AIBU to ask parents/carers to control toddlers in shops?

[TheOtherMrs]

Just been to do a quick shop with DH. A small child came running around a corner straight in to DHs legs. The child's mother went ballistic, screaming into DHs face about looking where he was going and threatening to hit him - she hadnt even seen what had happened!. Fortunately the child was fine and a shop assistant calmed her down, stating that DH wasn't in the wrong and that perhaps using the child seat in the trolley for the child, rather than bread, was the way forward.

It surely not too much to ask that children be properly looked after in busy shops?

Well said.

To those posters who are saying that they kept an eye on their toddlers who
love to wander around - Tesco is not the park. Put them in the trolley or strap them in reins so they are right next to you. You should be absolutely certain that they are not able to run into someone. Neither of mine were allowed to go wandering around the supermarket. It is not a playground.

I work in a small supermarket and we have stupid flag things hanging from the ceiling, no danger to anyone unless they're nearly 7 foot tall. But I had a boy of about 10 running and jumping trying to grab them while his dad stood there oblivious. I eventually asked his dad to stop him because we have a lot of elderly customers. We got the usual "Tarquin please don't do that the lady wants you to stop" wtf is wrong with people. Control your brats it's not a playground.

Mine have 2 choices, they walk properly and I get them to help getting what we need or they go in the trolley and they can complain as much as they want, so I have been the woman in Tesco with 2 wailing banshees strapped in a trolley. I would be mortified if they were tearing about the place and knocked someone over.
Or, I do the shopping while they are at nursery then slop off to Costa for a coffee in peace at the same time.

You've had a one off incident with a dick parent. Let's not tar everyone with the same brush eh.

My dd loves a wonder around the supermarket. But if she was at the point of charging off and into people she’d absolutely be in the trolley. But the fact this woman yelled at your DH is ridiculous. I’d be mortified and apologising like crazy if my 2 year old charged into someone. Woman sounds horrible

Somewhere along the line parents seem to have been taught that physical touch is almost always inferior to spoken language.
A parent should ask with words, but ultimately cannot physically move their child because this is a violation of the child's bodily autonomy.

The idea that parents make some decisions, and toddlers go along with them, even if they are explaining what is happening to their child at the time, is now seen as wrong.
It doesn't matter that a toddler can't comprehend, as long as a parent doesn't physically make a child do anything they appear not to want to do.

Some parents go so far as to feel sorry for children who aren't free to fully express themselves, moving in the space, lying on the floor, touching the objects that surround them. They feel that it's their right to experience the world around them, without limits.

I've seen a parent sitting down on the floor of the supermarket in the middle of an aisle, asking whether her toddler, who was doing a sort of snow angel, thought it was time to go home yet.
These parents feel that if they upset their child in any way that they are bad parents, and it's a shame, because little toddlers should be allowed to cry to express their upset and unhappiness and yes, lack of understanding of a complex world, just as they did a few months back when they were tired and hungry babies in arms.

My 2.5yo loves to run around with me shopping BUT I go at quiet off peak times and I’m always very apologetic if she does cross paths with anyone. I’m a ‘I’m so sorry, DD look where you are going you almost ran into that person’ type of mum.

Ultimately kids needs to learn to negotiate life and they don’t do that being constantly restrained. My mother is an academic in the field of early childhood development and frequently comments on how ‘consistently physically restrained’ small children are in modern society verses when she was a child. It’s much less acceptable to have small children in day to day life now than it was then.

Don’t get me wrong, the parents letting a 1yo scan stuff on a self check out at midday on a Saturday are douchebags but 10am on a Wednesday or 6pm on a Monday…that’s fine. It’s like being a learner driver, maybe avoid rush hour but everyone has to learn 😂😬

Oh, come on.

It was just an accident.

The mum was being daft, but honestly, with this thread, so are you.

Once again parents failing to parent or teach children the appropriate behaviour. If a child cannot behave in public because the parents cannot be arsed to teach or supervise them then tough shit if the child gets hurt.

A supermarket is not a playground

This narrative stinks. Yeah, some parents are too permissive and their children need to be better controlled. This isn’t some new phenomena, there were parents/kids like this when I was growing up in the 80s/90s. The majority of current parents haven’t changed and are more than prepared to physically remove their small children from dangerous/annoying/inconvenient situations. The small minority of parents who are too permissive have just been given a bigger platform, and likewise the people who complain about these parents have also been given a bigger platform. Of the 10s and 10s of parents I come across weekly with pre schoolers, the vast majority are more likely to pick up and carry out their snow angel-ing 2 yo then barter with them.

I had to pick one item up at my local sainsburys recently and decided to not put my two year old in a trolley as he had been a delight all day and I envisioned him trotting obediently beside me holding my hand and getting adoring looks. Fuck me, what a mistake that was. He was beside himself with excitement at the fruit and veg aisle, tried to collect every single banana within reach, screamed when I made him put them back, attempted to bite my hand as i enforced hand holding and then decided to “play dead” on the floor (whilst also licking it). Ended up doing the walk of shame out with him under my arm. Absolutely learnt my lesson. YANBU. Toddlers, unless they are some sort of unicorn version that are very compliant, should not be allowed to run around in supermarkets.

🙄

I work in a school and it amazes me to see my pupil's behaviour in supermarkets compared to in school ie parental supervision vs our supervision. Last year I spotted a year 1 pupil in Sainsburys on his own. I followed him around at a distance for several minutes. He was running up and down the aisles like a lunatic and eventually climbed up onto some shelves. At this point I thought I was going to have to intervene but his dad magically appeared. This boy behaved like an angel at school. I suspect he knew exactly what he could get away with and with who. His father clearly didn't give a shit how his ds behaved.

And calling women Karens is a low blow.

Indeed. And as if basic misogyny wasn't enough, it's also extended to elderly, disabled and other vulnerable people who are apparently expected to just accept thoroughly avoidable stays in hospital and maybe worse, without raising any objections or fears, rather than parents do their basic job.

There was actually a purpose-designed child seat right there in the trolley, but the mum had just decided not to bother using it.

Exactly, an accident. Why should my DH accept being called a cunt and being threatened with being hit? Presumably you'd be happy to accept that behaviour from a complete stranger?

If your child can't behave in a shop, don't take them in the shop

Easy

Of course not, which is why I did say the mum was out of line.

However, I think it is absolutely ridiculous to generalise from one experience - where, clearly, the mum was acting out - to parents of toddlers as a group.

I wonder what the reaction of parents like the one in the OP would be if their child running around unsupervised caused their child to be seriously hurt.

A little one bashing into somebody carrying a boiling hot teapot in a cafe can very easily have much further reaching consequences than simply a floor needing to be mopped. What if they ran out of the door and into a car driving past outside? Even if they don't care about strangers, do some parents genuinely not care about their own child's wellbeing either?

I still remember, ages ago now, driving down a road in my town, when a little lad on a trike rode down a slope and into the road right in front of me. His mum was a few yards behind him on the pavement, absorbed in her phone. I slammed my brakes on (thankfully wasn't going too fast in the first place) and, a few seconds later, the mum looked up and rushed to grab him. To be (kind of) fair, she did thank/apologise to me, but then proceeded to shout at her toddler for doing something dangerous. I was disgusted at her blaming a tiny little kid for her own failure to supervise him properly.

it amazes me to see my pupil's behaviour in supermarkets compared to in school ie parental supervision vs our supervision

Not sure that's fair. Kids always behave differently with other people than they do with their own parents, that doesn't necessarily mean the parents are not parenting properly.

I would bet the parent the OP encountered would blame the other adult, same as she did on this occasion. It'd never be her fault or her kid's.

As a parent, grandparent and soon to be great grandparent I don't think I'm being unreasonable. Clearly we have different ideas of social niceties and reasonable behaviour.

I'm sure that kind of parent would complain to the cafe and start a fierce anti-teapot campaign. It's so dangerous to carry teapots with boiling hot water around. All orders of tea should be delivered to the tables in sealed flasks.

Men can be Karens too. But it’s women mostly complaining on this thread, I would hazard a guess. In fact most people in my day to day life I see complaining are women. There was a thread on MN last week about men hating women but in reality it seems to be women hating women always.

again, I wouldn’t let my children do this. They hold hands or they are carried/strapped in. I just think this thread is totally crazy and some of the comments have made me laugh.

people here are so sensitive and understanding about literally any ailment or age, except for children and toddlers. It’s hilarious!

Impossible to avoid going to shop with a grumpy toddler. Unless you have staff, or partner who who happens to be around all hours. Be realistic