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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be happy about him going..

118 replies

FantasticUnicorn · 04/03/2024 20:56

I'm a very nervous traveller. I have a fear of flying and don't like being away from home.

My partners family are going to Mexico. I'm NC with them due to reasons I won't go into. They've invited us (although we'd have to pay)
I said no thank you - it's a 9 hour flight and I couldn't think of anything more anxiety inducing or stressful with our 2 under 3 year old children, with people I haven't spoken to for years.

DH still wants to go. It's nearly 2k. AIBU for being a bit upset? I can't stop him but for that money we could have loads of UK holidays or even a family holiday to somewhere more near hand. I wouldn't stop him going but I kind of feel it's a bit of a fuck you, I'm going anyway.

OP posts:
Mayalou · 04/03/2024 21:49

YABU. You can't say I don't wanna go but you're not going too!

HelloMiss · 04/03/2024 21:50

I'm a very nervous traveller. I have a fear of flying and don't like being away from home.

Family holiday where if you won't go far??

Original poster
FantasticUnicorn · 04/03/2024 21:51

Closer than bloody Mexico!! UK, France, maybe Spain at a push.

OP posts:
Mayalou · 04/03/2024 21:52

It's really unfair to restrict him because of your fears.

MadamVastra · 04/03/2024 21:55

He can go - he can enjoy it with the kids 😂

ILoveSalmonSpread · 04/03/2024 21:59

Your fears are your's . He'd love to go so let him.
Don't impose your fears in him
It's a slippery slope.

As an aside , I had a fear of flying and going abroad that spanned nearly forty years.
I decided to join my husband for a family reunion In another country. A lovely pill from my GP worked wonders.

Pondering89 · 04/03/2024 22:10

Sorry OP, YABU.

If you don’t like travelling abroad it’s unlikely he will get many opportunities to do long haul trips, I’d go for it too if I was him.

Send the kids with him and put your feet up!

JJathome · 04/03/2024 22:12

Are you doing anything to resolve your fears? I think this is important, especially as a parent.

in the immediate now though, no op, you can’t make your problems his.

Sconeswithnutella · 04/03/2024 22:13

I’d go too in your husband’s position. YABU, let him and your children go and enjoy it. It could be an amazing experience.

mydrivingisterrible · 04/03/2024 22:13

FantasticUnicorn · 04/03/2024 21:51

Closer than bloody Mexico!! UK, France, maybe Spain at a push.

I'd be gutted to go on holiday in the UK instead of Mexico...

Codlingmoths · 04/03/2024 22:15

His family are going. You may not want to but this doesn’t seem fair of you to stop him. It’s certainly not a fuck you, it’s a perfectly reasonable position of his.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 04/03/2024 22:16

Is it the fear or the cost that's stopping you? If it was the fear then yabu that's not fair to stop him due to your irrational fears.

If its the cost and you only have £2k for a aily holiday and him going to Mexico has used that all up then yanbu

betterangels · 04/03/2024 22:16

It's not a fuck you. Is he taking the kids to spend time with their paternal family?

MissedItByThisMuch · 04/03/2024 22:17

UK, France, “maybe Spain at a push” is extremely restricted though if he enjoys travelling and seeing different cultures. I don’t think it’s fair to limit him because of your fears.

Perhaps your feelings about his family and the reasons you’re NC are playing into this?

In the longer term, for the sake of your kids at least there are some good programmes to address fear of flying you should look into, and there’s always the GP option a pp mentioned.

Moonshine5 · 04/03/2024 22:19

£2k wouldn't stretch very far on a UK holiday

Sonora25 · 04/03/2024 22:19

YABU

Mexico is amazing!

Cornishclio · 04/03/2024 22:20

YABU. I love travelling. Luckily DH does too but if he didn't I would want to go anyway. You only get one life so we should live it to the full. Turning down opportunities because your partner does not want to go is daft in my opinion.

However if the cost means you and DC do not get a holiday and you want one then that needs a conversation if he is taking a lot out of the family budget to pay for his jolly. Holidays with under 3 year olds though are tricky anyway and given you don't like being away from home are you that bothered? I would also say that he gets a free pass on parenting if you and DC are not going so when he gets back you should get lots of time to yourself while he looks after DC.

CissOff · 04/03/2024 22:20

You sound fun…

I absolutely wouldn’t let somebody’s fears and anxieties stop me going on holiday either to be fair.

Do you stay at home most of the year OP? That’s not great for your Dc given you can afford holidays

saraclara · 04/03/2024 22:24

Codlingmoths · 04/03/2024 22:15

His family are going. You may not want to but this doesn’t seem fair of you to stop him. It’s certainly not a fuck you, it’s a perfectly reasonable position of his.

That. You can't allow your great of flying to restrict his life to this degree. You just can't. He wants to travel and he wants to join his family.

My dad was severely claustrophobic and could never fly. We had nice holidays in the UK, but when I was in my early twenties, my mum flipped, and after one of her friends invited her to join her on her next holiday, she left my dad at home and flew to Thailand and Malaysia.

puzzledout · 04/03/2024 22:26

YABU I'd be gutted to miss an opportunity if going to Mexico! Presumably he still gets on with his family?

Jojobees · 04/03/2024 22:27

It’s not a fuck you, I’m going anyway. You don’t want to go, and he does. Why should he stay at home. Why should you get the final say on holidays?
sorry you abvu.

saraclara · 04/03/2024 22:28

Presumably you're the one who decided to go no contact with his family (since he wants to go on holiday with them, I presume he still had a good relationship with them). And now you're restricting where he can go?

It seems as though he's been havng to manoeuvre his life around your own needs and decisions for a while, in both areas. And that's not going to have been easy. Give the man a break.

Hello98765 · 04/03/2024 22:30

It does feel quite controlling to try to limit the holidays he takes just because they don’t appeal to you. Of course every £ we spend on doing something that doesnt involve our partner or children, could be seen to be taking away from doing things with them, but isnt that a bit of a slippery slope?

why go for a meal with a friend when he could have a meal with you
why go to the cinema with his mum when he could go with you
etc etc

Obviously if it was every year it would be unreasonable, but as a one off I think it’s good and to be encouraged if thats what he would find rewarding.

Louise295 · 04/03/2024 22:31

YABVU. And selfish.

redalex261 · 04/03/2024 22:33

Yes, you are bring unreasonable. Also, you say you are terribly afraid of flying and don’t like leaving home but what's the difference between getting on a plane to Mexico or to Europe? Surely all flights are intolerable or none?

Please don’t say train or coach to Europe (with toddlers) that would cost even more overall than air travel.

You mentioned NC with partner’s family -why is that relevant if the flight is the issue?

TBH I think you are looking for excused not to go and don't want your partner or children to go without you.

You are not being fair to him or them. If you can’t face it don’t go but don’t punish him.