Wedding menu

[imnewhere2024]

DP and I recently got engaged (yay) so we are starting to plan the wedding. We are at very early stages but have run into a very interesting question. DP and I are both vegetarian for ethical reasons with our families and most of our friends being meat eaters. Venues are asking our preferences for menus so they can provide us costs so we need to make a choice on whether to provide meat or do a vegetarian only dinner.

For clarity, when we go out to dinner with meat eaters we have no issue with people ordering a meat option, but given we are the ones footing the bill, it feels like we have a say over what they eat. Honestly, we don’t feel good about paying for meat to be consumed on our wedding day, and would be offering a decent range of veggie options (not your bog standard risotto or tofu loaf etc) Friends have never complained about our dietary choices when we go to their homes or events, its pretty easy these days to cater for and we are not picky eaters at all but I feel weird imposing our vegetarian ideas on them. Has anyone faced the same issue issue or have any insight ?

@2chocolateoranges

why?

how would you feel about serving, say, dog at your wedding?

Also I do think we are trying to be diplomatic here by choosing a restaurant- giving us the best chance of a good meal Rather than a random hotel or Manor House

I'm now an ex veggie, but I think people who can't eat vegetarian meals without throwing a strop about it are both ridiculous and setting themselves up for poor bowel health.

Wow - that is a very long list of requirements, which I think would be challenging for any caterer, regardless of whether veggie or not. Allergies aside, the aim is surely to try and find a menu that will suit the majority, not to try and satisfy the specific tastes of each individual?

@Youcannotbeseriousreally

There's a huge difference between not eating meat & eating other things you usually eat (vegetables, breads etc) & expecting a vegetarian to eat meat.

they don't want to pay for & serve something they find ethically wrong.

@NoCloudsAllowed but If you'd expect to be respected for choosing to be vegetarian, why doesn't that extend to meat eaters? Why be derogatory?

Where did I say that people must pretend to like it?
I clearly stated that if they don't like it. They shouldn't eat it. Obviously, if they don't eat it, they don't like it! No pretending here.

Comments aren't about veggie vs meat eating. It's showing respect to your hosts.
Let's say someone made lemon chicken and you don't like it. Acceptable to say 'sorry I'm not a fan of X Y Z, I'll pass'. Or maybe try a bit, and then pass.
Not fine to take some, try it and then say 'this is disgusting/inedible' etc etc, or make a big show of pushing it around the plate.

Be true to yourselves and have a vegetarian wedding. It will probably turn out so much better because it will force the caterers to be a bit more imaginative. Wedding Food can be a bit samey.

Also wedding menus are restrictive anyway, when there are only three or four choices, there’s always a chance people won’t like it.

Those people talking about OP giving people a warning that it's meat free food: surely they'll know that when they make their choices? Unless it's buffet style, OP? They can moan about it quietly at home when they get their invitations.

I'd probably get someone to talk to your BIL in advance though, if you think he might make a fuss, and suggest that he has a full English breakfast that morning or something if he can't cope.

I would expect veggie food at a wedding between two vegetarians.

I am not a veggie anymore (used to be) but only really eat chicken and fish. It would be absolutely fine by me and expected if both the bride and groom are vegetarians. My husband has never been a veggie and says it wouldn't bother him either. The only kind of person I can see making a fuss about it would be someone like my FIL who seems to have based his entire personality around his love of eating the dead flesh of animals. If you've got loads of guests like that then you might have some pushback, but otherwise I can't see it being an issue.

Blimey. You would be a nightmare guest.

I feel like I am a very accommodating person when it comes to making sure people have food that they like. I’m vegetarian, I will happily cook some meats for my guests etc. It’s fine for you to have these expectations on a small scale for example, a dinner party but you cannot reasonably expect with this long list of dislikes that you will be catered for at every event.

We are vegetarian and had a vegetarian wedding. We didn't want dead animals at our celebration! I don't think anyone thought that was weird, except my mum, but she got the point better when I said that if we were teetotal she wouldn't expect us to provide alcohol.

The food was fantastic, and everyone loved it.

Because meat eaters are omnivores, not carnivores. If you can't manage going without meat for one meal, there's a problem.

And I'll be derogatory because I associate it with the kind of excessive meat eating that leads to health problems and trashes the environment. I feel the same way about people who go on three long haul holidays a year etc.

@caringcarer I really hope you eat some fruit, otherwise you're missing a lot of nutrients. Also, I'm quite amazed that you ever enjoy food at a wedding. I don't think I've ever been to one where the food wouldn't clash with that list in some way.

We are both vegetarian and engaged. IF we invite guests, probably won’t, all the food will be vegetarian. We think afternoon style tea works well for that as there’s sandwiches, scones and cakes so who can complain! If not I’d pick two hot meal options one which we would prefer and then have the other which is a standard thing nearly everyone would eat say pasta dish and big salad.

Also given the size of our wedding (60 including +1s and children) it’s an intimate wedding and all of the attendees know our beliefs. I’m not worried about 99% of the attendees but the more hard hardcore meat eaters who will object about the lack of choice. My family will be cool, regularly find themselves accidentally eating veggie (as is a lot of Indian food, they don’t eat beef as it’s culturally not very common as cows are sacred, and eat the occasional bacon sarnie but this has lessoned recently)

it’s the ones who will cook a veggie curry for us when we visit but also cook a chicken curry as well i.e ones who make separate meals who will expect this to the case. I’m grateful for the effort they have made to cater for us and have no ethical issue with sharing a table where meat is served as I don’t have a say in what they do or eat, but when WE ARE PAYING I think the dynamics change.

I am Indian and this is extremely common in my culture. If the wedding is of a family that is vegetarian, the menu is strictly vegetarian. No one ever complains. It's not like the meat eaters are going to be starving or that they cannot survive without meat even for a single meal!

@NoCloudsAllowed you've avoided my question, I asked why the derogatory attitude towards meat eaters? It isn't about one meal, reading this thread the vegetarian attitude of superiority is the an overall theme.

@imnewhere2024

listen to yourself.

serve what you & DP would like to serve with your money. Don't bend your ethics to people who stamp/sulk about not eating meat for one meal.

I used to make a vegetarian lasagne that my 'very much a meat eater' Dad loved and without fail he'd say how great it was & it would have been lovely with a couple of sausages. But he was joking! I miss him SO much.

serve great options & if you don't make a big deal out of it, most won't even notice there wasn't any meat.

my vegetarian friends had a vegetarian meal. Help yourself & there were so many options it was fantastic being able to eat Absolutely any of it & knowing it was all vegetarian.

At a wedding of two vegetarians I would expect a vegetarian meal.

Would I look forward to the meal? No
Would I eat it? Probaby, but I'd have a filling breakfast/lunch just incase

Personally I would want to be the best host I could, I would want all my guests to look foward to my wedding including the meal, and I would also cater to my guests dietary prefetences rather than just my own, the same way they would consider mine.

This was my point earlier.

I love meat but I wouldn't expect to be served meat at a wedding of a vegetarian bride and groom. I'd gratefully eat what I was served and feel honoured to be your guest.

I'd say the majority of posters on this thread are meat eaters, just ones that can handle the odd vegetarian meal without walking out/kicking off/complaining bitterly.