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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you your biggest regrets in life

428 replies

ThefloorisLav · 03/03/2024 14:06

Just that really, do you have any major regrets from decisions you have made in the past?

Any words of Wisdom?

OP posts:
Bennettsister · 03/03/2024 22:49

Generally I don’t regret many things - you normally do what seems right at the time.
I do regret the college I went to at Cambridge. I was offered a place at another women’s college (unusual I know but my application went through a rather weird route!) and I turned it down thinking I would hate it and would much more enjoy a mixed college. Which turned out to be the most unpleasant, misogynistic, snobby place I’ve ever been and easily the unhappiest three years my life which really affected me going forward. The women’s college would have suited me so much better.

Flyeeeeer · 03/03/2024 22:50

Wren77 · 03/03/2024 20:38

I wish I hadn't gone home the night my mum died. I knew she was dying, I just thought she would maybe die the next day,. I had spent the night before sleeping in a camp bed next to her and I so wanted to decompress, so I went home about 1am and she died at 3 am. It seems like madness to me now - what on earth was I thinking?! I can only think I just didn't believe/ couldn't compute that she would actually die and it was such a shock when she did. I think I thought i had let her down, I could have stopped it somehow.
I have come to terms with it a bit now, as a mum, I wouldn't want my kids to see me die at all, and my mum definitely wouldn't have wanted me to see her die. But I wish I wish I could have been there.

Please don't beat yourself up about this.
Your mum will have known you were there and that you love her. You had no way of predicting when the moment would be. EOL is so unpredictable.
My mum and I did shifts sitting next to my beloved dying gran, at home where she was happiest. I went to walk the dog round the block, and mum stepped out the room to make a cup of tea and she died in that time. We say that it needed to be this way. She had seen us, knew we loved her, and then she needed to be alone so that my grandad could come down and get her and take her to Heaven.
Whatever you believe, please don't blame yourself.

Justcashnosweets · 03/03/2024 22:51

Coming out of the NHS pension after 2 years when I bought my first flat...and never going back in until now. I've been working in the NHS for almost 22 years and if I'd have stayed in the pension I could have retired in 7 years. Instead I'll have to work another 20 years. I could cry.

iamnotgroot0 · 03/03/2024 22:51

Not knowing how to talk to my wife about our relationship issues and what we can do.

Curlyshabtree · 03/03/2024 22:52

Not finding the money to pay for DD to have piano/keyboard lessons. She’s taught herself and I just think with lessons from young she would have flown. She’s an amazing singer and has taught herself guitar too. She’s obviously musically gifted and I’m very proud of what she’s achieved but I regret not having money available to fund her passion!

sugarapplelane · 03/03/2024 22:52

and….

not getting tickets to see Nina Simone’s last UK concert at the Royal Albert Hall before she died.

And my biggest regret is not telling anyone about the abuse I suffered at the hands of my Step Mother sooner. It would have saved me years of hardship and my MH would probably be better now as a result

feelingalittlehorse · 03/03/2024 22:53

SoOutingWhoCares · 03/03/2024 14:59

I would have prioritised dating for marriage/children in my 20s over education and career.

I'm a lecturer with an alphabet of letters after my name but have found myself left on the shelf and childless at 40. I definitely personally wanted a family more than career success and am annoyed that I was discouraged from pursuing that by family/teachers/work while I still had time. I was ready for marriage and kids at 24/5 but was given the very clear message that I would have been seen as a failure had I done anything other than pursue educational and professional success prior to 30 (more like 35!).

I am in exactly the same boat. Prioritised my education and career, telling myself it would provide stability for my desperately wanted future family.

All my friends are now married with children, we never go out any where and my chance of meeting someone is diminishing. You have my full sympathies as I am desperately unhappy, despite outwardly “having it all”.

FMSucks · 03/03/2024 22:53

Like @Touty and many others on this thread - basing my whole life’s worth on men. If you met me you would never think this of me. Years upon years of therapy and I’ve finally seen the light. Never again.

GG1986 · 03/03/2024 22:53

I regret not opting for a better career with better pay and more opportunities, I feel very stuck in my job and the pay is crap.
I wish I hadn't drunk so much in my 20s, I spent most weekends wrecked and making a fool out of myself.

JL690 · 03/03/2024 22:54

Not taking a year out between finishing school and starting uni to travel and get more experience of the world.

Curioustoknow1 · 03/03/2024 22:58

Not getting married sooner. Had been with my now husband 11 years at the time my mom passed away. She never got to see either me or my sister (her only children) get married.

MNIsBatshit · 03/03/2024 23:04

The tattoo that I hated the day after having it done.

My clothing choices for the past 20-odd years have been dictated by how well they cover up this tattoo. Not so much a problem in winter, but awful in summer.

I'm now spending a fortune, and probably a year of sessions, having it painfully lasered off. And even after all that, it won't be completely invisible.

This tattoo mistake I made as a teen has also caused years of persistent nightmares, where I dream I get really silly tattoos in prominent visible places on my body, and then instantly regret it. I wake myself up in tears.

And I'm more mad with myself because I got the tattoo not because I really wanted one, but to make point of defiance, because my mums bf (who hadn't been around that long but moved in and got his feet firmly under the table within just 3 wks of dating my mum) was trying to control me... I wasn't allowed piercings, tattoos, to wear certain clothes or have a boyfriend of any ethnic background that wasnt the same as ours.

I wish I'd just ignored the twat. He and my mum had already bullied me to the point I left home at 17. But he was still trying to control me. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self that getting that tattoo won't be a middle finger up at him, it'll just be a physically ugly and emotionally painful permanent reminder of the shit of a man who isn't even around anymore.

I've made plenty of mistakes, but all I felt I learned from and made me a wiser and stronger person. But that tattoo hasn't done any of those things, it just sits there saying to me every day "you idiot!"

Smittenkitchen · 03/03/2024 23:07

Not becoming an artist, think my DM really dissuaded me from many career paths with her perfectionism. Medicine was only for very very very intelligent people. Careers in the arts only for very talented people and not a good bet for a stable career. Now I think, people get good at art by practicing and people do have careers in creative industries.
But if I had done that I wouldn't be where I am now or have my DH or DC so I don't exactly wish I had done differently.

MissBennettsSister · 03/03/2024 23:08

Getting a credit card
Getting married
Having children
Being a SAHM for a few years
Getting fat

Cuckoochanel80 · 03/03/2024 23:10

I wish I'd taken better care of my teeth! Years of grinding haven't helped but didn't take this seriously when I was younger

WineIsMyMainVice · 03/03/2024 23:11

Smoking
finally managed to stop after multiple attempts now but always my biggest regret!

Cuckoochanel80 · 03/03/2024 23:12

Actually should've taken better care of myself in general physically as am feeling it now and not that old (late 30s)

HelloDarlingWhatAreYouDoingHere · 03/03/2024 23:12

I should not have settled so easily.

Selenaso · 03/03/2024 23:12

bombastix · 03/03/2024 15:45

Thinking relationships were important at a young age. It's amazing how little it matters really.

Do you mean teen relationships aren’t important, or relationships aren’t important period?

PieAndLattes · 03/03/2024 23:14

Marrying him even after I caught him looking at gay porn. Mind you, we somehow managed to have two amazing kids so it was worth it for that, but Lord, it was tough to be in a marriage with a man who went through the motions of being a heterosexual because that’s what he felt he had to do. We both live with our respective boyfriends now and we are both 100 times happier.

Bournetilly · 03/03/2024 23:19

I wish I chose a different career. Wanted to change uni courses a quarter way through my first year but was guilted into carrying on by my family. Looking back now I would barely of wasted any time and would be in a job that I actually liked.

Blueberry101 · 03/03/2024 23:23

@Donthideyourlight

An abortion when I was 20 yo. I regret it so much.

Thats my biggest regret too, also started drinking to numb the pain and had panic attacks which I'd never done before.

ManchesterLu · 03/03/2024 23:23

Morientes · 03/03/2024 14:47

I would have seeked help/taken meds sooner for my MH problems. I struggled for years wasting most of my 20s in a deep depression, stuck and not progressing in my studies as I schould. It took me twice as long to get my degree and while I am now working in my chosen field it still sometimes causes me embarrasment I'm not further along in my career than I am, partly due to my late(r) start.

Yeah, exactly this. Between 18-31 I achieved nothing because of it. With just 3 months of meds my life was transformed. I wasted such a lot of time for no reason.

ClareBlue · 03/03/2024 23:26

Justcashnosweets · 03/03/2024 22:51

Coming out of the NHS pension after 2 years when I bought my first flat...and never going back in until now. I've been working in the NHS for almost 22 years and if I'd have stayed in the pension I could have retired in 7 years. Instead I'll have to work another 20 years. I could cry.

I'm surprised they let you opt out. In Ireland you have no choice, thankfully for me as I would probably have done the same when cash was tight, but was not permitted to leave.