To ask you your biggest regrets in life

[ThefloorisLav]

Just that really, do you have any major regrets from decisions you have made in the past?

Any words of Wisdom?

Not wearing what I wanted when I was young cos I thought I was fat. I look at photos and wish I could go back and tell that girl she was actually really pretty.

Wish I had kept my house and career rather than backing my husbands career and doing all the drudgery/childcare/housework while he got a pat on the back for being so amazing.

Being born. My parents should never have had me. It would've saved a lot of trauma.

Yep, that’s absolutely mine too.

Dieting. In the long run it carries a huge risk of causing weight gain due to the body's fight to regain any weight lost and get back to set point. 20 years ago I was a curvy size 14. I've been on the diet / binge cycle for the entire time. I'm now morbidly obese.

I suspect this is a hugely common one for women in general

Drifting off to university at 18 was a terrible mistake, I was nowhere near ready, did the wrong degree, have been embarrassed by it all my life. Should have left school at sixteen, matured a bit and gone into higher education when I was able to appreciate it and chosen something worthwhile with actual employment prospects at the end of it.

Only studying both in 6th form and at Uni, no relationships, no friendships. Just had to do my best and please my mum and grandparents. Then taking years after that to allow myself to let people in. Including working abroad as a holiday rep - no relationships, no flings. Then finally meeting someone (anyone !) and settling with them. No past. No exes.

Wish my ADHD had been recognised 45 years earlier. It explains an awful lot.

My biggest regret stems from when I was 17, and basically gave up on everything when I failed to get into medical school. If I'd been thinking clearly (or had some actual guidance) I would never have done the degree I went on to do. Which when I realised I really wasn't going to go to medical school gave up on that too. Then spent the best part of a decade depressed because of it. As a result, I'm close to 40, and effectively never had better than a minimum wage job. I could have been so much more.

But if I hadn't fucked up so spectacularly, I would never have met my now husband at university, and I wouldn't have my two wonderful kids. I just hope they take after their dad.

@winterplumage sorry for your loss but you do know that making that call wouldn't have prevented anything. It's not your fault and if someone is mentally unwell and set on that path, they will do it. You may regret it but your feeling that it would have changed the outcome is misplaced. Love to you.

Trusting my dad to be alone with my small child, then trusting he would be punished for it. He was found guilty, but too old then for prison. I regret not arranging for him to be taken care of by thugs.

My whole life has been a fuck up and I’m continuing on with fucking up.

My biggest regret - not looking after my babies.

I became pregnant with triplets. Told no one as my husband wanted to keep it secret until birth. Why did I go along with that. Huge shock but the happiest time in my life. However I was youngish, fit, so well and so happy received so litttle medical advice/ didn’t seek more and I didn’t appreciate how risky it was. I lost my beautiful boys at 22 weeks pregnant.

The grief/guilt nearly killed me and I still can’t forgive myself.

@Mumwithbaggage how did you get diagnosed/ how do you treat it. I suspect I and my daughter have ADHD. Thanks.

Applicate the unusual but then i didnt know anything should of been my philosophy

I wish I had been braver, procrastinated less and been less self-absorbed in my teens and twenties- I would have had more opportunities and adventures. I'm also another person who also didn't enjoy Cambridge and think I would have had a better time at my 2nd choice university. But - I can't say these are lasting regrets as their impact now (in my 50s) is minimal and I don't really dwell on them.

I regret not looking after my teeth better as I still feel the impact of this and I am sad about a few times I could have been a bit kinder to people that are now dead as I can't make amends. These are my regrets.

I regret letting some absolute arseholes move in to my family home. We completely trusted them based on a 60 year friendship. It’s taken years and cost thousand but we are finally approaching the end. I still can’t believe the ease with which they lie and how broken our legal system is.

I wish I had gone into nursing sooner. It’s a fantastic career, if you like a challenge. I was a mature student at 40 and I retired on a band seven.

I was really fit and had a nice figure well into my 40's. I'm in my early 70's now and I am a bit overweight but VERY out of shape and don't see how I can claw my way back to any kind of physical fitness. I would tell my younger self to keep up the physical fitness because it is so difficult to get it back when you are older.

On the plus side, and the fun news, when you get older, you can tell people to fuck off all you want. Ahhh, so freeing.

Nicely done, Frank

@SoOutingWhoCares SoOuting, would you consider adoption or fostering?

@SoOutingWhoCares

I just thinking 🤔 about your post

You have Regrets about not prioritising having children marriage ect,
Cause of family and societal pressures to conform to what was expected of you,

You could still do temporary fostering or adoption or even what my family who adopted me used to do,
we would sometimes on a regular basis look after a speacial needs child who often have epileptic fits,
for the day, so her parents would have respite break from her,
and be able to spend quality time with their able bodied son..
obviously its important to ensure you have enough support as much as possible to be able to do these kinds of things too.

we were members of a charity that supported families with speacial needs children through social events and other activities in the communities

Also just thinking being involved with nature/ pets, animals or conservation wildlife charities in uk and abroad aswell,
could be beneficial to you too,
as this involves nurturing aspects too...

@SoOutingWhoCares
Typo omission
I ment to say,
due to what what was expected of you at that time ect, in regards of your family and societal expections and pressures ect

Good thread.

I've made peace, but not listening to myself and doing things according to others who didn't have my best interests at heart is my regret.

I definitely had the skills to work solo tech and go entrepreneurial and ride the various booms, but I wasn't confident enough to "just fucking do it".

Like a pp observed with art, if you focus on one thing for a reasonable period of time, say a few years, you'll get good at it (even if there are some weak or lonely periods).

Rather than invest time in just staying in, getting a Sky subscription for entertainment and working on a start-up business, I was trying to be someone I wasn't with "friends" who I had very little in common with and weren't long term.

Plus I felt when I did well I got loads of unpleasant hangers on and spiteful people so I undervalued myself.

Looking back and observing group dynamics, it is horrendous how nasty people can be when they see another person with some potential?

Whether it's looks, or time, or ability, there's a lot of backstabbers out there.

The message I got as a younger solo female was that when I did well others were nasty or I attracted users trying to take advantage, so I self-sabotaged to fit in.

I managed to get back on the wagon after quite a few low status years, but I've noticed as soon as I'm "back in the competition" (even though I'm not super-competitive and a few years late) how nasty and malicious some other people get.

I get the same criticisms about being "quiet" and introverted, but I can see they're coming from creepy controlling people wanting to "neg" me and lower my self-esteem.

(Thank god for WFH and studying remotely so I can enjoy progressing privately without the drama!)

Please please, younger people learn to put your emotions first, and be kind to yourself.

Ultimately as long as you're not getting into debt or a dodgy relationship taking your resources you can take your time and do what you like and explore things (whether education or work or people).

If you can't find a supportive physical peer group it's perfectly normal - enjoy solo hobbies and self-soothing and saving money. Keep your plans private unless trusted people.

You don't need to be doing self-improvement all the time, but someone is negative or contemptuous or controlling in a work or social context get the hell away from them.