To ask you your biggest regrets in life

[ThefloorisLav]

Just that really, do you have any major regrets from decisions you have made in the past?

Any words of Wisdom?

Not pushing for proper MH support when I was younger. Instead, I just brought shame to my family.

Not reaching out and saying when I was burning out in every job and course I have ever attempted.

Not telling people how much I struggled with life and being a human being. I spent so many years actually thinking that I must have been an alien planted on this earth, and it was being hidden from me.

It has fucked my life up, and I will never amount to anything.

Not having children a bit younger. Had my one and only much adored daughter at 35. She’s nine now, im struggling with conceiving and now worrying I’m too old for another.
Not learning to drive.
Losing touch with some old friends.

Not home educating my other children.

Everything else, as horrific as my life has been at times, led me to my life now. Amazing husband and amazing rainbow baby

How did your weave ruin your hair ? I have taped extensions with the odd nano beads to fill the gaps. They are still so noticeable but my hair has thinned a lot. It's embarrassing, when queuing, i can tell people are staring. I used to have long hair but now it still depresses me as it hasn't grown in two years and become thinner and thinner. I used to feel attractive and men would turn their heads, now they stare for the wrong reason. It depresses me how much i look an idiot and because I'm short, people stare at checkouts as they tower over me. I'm so self conscious. All i want is to have normal hair agin. Washing it and styling it is such a chore, and the cost is extortionate. It depresses me every day and it makes me fe feels redicuilous ,like mutton dressed as lamb. I just want to look natural again. I used to be attractive , although I'm in 55? But now I look like a clown. The only option left is something's called V Light, which looks ground breaking, but yet again, I can't fine a salon that does it

Not losing weight earlier when it would have been much easier. I spent virtually the whole of my life hating myself and how I looked. Losing the love of my life because of it and not feeling good enough.

Also meant to mention, I settled for my husband 33 years ago. I clung on to him to escape an abusive narcissist up bringing. I thought he was my salvation to a happy life, but it emerged he was controlling and an angry person, constantly shouting aggressively at me, every single day. But i naiively saw him an escape from my narcissistic grandparents that made my childhood unbearable to the point i now have borderline personality disorder. So i clinged on to this man as my escape and endured his abuse for 33 years until I eventually built up the courshe to leave my home of 33 years, to live in a depressing caravan. I left him two years ago, when my hair issues started to emerge

I regret the coke. Wrecked my life. 14 years clean though.

Quite alot.

That i didn’t get my Italian citizenship when I could have done very easily and now it’s impossible to get any sense from them.

Getting married and having children. Now, don't misunderstand. I ADORE both of my adult sons, but if I had never known the possibility of them, I would not have missed motherhood. I don't have a maternal bone in my body, and the boys suffered a bit from that, I think. I love (and loved) them, but I struggled. That they grew into such remarkable men is a testament to THEM, not to ME. And I knew I shouldn't be a mother, that I lacked that overwhelming drive to nurture another human, but I allowed myself to be bullied into it.

I've heard it's quite a known thing for people to wait for family members to leave and then slip away - some people just prefer it that way. Please don't beat yourself up about it.

I regret not seizing various opportunities to change career and stretch myself. I chose to plod on doing what I was familiar with rather than take risks. There was a time in my 30s when I was left a small bequest that would have allowed me to retrain for a career which I think would have been fulfilling and, ultimately, very financially rewarding — but it was scary and I chickened out.

Now, at 60, I really regret not taking up yoga in my 30s or 40s.

Meeting ex H

my Biggest regret is not having more confidence and self esteem in myself and letting myself to be bullied and belittled to the point of crying each week in a job that most definitely wasn’t worth it. My mh and physical health hit the floor because of that job working 60/70 hours a week. I learned to never let myself be treated like that again and to use my voice.

I’m sure I’ve got plenty to regret but I always think everything I’ve endured has got me to where I am and I wouldn’t change a thing encase it changed my present.

Agreed. And you don’t know how things would have turned out if you had done that thing you now wish you had done, which only seems like the right thing to have done with the benefit of hindsight. IYSWIM.

Not believing in myself and believing that I was a horrible person, by my narc DB & DM. Its took nearly all my life for me to realise that I am a good person. I suffer from imposter syndrome now because of that behaviour towards me.

Standing up for myself

Cutting ties with toxic 'family and friends' sooner

Telling more people to fuck off a lot sooner

Marrying my first DH

Not having more children; we were worried about finances but both of us wish we had just gone for it.
Not buying (one of) a couple of really special properties I found - one has now tripled & the other quadrupled in value over the last 10 years.

Focusing my time on a boyfriend rather than studies.
Always putting myself second.
Pretty much all of my regrets are due to trusting and listening to men basically

☝️I so could of written this, I wish I’d trusted my own instincts

Not travelling more as a young and unencumbered woman. I never made it out of Europe really. Now this seems like a pipe dream!

Not being brave enough to actually have sex before I was 24! I wasn't short of interest... I still don't know why I was so screwed up about it.

Not being brave enough to have a relationship with another woman. I know that's part of my make-up but I was too chicken to take the leap when I had options.

Taking the career route I did. Should maybe have done a vocational MA and ended up in a sector I might have enjoyed. As it was, I allowed myself to be flattered into an academic MA and then PhD and ended up in academia (briefly) which I hated. I have no career now (partly because of caring responsibilities, see below).

Having my children later in life. I was 34 and 37. Now I'm 50 and so tired.

Deciding to have a second child, actually. Although I wouldn't have made that decision to have an only child back when I was fertile ... our second child has severe autism and LDs and - well, I wouldn't wish him away, he's loved and lovely (mostly). But our lives are now always going to be different. As we get older, he'll need to be living somewhere residential and that terrifies me: the potential for abuse, unhappiness, GUILT. But we're knackered in our early 50's! And my first child will, eventually, be saddled with the responsibility of making choices for him. I find this very hard to cope with and it's a constant source of anxiety and depression. So yes, sometimes I do wish I had somehow known, and made the decision not to have a second child.

OMG, this. I’m trying to drum it into my kids but it’s hard. My teeth were fine for decades then it turned out problems had been lurking for ages and I had a nightmare with them during the pandemic. DS14 had teeth broken at school by another boy when he was 8 and that caused awful problems which will never be properly fixed. That was out of his control, but has contributed to making me super sensitive to how important it is to avoid problems at all costs.

Not recognising earlier in life that I had been hard wired to put other people's emotional needs before my own.
I can't regret some of the sad, life changing events this led to as I gained so much too.
I can't go back, only forward and try and change this moving forward.

starting smoking

I wish I’d got diagnosed with adhd in my teens and not my early 40s. My life would have been so different! I’m not stupid, lazy, forgetful or all of the other things I have been called 🙄

I regret getting my eyebrows tattooed on when it first came out, they’ve gone orange 😳

I regret not starting a pension fund until I was in my 40s.

Not working abroad. Not doing the degree I wanted (history) and being talked into another degree which has led to a career (ish) that I don’t like.

settling down too young with the boyfriend I met at uni. He’s a good man but the spark is gone now.

not sleeping with more men/having more fun/ making more friends

Spending too much money on crap

On the plus side I have a nice house and two lovely DC. I know I’m lucky but still have a lot of “what ifs”….