Page 12 | To ask you your biggest regrets in life

ThefloorisLav · 2024-03-03T14:06:42+00:00

Just that really, do you have any major regrets from decisions you have made in the past? Any words of Wisdom?

GreyCarpet · 04/03/2024 07:42

Taking my mother's advice on anything.

I was in my 30s before I realised her advice on pretty much everything was based upon a combination of her own flawed thinking and an intentional desire to sabotage me.

I've been nc with her for 12 years now for many reasons.

Mother doesn't always know best and not all parents have their children's best interests at heart (whatever their age).

Mikki77 · 04/03/2024 07:46

The list is endless.....

Travelled more when I had the money
Bought a chanel handbag when I had the money
Had children sooner
Got professional help for my MH in my 20's

Danikm151 · 04/03/2024 07:47

Taking out finance
starting smoking

Saymyname28 · 04/03/2024 07:49

My entire relationship with my ex. I wasn't even that into him when I met him. I was just out to have a bit of fun before I went to uni. He took 10 years of my life and I gave up all my career opportunities to help him with his.

If I could have the same DS with DP I would go back in time and never meet exDH.

He is my only regret.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 04/03/2024 07:56

Not finding a great love. It was my dream, and I only fell for men with no interest in me. Looking back, I think it stemmed from childhood trauma.
I did have a child on my own aged 37, which was the best thing I ever did. Still, I mourn not having the traditional family setup, if I'm honest. I know it's not always a bed of roses though.

Thepeopleversuswork · 04/03/2024 08:03

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 04/03/2024 07:56

Not finding a great love. It was my dream, and I only fell for men with no interest in me. Looking back, I think it stemmed from childhood trauma.
I did have a child on my own aged 37, which was the best thing I ever did. Still, I mourn not having the traditional family setup, if I'm honest. I know it's not always a bed of roses though.

No such thing as a "great love". To be honest your setup, of having a child alone, while dodging the need to have a man involved, is probably the optimal environment for raising children. If they didn't bring money to the table there would be no point to them whatsoever. I applaud you.

Applesonthelawn · 04/03/2024 08:12

The things that went wrong for me were due to having exceptionally low self esteem and undiagnosed ASD. I don't know how I could have changed those things decades ago as the help/recognition was just not there. My life is immeasurably better since dealing with them though. As well as learning to live quite well in my present life, I'm more or less also coming to terms with the many things I did which I'm not proud of - didn't really hurt others much, more myself than anything.
I could say for instance I regret staying with the father of my child, but I accept now that he was the bastard, not me, and thankful I didn't waste more time. Thankful I have kept him and his shit influence away from my (now adult) child. Thankful I didn't need/ask for his money. Thankful I have DS at all. But yeah, shouldn't have wasted time on him.

peakygold · 04/03/2024 08:16

Not walking into the door of the Royal Navy careers' office, and marrying ex-H instead.

housethatbuiltme · 04/03/2024 08:20

I'm 35 and just started a hobby last year that has always been my big dream but I was too scared to be laughed at (I was mocked for it when I tried in my teens).

Since its an industry where success is people have trained heavily since childhood, most have 'made it' by now and had a 20+ year head start it feels far too late like starting a marathon when everyone else finished days ago.

Wish I had gone for it much earlier and not cared what anyone else though.

Goldenbrowntexturelikesun · 04/03/2024 08:33

Moving out from my parents house at the age of 26 to a house just around the corner and being with a husband who is happy to stay in the same house for the rest of his days.

25 years on I am now stuck in a village, which I adored as a child, but now despise and I am at the beck and call of my elderly parents (one has Alzheimer’s) who seem to think I’m available all the time because I live ‘just around the corner’. It is beyond stressful.

I long to be miles and miles in the countryside with fields and nature around me but it will never happen.

I also regret not studying when younger and believing a good life will just fall into my hands. As a consequence I now just have a job rather than a career (and maybe a career would have enabled me to afford the little house in the countryside?).

Oh AND believing the gynaecologists for the last 20 years when they said all my gynae issues were because of this or that and all ‘normal’ for women to go through when in fact it was undiagnosed endometriosis which I have just found that I have at the age of 51 and now have to wait 40 weeks to see an endo specialist!

Chanhedforthis · 04/03/2024 08:44

Dating stupid men in my 20s, i was a single mum and craved a family unit for my DD.

Not saying goodbye to an ex who died of pancreatic cancer, he died last year and even though we were split up over 10 years ago he was a good guy.

Learned to drive - i still haven't learned and i have 3 kids now and its sooo expensive!

Got a career, i did college and started uni but gave up. Currently have a very part time job in an office, wish id have studied to be a nurse.

Jetstream · 04/03/2024 08:51

Not staying in New Zealand. Webt there on hols before the 2008 crash.
Not telling more people to mind their own business.

Iwasafool · 04/03/2024 09:00

I was 17 and one month when I got married, first mistake. A week after the wedding I was contacted by one of his colleagues to say she was pregnant and just to put the icing on the cake they'd slept in our new flat in our new bed the night before the wedding. She wasn't pregnant but the rest was true. I stayed for 14 years (2nd mistake)and when I couldn't take any more I got the blame for breaking up the marriage.

unstableunicorn · 04/03/2024 09:01

Ohh so many regrets, not handling my relationship with my parents better and setting boundaries - we're fine now, but my upbringing left me with a lots of issues. My entire relationship with my ex and letting him treat me the way he did, DH had to help me unlearn many things he had conditioned me into thinking about myself.

I think my biggest regret though is not seeing my grandfather before he died. My parents had gently suggested the day before he passed that I should visit with them and that it might be the last chance but I didn't go because I was in denial and felt like if I didn't go he couldn't leave us. Irrational but I was a 15 year old not ready to say goodbye and now I'll never have the chance to. Years ago now but I've only just recently started to process that grief now and try to be kinder to myself about it.

Arthur64 · 04/03/2024 09:08

I should have taken the redundancy package offered on reorganisation instead of carrying on with the job . The new post after was nothing like , nearly broke me and I only managed a year before leaving . I really wish I'd taken the money!

willWillSmithsmith · 04/03/2024 09:20

Apart from the usual ‘my ex’ my biggest regret is frittering my money away when I was younger. If I could go back in time I would stress the importance of being money savvy to my young self and not waste it on unnecessary tatt.

Bowbobobo · 04/03/2024 09:24

I regret studying English at university. It led to a fabulous career but killed my love of reading. I should have done history.

Otherwise, I have no regrets. Life has not been a bed of roses but I’ve learnt from my trials and tribulations, I’m happy and I count myself very lucky.

Julianne65 · 04/03/2024 09:44

Not paying enough attention at school and then uni. Being too scared to learn maths properly. Not learning how to drive. Having sex too soon. Being so into boys as a teenager. Staying in a terrible job that I’m now stuck in as I can WFH and I need to be able to see my elderly mum a lot. Soooo many regrets…

Hartley99 · 04/03/2024 10:34

Even though my life has been pretty rubbish and, in many ways, a failure, I wouldn't say I regret anything. I wish it had been different, but I try not to beat myself up. It isn't a question of self-pity or looking for excuses, merely of being realistic and forgiving myself. I was such a mess in my teens and twenties that had I pushed myself I'd have had a breakdown.

People need to be kinder to themselves. Like I said, it's not a question of self-pity (I've seen enough of life to know that many people have it far worse). We're a product of two things – genetics and environment. If both are toxic, it's just too much for a young person to overcome. I inherited a lot of bad genes that left me prone to anxious depression (like my mother and grandmother). I also developed the same low energy, melancholic, introverted personality as my father. On top of that, I had a clinging, suffocating family, filled with trauma. When you have a parent with abandonment issues who does everything they can to stop you leaving them, AND genes that make you anxious and depressed, AND you're not properly socialised, it's too much. I'm not going to criticise my frightened, broken, shame-filled younger self. Frankly, it's a miracle she's still alive.

Nelliemellie · 04/03/2024 10:44

Regret not ending my engagement when I had doubts. So much stigma around that at the time. Probably was lovebomed into marriage. Went on to have severely special needs kids.

NancyPickford · 04/03/2024 11:03

I was very cruel and heartless to people who loved me. I was young, idiotic, and drunk on the power of my youth and good looks. Now I am old and feel deep, deep regret and shame for the way I behaved towards them. I often think how differently I would behave if I could travel back in time and be a decent human being.

641OrchidParade · 04/03/2024 11:12

No regrets

BlastedPimples · 04/03/2024 11:42

@Bowbobobo I know what you mean about your degree. I did English and American literature and my passion for reading was extinguished for years.

I really wish I had swerved university altogether actually and had done an apprenticeship in dress making, costume design, make up artistry or some such thing.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 04/03/2024 12:41

I also would make different choices with uni. I wish I’d studied a science or done something practical to gain a trade or skill. I haven’t studied my degree subject since uni as irrelevant to my job and I was sick of it so knowledge has faded and I feel it’s not given me anything useful.

Hartley99 · 04/03/2024 12:54

I feel deep regret over small moments of cruelty and spite. I remember bullying a girl in the school canteen, for example, when I was five or six. And I remember being vile to a boy from another school who used to come to our youth club when I was 10. He was shy and just trying to make friends. I also regret the way I callously used and dumped certain partners.