To ask you your biggest regrets in life

[ThefloorisLav]

Just that really, do you have any major regrets from decisions you have made in the past?

Any words of Wisdom?

Spending my entire 20's with a commitment-phobic tightwad.

You know I’ve had a lovely life … but I wish after 2 miscarriages in my 30s I’d looked at adopting . I’m happily married in my 50’s surrounded by a gang of pets but have never been called mum .. that’s my regret I was never someone’s mum

Not going to the GP sooner about gallstones which I knew I probably had. Led to pancreas damage, major pancreas surgery and 15yrs of constant pain. Lots of regrets with relationship with father of DC2 & 3. Too much involvement from my mother which influenced DS1’s feeling towards his step father, which eventually led to end of their relationship which then led to the end of our relationship. Ultimately it’s ex DP who holds most of the regrets about that. My regret was not leaving sooner and also not insisting on maintenance as he’s now in a great financial position and I’m not, I’m yet to buy my house as I’m stuck in a very expensive part of the country for 2more years until DD goes to Uni.

None - I'm surprised not more people are saying this?

I was taught from a very young age to live your life in such a way that you have no regrets at the end of it.
A mate did say to me a couple of years ago "You've lived more by age 35 than most do in 8 life times"

Definitely not enjoyed some parts - but I honestly, yeah I honestly don't regret anything in my life. I never really thought about it but that's brightened my day 😊

Not investing every extra penny in my 20s. Spending money on rubbish I don't need or remember.

I would be much richer now if I had some financial education back then.

Being so afraid of making mistakes that I almost never took a risk, and deciding it was more “dignified” to socially isolate myself than it was to try to make friends and risk looking “desperate.” I’m in such an entrenched pattern now and I’m finding it really difficult to break out of it.

So sorry about this. Hugs.

But surely your doctor knew and was advising you?

Could anything really have been done to change the outcome?

Professionals aren’t always great at recognizing ADHD in women now, and 45 years ago they were absolute crap at it. I hope you don’t internalize this one too much, because not being diagnosed wasn’t your fault.

This thread is just reminding me of all my regrets, I’m reading it thinking “me too, yes that too, also that”. But depressing.

I do have a different one… I recently got a pen pal for languages and sharing hobbies.
He is Scandinavian and incredibly good looking and funny but other side of world. It has made me realise and remember what it’s like to be attracted to someone (even if it’s over email). Also that I wish I’d travelled:dated/lived in Scandinavian countries when I was younger or just gone abroad and met people. Wish I’d fallen in love & experienced that more instead of marrying someone that was never that nice to me/violent. Now that I’m a single Mum romance is far less obtainable.

Spending so many years being overweight and unfit. Slow all my life until I had kids and then overweight for 13 years. Looking back I felt absolutely awful, sick and exhausted all the time. I’m fit now and never going back there again!

Leaving London for Surrey. Feel like I’ve aged 10 years, become so much more small-minded and unadventurous, and miss all my London friends.

Turns out being able to afford an extra bedroom, driveway and a garden doesn’t compensate for all the above.

I think a lot (maybe not all) of these only turn out to be regrets in hindsight. Some are polar opposites of each other.

Some regretting choosing career over settling down, some regretting settling down over career.

Some regretting some man they once thought was wonderful but now they can't stand and others regretting never pursuing that man they thought was wonderful.

I would love to have travelled more in my 20s but poor mental health and life circumstances meant it never happened. I'm doing all I can now to make sure I get to see the places that I want to see. Sure it won't be carefree gap years, it will be for much shorter periods and my family will be in tow, but it is something I can do to scratch that itch and live out that dream. Tbh with my MH in the drain and my tendency towards substance abuse/self-destruction I'm not sure travelling would have been the idealised experience I sometimes imagined.

Anyway. Very long-winded. But I'm not sure it's possible to get through life without some elements of regret or wondering. Hindsight really is 20/20.

Maybe worth considering what you can do now, although i appreciate it's not always possible or easy, contributing more to the pension, retraining, getting therapy, living healthier etc.

Yes, this.

I wish I'd believed in myself more when I was younger, and I wish I'd spent less time getting pissed.

Thank you for this. It has given me great comfort. I went home during my dad’s last minutes. I knew the end was close but not that close. I was so exhausted and needed to sleep. My head had barely hit the pillow when the hospital phoned to tell me he’d gone. It was 20 minutes after I’d left. I’d been with him for 20 hours.

Not having more children
Not retraining as a physio at 40
Not discovering yoga sooner
Drinking alcohol (every time I do it)
Not being a stay at home mum during the early primary years

Try and find a way. I wish my DH would.

When i was in my 20’s I thought I was fat, I wish I’d realised how thin and pretty I was.
I also wish I’d gone after the sort of blokes I fancied, rather than the ones who showed me some attention.

Not being diagnosed with ADHD earlier. I was diagnosed in my mid 20ies. But I am still dealing with some of the issues that cropped up between late teens to that time. Primarily related to MH but also with some impacts on my physical health (disordered eating).

It has massively improved and I am happy nowadays. So incredibly happy. But it could have been easier. So much easier.

edit: I wish I didn’t believe anyone - particularly not my family, classmates etc. - when they told me I was fat. I wasn’t!

Yes me too!

Not getting/ keeping control of my weight at the stage where it would have been a manageable issue to solve.

Getting on the plane when I went to America to be an Aupair is my biggest regret.
I left behind my boyfriend who was my first love and my parents intervened and split us up.
We saw each other about 5 years later and the spark was definitely still there but by that point I was married and had children with my emotionally and financially abusive ex husband.
I see him now occasionally and my heart still skips a beat...I will always wonder what if!!

@lambhotpot brilliant quote! ‘No point in regrets anyway - its like holding on to a grudge, you wont move on until you let go.’

Not going NC with my not so DM sooner. I wasted so much time trying to please her I lost myself along the way.
Ive only just stopped being a people pleaser now I’m in my 40s. Why did I not put myself first more? I deserved to focus on me for a change.
Not asking DP to marry me sooner! He’s a perfectionist and has ASD (which can over complicate his thoughts and plans a lot) so if I’d have waited for him I’d have been old and past it. I spontaneously thought fuck it, if I want something that badly then I should just go for it. As soon as he said yes it broke a weird angry barrier I’d put up because he’d not asked me yet. Looking back I put a lot of pressure on him because I’d started to have a major midlife crisis. I regret that. A lot.

Me too !