DH underwing my decision about a video game

[ohdeerohdear]

To feel cross that after a discussion with my children, it was decided that they were not allowed to get a video game that was rated a 12 as they are 8 and 9, but DH has gone ahead and let them get it this morning?
I've tried to explain that we need to teach our children to use the ratings as a guide to help them make decisions in the future and the ratings should be respected. By allowing them to get the game anyway, I feel like the message we are sending them is that the rating system doesn't matter and can be ignored.
DH refused to engage with this line of thought, saying that it's fine and the game isn't that bad. It involves your character running around trying to kill the other players.
Am I overreacting?

YANBU. No wonder kids are having so many problems now.

IT was decided? By IT do you mean YOU?

I'm very strict about gaming and time spent in front of screens, but I wouldn't judge a game by the age rating.

If your DH has played the game and thinks it is suitable then perhaps you should go with his judgement? He can only undermine you if you AND him made the decision in the first place.

@MrsSkylerWhite I had to laugh at this. There's much more evidence for the harms of mobile phones on kids mental health than 12 rated video games.

So you decided one thing and your DH decided another. Just have a conversation when the kids are in bed.

Are you also so strict about film age ratings?

I'm with your husband here. Sticking to age ratings religiously is stupid, there is so much variation that you have to take it on a case by case basis. My late husband was like this too, he'd ban a film because there was swearing in it but then watch TV programmes with serious violence in front of the kids because 'they weren't watching it'. Assess on a case by case basis, use common sense, ratings are only a small part of it.

In any situation, it is unhelpful and in the long-term toxic if one parent consistently undermines the other. Perhaps concentrate on this aspect when talking to DH?

Btw I agree with you, OP, about ratings. Adults often don't understand that children are not mini adults. An adult sees video game violence and knows it's not real, a child can see the same thing and have nightmares for weeks.

And more importantly, one reason for higher ratings is the online aspect of the games, with players all over the world gaming together. This is fine for adults but a very real safeguarding danger for young children.

For what it's worth, I find the website commonsensemedia helpful for evaluating video games/films etc.

So you both agreed it was wrong firstly?

As another OP said I tend to use commonsensemedia to get a balanced view of the age limit for a game. That said I couldn’t fine Fox Haven on there which would immediately make me more concerned.

It doesn't sound like it was decided, it sounds like YOU said no and your husband didn't agree.

Echoing pps to say that age ratings on games are largely daft and unless there's something like explicit sexual themes or violence, it's mostly down to complexity

I think it's sensible to stick to age restrictions. If your dh has played the game and deems it appropriate I'd trust his judgement .

I'd be slightly irritated by the undermining but I guess if you didn't discuss it first he might have felt the same.? He should have spoken to you first though

Yeah your overreacting if we had to judge our children on what the age board thought was inappropriate nowadays then they wouldn't ba able to play or watch anything, sometimes parents have to make their own judgement calls.

If it’s this then it doesn’t look like it would have anything massively inappropriate for 8/9 year olds. yes they’re running around to ‘kill’ the fox but doesn’t look like it is bloody or gory: https://store.steampowered.com/app/2596750/Foxhaven/ Game ratings are always very conservative, I don’t know many people who strictly follow the ratings. Bear in mind the age ratings go 3, 7, 12, 15, 18 but there is a big difference between a 7 year old and an 11 year old, also some children are more sensitive than others and game ratings tend to assume all kids are on the sensitive side. A game that wouldn’t be suitable for a young, sensitive 7 year old would have to be rated 12 but actually might not have anything a confident 9 year old would be bothered by. Ultimately the game ratings are just a guide, they’re not law and the ratings are always on the cautious side so it’s reasonable for parents to make a decision based on the individual children and the individual game, which it sounds like their dad has done.

I think this is the crux.

Tbh I generally ignore age ratings on games, films and tv programs and use my own initiative.

For example, I let my 8 and 10 year old watch FNAF despite it being a 15. It had no sexual content, and very little violence. It should have really been a 12A

Personally I’d not be worked up about that game it’s very tame and beleive parents should be able to make their own decisions.

i don’t agree with you your decision goes and not his.

I feel like the message we are sending them is that the rating system doesn't matter and can be ignored

it’s just a guide op. You’re acting like it’s a law.

Once upon a time people used to say this shit about books.

Give over, ratings are very strict now. My DH remembers going to blockbusters at 11 and getting an 18. No one used to bother with ratings back in the day, so suggesting children have so many problems now doesn't even make sense.

At what point was your DH involved in the discussion OP? Sounds like there was no discussion, it was your decision.

It doesn't sound like it was decided, it sounds like YOU said no and your husband didn't agree.

This. What was actually said?

I think you are overreacting. I really don't think a child needs to be exactly twelve years old for a lot of games rated a 12.

Much better to assess the individual game and the individual child.

What I'd be most interested in with a game of that nature is how your children react to losing on it. If they're having extremely frustrated temper tantrums because of skill issues or because they react very badly to losing, I wouldn't let them play it. If they seem happy and they're having fun and enjoying the competition element, crack on.

You will probably get loads of mums saying it is no big deal because they let their kids watch and play age resitricted stuff.

But the ratings are there for a reason and if you expose your kids to violence, sexually inappropriate and adult themes then they will become desensitised and crave more violent, more inappropriate content, which is seriously harmful.

Put your foot down. You're a parent and it's ok to be the bad guy, in order to protect your children.

Roast your husband too. He needs to learn this.

I just finished reading a smut novel which was basically porn but with words. Of course some books are inappropriate for kids! Would you let your 8 year old read porn?

Kids have been watching inappropriate stuff for decades

If it was truly as influential as is being made out by some hysterical cries on here then society would have collapsed into a dystopian murder hell hole long ago. But strangely most of us manage to differentiate between fantasy and reality

I know, right. Historically, there have been so many children pushing each other off cliff edges after watching Tom and Jerry and developing an insatiable thirst for violence. And yet it's still not banned. Outrageous.