DH underwing my decision about a video game

[ohdeerohdear]

To feel cross that after a discussion with my children, it was decided that they were not allowed to get a video game that was rated a 12 as they are 8 and 9, but DH has gone ahead and let them get it this morning?
I've tried to explain that we need to teach our children to use the ratings as a guide to help them make decisions in the future and the ratings should be respected. By allowing them to get the game anyway, I feel like the message we are sending them is that the rating system doesn't matter and can be ignored.
DH refused to engage with this line of thought, saying that it's fine and the game isn't that bad. It involves your character running around trying to kill the other players.
Am I overreacting?

So you're saying that watching a slap-stick, comedy Tom and Jerry cartoon about a cat and a mouse, is on the same level as Grand Theft Auto, where you play as an adult human male, who can make choices such as hiring and murdering a prostitute?

Where the nature of the game is violently stealing people's cars, running people over, going on crime sprees and being chased by police? (Who you can also murder)

But yeah, you're right, society is full of lovely grown up men who commit no crimes or rapes, burglaries or murders, commit no domestic violence at all!

In fact, there are absolutely no little boys who commit rape or murder either are there, so lets just let all kids be exposed to as much violence, bad language, rape and domestic violence themes as they want. Absolutely NOTHING at all wrong with that.

Are you for real?????

But books don’t come with an arbitrary age rating. I don’t think anybody on this thread is saying all games (or books) are suitable for all children. Rather, parents should be able to make their own judgement based on the individual game and the individual child. Just because a game says 12 doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be appropriate for some younger children, it really just means it isn’t suitable for all 7-year-olds and as such had to receive the next rating up from 7.

I think you have to use your judgement on individual games - when my son was younger he was a massive WWE fan - there is no age limit to watching it on the TV on a sat morning but the game was a 16. My DH played it and the only thing he could find was the use of a mild swear word! We let him have the game. Apart from GTA we rarely went by the age on the game after that but went on reviews, DH playing it first etc.

Exactly this. The ratings are decided by people. People may have a bee in their bonnet about a particular thing that wouldn't actually bother most parents.

With my husband it was the use of the F word - he used it liberally, but our kids (early/mid teens at this point) weren't allowed to hear it. Ridiculous.

A game with a mild swear word in it shouldn't be put in a higher age rating. The main criteria should be horror, violence and misogyny. But they're not.

It is unclear from the OP who was involved in the discussion. If you and your DH both agreed No, and your DH then changed his mind then you not being unreasonable. But if it was you telling the children No without including DH in that decision, then I think DH is entitled to make a different decision. In games the age level can be linked to skill level as well as content.

Did either of you look into the game content beyond the age rating?

Without knowing the discussions that happened it's hard to fully know how unreasonable any party has been.

But going behind the other parent's back is never cool.

I've played every GTA since they came out. I've never once considered planning a heist or doing a stunt jump out of a plane on a motorcycle.

Besides, we aren't talking about GTA. This is about Fox Haven. It's not even comparable in terms of content. If children can work out that Tom and Jerry is a cartoon, I'm pretty sure they can work out that this image isn't an educational video.

If you genuinely believe that a child would play this game and decide from that it's a good idea to commit murder, I really think you need a reality check.

Wow.

Fox Haven doesn't even have a PEGI rating so how are you saying it's been rated 12?

They are mostly useless anyway and most 12 rated games will be fine for younger kids. Anyone can go see a 12 in the cinema.

It's much better to watch videos online of the game as almost every single game has extensive footage of it available from people sharing their gameplay. I judge based on that rather than the ratings.

Why would I be having a dig at the OP? Kids under 12 play on 12 rated games all the time, look at Fortnite. Parents that are too anal about following age restrictions end up causing more harm than the game ever could as the child ends up excluded when all the other kids in the class are playing it and talking about it but they can't.

All 12+ means is that it may not be suitable for children under the age of 12.

Have you seen any videos of FoxHaven being played at all, OP? It's absolutely fine for 8-9 year olds.

I think its fine its not a 15-18 is it.
Might have played worse at a mates house.

You are not overreacting at all. They are years younger than that. Is he a bit of a Disney dad?

They are just a guideline....that's all

Foxhaven does not have a proper age rating.

A game needs to have a PEGI rating to be sold in stores. Before a game is given its PEGI rating, there is a thorough review process (which includes that ratings body viewing and playing the game). PEGI age ratings have some legal standing (eg, it is illegal to sell a game to a person younger than its rating).

“Indie Games” - i.e. games made by one person or a small team, are seldom sold in stores but are instead made available via online platforms, like Steam or the App Store.

While Apple does give age ratings, they’re based on a game’s developer’s response to a survey, rather than an actual review process. They don’t have any legal authority and are instead a rough guide.

Thats why Minecraft has a PEGI rating of 7+ but the App Store has it as 9+.

Foxhaven does look very “Tom and Jerry” and, were it to go through the proper PEGI age rating process, it would almost certainly be a 7+.

We aren't talking about an 18+ GTA game though are we (and BTW, plenty of men and women have played that for years now whilst being under 18 and haven't gone out and committed crimes. Blaming video games, really?)

It's a 12 rated game for an 8 year old

If DH has looked into it and thinks its suitable then why is he wrong and your strict adherence to a ratings system which you think they need to "consider" but also obey? And which makes certain allowances for individuals (just like a 12A film might be watched by younger if the parent approves)

Per my previous post, it isn’t even really a 12-rated game. It’s a game without a proper age rating (because it isn’t a full commercial release). It just has the very rough App Store age rating. Looking at videos of the game, I can’t imagine it would be a 12 if it went through the proper ratings process. It looks more like a 7+ than a 12.

UniversalTruth · Yesterday 10:16
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@MrsSkylerWhite I had to laugh at this. There's much more evidence for the harms of mobile phones on kids mental health than 12 rated video games.”

Theyre not mutually exclusive.

OP’s child is too young to have a mobile. we strictly observed ratings: two well balanced adults now.

This is why my five year old has just had to have a carpet talk in class about age appropriate material isn't it. They've got their whole lives, why is everything such a rush.

Generally speaking, I think it's OK for parents to judge for themselves whether a game/film/whatever is appropriate for their own child. The ratings system is a guide, not a law carved in marble and punishable by death, and I think it's perfectly reasonable for your DH to use his parental discretion and knowledge of his own kids to decide whether the game is all right for them.

He should have had a conversation with you about it first, but I think you're being too rigid about the rating thing. When I was a a kid, in the distant days of video rentals, my parents used their own discretion about what films I was allowed to watch - there were some 15-rated films they would let me watch aged 11, and some 15-rated films they absolutely would not let me watch, because the ratings are determined by different factors. A film rated 15 for swearing and jump-scares, for instance, they'd probably have let me watch. A film rated 15 for violence and sex, they probably wouldn't have.

@MrsSkylerWhite yes sorry you are correct. I should have written: I do not believe that there is evidence of the impact of 12 rated video games on mental health. My mobile phone example was to show that maybe things were are not familiar with create too much concern as opposed to things which should create concern, like mobile phones and social media.

This page seems to suggest that phone ownership at the age of 9 is 44% link

I'm sure you made lots of parenting decisions, you can't know that sticking rigidly to age ratings led to any outcome, or that the same decision for another child would have the same result.

I see the OP @ohdeerohdear has returned to explain how the original decision was arrived at

hasnt

What do you think the maximum penalty for selling someone under age a video game is ?