That I AM feeding my baby ‘proper’ food

[GreenButterBlackBean]

A friend commented today that she felt bad for my one year old because I don’t feed them ‘proper’ meals. I feel we’ve got a pretty reasonable diet. Not perfect, but nothing to get excited about either. Friend implied strongly that a) too many of my meals are lazy/easy, b) not enough traditional hot meals (listed meals she makes for her family eg shepherd’s pie, fish pie, etc) and c) that I’m being borderline neglectful for not routinely offering snacks between meals (says her kids get those wrapped cheese sticks, crackers, raisins, yoghurt tubes, soreen bars, etc and I should be giving those two in between meals), d) I’m horrible for not offering desert after every meal whilst simultaneously getting it wrong serving fruit or yoghurt at the same time as meals.
Found myself getting more and more annoyed and frankly defensive. So thought I’d ask for feedback here. Am I really getting it all wrong?

For context to best of recollection last few days one year old had the following:

Breakfast: Porridge with semi skim milk, half a banana and spoonful of peanut butter plus a few quartered grapes
Lunch: Slice of whole grain bread with hummus and carrot, couple of pieces of mature cheddar, lychees, strawberries
Dinner: Canned sweet corn cooked with spoonful of cream cheese & feta, piece of baguette. Other half of breakfast banana.
No snacks

Breakfast: Small brioche roll with cream cheese, watermelon, lychees
Lunch: Pesto savoury pancake with tomatoes and garlic mushrooms, Greek yoghurt with some mashed up strawberries
Dinner: Cheese toastie on whole grain bread, green beans, carrots
No snacks

Breakfast: Omelette made in microwave with spinach, tomatoes and peppers. Half a banana.
Lunch: Porridge with other half of banana and peanut butter, pieces of cheddar cheese, cucumber
Dinner: Homemade Tofu Pad Thai with sugarsnap peas and peppers
Snack: Watermelon

Breakfast: Whole grain toast with butter and peanut butter, watermelon
Lunch: Veggie Pizza slice (eaten out) plus five or so chips, a couple of spoonfuls of vanilla ice cream
Dinner: Cheesy Mashed Potato and Sweet potato with scrambled egg with tomatoes and spinach
No snacks

Toddler also has around 300-400mls of semi-skimmed milk a day, otherwise water.
Is 50%ile for weight.

So AIBU?

@GreenButterBlackBean If you are not giving your child meat or fish ( and personally I think fish is the best protein source, the longest lived societies have a fish based diet)then you need to be much more experimental ultimately with protein sources. An awful lots of veggies live off cheese and milk related protein ,it’s really not that great for your cardio vascular system . I would also never think processed snacks are great and I never fed my toddler pizza, chips or ice cream….why would you bother, you’ve got years ahead of them wanting junk food so how’s the time to load up with the healthy snacks!!!

Your meals sound fine to me. I might include a bit of chicken for protein, but that's just my preference.

The meals consist of more than one thing, so maybe one of the lunch items could be kept back and given mid-afternoon?

I liked snack time in the afternoon. Not so much for the snacks, but DS was very full on and it was a good point to start to wind things down for the day.

Snack time, then finish what we were doing, then tidy away time and then DS had CBeebies for an hour or so, and mummy sat on the settee with a cup of tea and tried very hard to look interested in whatever Mr Tumble was doing.

There’s no need for snacks. Why is she obsessed with your child’s food 😆 tell her snacking is bad.

Your menu seems healthy to me.

None of sweetcorn, cream cheese nor feta go with each other; cheese doesn't go with houmous, watermelon doesn't go with peanut.

Says who? People can eat whatever food combinations they like, surely?

Oh, and cheese and hummus is a lovely combination, especially in a toasted sandwich.

I think if your baby is enjoying those meals, and they are following their growth curve then keep going as you are. It's a great variety of foods and covers all food groups, sounds like you're doing brill!

Hardly any of my circle of 'mum friends' still have the typical shepherds pie kinda meals anymore, like heavy meaty stodgy food, so don't worry about that, it's very traditional, but if that's what works for her and her children are happy and healthy she can crack on. She has to accept that all families have different food preferences and cooking styles, and just because yours isn't the same as hers, you can both have happy healthy, well fed children.

Those who don't give snacks or who are saying that snacks contribute to childhood obesity etc, what do you do if your child says they are hungry between meals? I do think there's some truth in the concerns and I know as a child I'd have been told, no snack now dinner's in an hour. But my DS is 21mo and it seems so cruel to refuse him food at 4.15 when tea is at 5 and he's crying asking for something. If I was hungry I'd have a nibble of something whilst cooking no question. If I say no he throws a tantrum and whilst I'm not afraid of that, I don't want to be denying a basic need in order to adhere to my adult imposed view of when teatime should be. How does one manage this?

I would give him a snack earlier at 3ish if he is consistently crying asking for something to eat at 4.15 each day. All children are different and some toddlers need snacks sometimes and some don’t.

If they are having hangry meltdowns, give snacks, but if they don’t need them, that’s fine.

Thanks. I do already offer about 3 and sometimes he eats loads then won't ask later but mostly declines or eats very little. Then of course is hungry later. I guess there's no right answer really, everyone is different.

Yea that’s tricky. If mine are really harassing me for something at that time luckily they are more than willing to accept a raw green bean or baby cucumber as the only option so doesn’t fill them up 😆

This. Mine never ate between meals.

As per my earlier post, could you share how you managed this please? I don't want my child to be unhealthy because of snacks and I am at a bit of a loss as to how you actually go about insisting on no food between meals when you have a toddler asking for food. Did you literally just ignore them crying? I am genuinely asking btw because I think we've got into a bit of a slippery slope of snacking especially since baby sibling arrived and my tolerance for tantrums is low.

@HiCandles your DC is still young and has no idea of time and a small tummy.
I wouldn’t worry now, just give healthy snacks like a bit of fruit or hummus with carrots etc Most toddlers have snacks between meals btw. Nurseries also offer snacks.

My older child doesn’t snack and if he is hungry, I can explain when dinner/lunch is. I wouldn’t worry too much now, as long as you don’t constantly give crisps or sweets as snacks.

Yes I'd happily eat sweetcorn and feta! And definitely cheese and hummous (lovely on toast, with tomato, I find)

My baby is 14 months and the health visitor told us at the 10 month check that the advice now is that semi-skimmed milk is fine after 12 months. Speaking to the other mums at baby group, they were advised the same.

I think routine helps with this. Having set times for meals and snacks, even at 21m they get used to routine. We have a morning and afternoon snack in a routine of similar time each day. Obviously we are flexible depending on what we are doing/what they ate and so on but as a general rule. Also I saw a big Start for Life advert poster in my GP surgery that said snacks for kids should be under 100 calories each so that's what I try to stick to as well. If it's within 1hr or so of a meal if they're really hungry and upset I might give them a very small snack say 50 calories or less to tide them over, explain we will be eating soon and then try distracting them until then. I don't think it's bad for kids to be hungry for their meals but obviously they shouldn't be so hungry they are in pain or feel unwell, or anything like that.

I don’t want to derail but a question for those giving infants/toddlers porridge -

How old is your child and are they using cutlery themselves?

The reason I am asking is that DC absolutely refuses to be spoon fed so things that were previously on the menu are now off until she masters cutlery. She is 14 months old, is happy to play with a spoon, but definitely can’t load it yet, and if it is preloaded most food falls off before it gets anywhere her mouth.

No more porridge until I don’t have to wash it out of her hair!

DifficultBloodyWoman my dc used their hands. You can make porridge ‘fingers’ that they can grip too, so if you do that it’s less messy than other cereal. All cereal went in the hair ime, along with banana, yogurt, etc!

Yeah I was wondering if the digs were because you’re daring to raise a vegetarian child….the horror! That food looks perfectly fine OP! I have 2 vegetarian sons who are tall and a healthy weight for their ages (9 and 11). Let it go over your head. When my youngest was a baby, I had so much grief because I wanted my child to eat healthy…I was mean and unkind not letting him have sugar etc. he’s 11 now and obviously eats sugar (I try to keep it to a minimum) but I don’t see the need to give sugar to babies/toddlers. People love to force their views on you because of their own insecurities. Fuck em!

My 3 veggie sons ( 2 are now vegan ) ages 23, 20 and 20 are healthy and have grown up normally just like any other kid.
Don’t let people or your friend question your choices.

As your dc gets older or now if you like I’d introduce things like
lentils…Dahl is great and they can dip in veggie sticks or bread or just have with rice
marmite….nuf said
yeast flakes….for b12, put in everything. A teaspoon gives over 200 times daily requirements
beans….all sorts.

Your meals sound amazing and no I wouldn’t personally go overboard on snacks or as they get older they start relying on them and not eating main meals. Made that mistake with my eldest.

Her DC's age is mentioned in the very first sentence and subsequently all throughout the thread. How can you possibly 'not see' that?

Sounds lovely!
If she's ok without snacks and not losing weight it wouldn't bother me, mine were milk monsters tbh (still ate at 11&15 lol) but I always had something relevant to diet handy like bread sticks, fruit, raisins (although I think both mr two children only ever threw them or spat them out lol!) if they seemed hungry

I've just been looking at the NHS advice here:

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/weaning-and-feeding/babys-first-solid-foods/

They suggest you could try two snacks after the age of one. Also gives an indication of how much protein/ dairy etc to give - you have to scroll down quite a bit.

She'll get there. I wouldn't stop giving her porridge because it gets in her hair though. It's so good for them and you can mix lots of good things in: mashed fruit, chia seeds, flax seeds, nut butters etc.

Give it sometimes on mornings where she can go straight in the bath after if it's that messy.

My son was the same- never took to spoon feeding. I made his porridge thicker back then so that he could more easily scoop it with his hands. Jumbo oats are good for that. I always gave him a spoon though. He mucked about with it and saw us using cutlery and eventually he figured it out.

He's 2.5 now and is crazy for porridge- we have it most mornings with different toppings.

hi OP. I can see you are doing very well with basketry of fruit and veg. agree with posters re full fat milk. also a bit low on protein/iron

personally I would give either meat/fish/ lentils/ beans once a day with aim of meat or fish at least 2 -3 times a week. the recommendation for adults is one palm size of meat or fish, not sure about babies. but as they are growing they need protein and iron

snacks are not essential, just give if you want to/ baby is hungry. tbh I would not want to give processed items such as the cheese or yoghurt tubes anyway. just sugar free yoghurt, fruits, Normal cheese etc

either way, no call for your friend to be so rude!