That I AM feeding my baby ‘proper’ food

[GreenButterBlackBean]

A friend commented today that she felt bad for my one year old because I don’t feed them ‘proper’ meals. I feel we’ve got a pretty reasonable diet. Not perfect, but nothing to get excited about either. Friend implied strongly that a) too many of my meals are lazy/easy, b) not enough traditional hot meals (listed meals she makes for her family eg shepherd’s pie, fish pie, etc) and c) that I’m being borderline neglectful for not routinely offering snacks between meals (says her kids get those wrapped cheese sticks, crackers, raisins, yoghurt tubes, soreen bars, etc and I should be giving those two in between meals), d) I’m horrible for not offering desert after every meal whilst simultaneously getting it wrong serving fruit or yoghurt at the same time as meals.
Found myself getting more and more annoyed and frankly defensive. So thought I’d ask for feedback here. Am I really getting it all wrong?

For context to best of recollection last few days one year old had the following:

Breakfast: Porridge with semi skim milk, half a banana and spoonful of peanut butter plus a few quartered grapes
Lunch: Slice of whole grain bread with hummus and carrot, couple of pieces of mature cheddar, lychees, strawberries
Dinner: Canned sweet corn cooked with spoonful of cream cheese & feta, piece of baguette. Other half of breakfast banana.
No snacks

Breakfast: Small brioche roll with cream cheese, watermelon, lychees
Lunch: Pesto savoury pancake with tomatoes and garlic mushrooms, Greek yoghurt with some mashed up strawberries
Dinner: Cheese toastie on whole grain bread, green beans, carrots
No snacks

Breakfast: Omelette made in microwave with spinach, tomatoes and peppers. Half a banana.
Lunch: Porridge with other half of banana and peanut butter, pieces of cheddar cheese, cucumber
Dinner: Homemade Tofu Pad Thai with sugarsnap peas and peppers
Snack: Watermelon

Breakfast: Whole grain toast with butter and peanut butter, watermelon
Lunch: Veggie Pizza slice (eaten out) plus five or so chips, a couple of spoonfuls of vanilla ice cream
Dinner: Cheesy Mashed Potato and Sweet potato with scrambled egg with tomatoes and spinach
No snacks

Toddler also has around 300-400mls of semi-skimmed milk a day, otherwise water.
Is 50%ile for weight.

So AIBU?

@AutumnFroglets keep the banana skin on. I often just cut the banana in half, and put Ds half a banana still in skin in his nursery snack box, and the other half still in skin goes in the fridge. The fridge one can just slice thin exposed end off if needed later but it’s fine when peeled.

Haha see my point re getting defensive was that was feeling pretty happy with what I was doing but like I said she seemed very certain I was majorly messing it up. Several people on the thread agree with her, so I promise she’s not made up.

Thank you!!! I’ll switch to full fat milk today.

If your friend's advice was unsolicited I think she's really rude! And making you feel bad so I would tell her to FO.

As you did ask here though, I think it's a really good varied diet although I personally gave my toddlers a portion of meat or fish each day as they were very busy boys and gobbled it up. Tinned pilchards in tomato sauce were a particular fave, weirdly. But I'm not clued up about the benefits of vegetarian protein and beans etc so as long as you are happy that there's enough protein in her diet and she's growing properly then I can't see what your friend has a problem with.

We def have beans/pulses most days I guess I just posted a snapshot of a few days without. We don’t eat meat at home and I wouldn’t order it but if friends have cooked for us we would eat it. If toddler ends up requesting it at some point I can start making some at home too but doesn’t seem fussed atm.

I would echo full fat milk. It isn't just about the calories. The fat in the milk is where the nutrition - in particular vitamin D is. You go lower fat, you remove the benefits.

I have a friend like this. My ex MIL was like this too. They both were enraged because I dont give my one year old sweets or sugary drinks

You can't please everyone, but if what you do pleases you then crack on with it and tell your friend to bore off

My DS is still here a quarter of a century after eating nothing but potato waffles for over a year. There is way too much angst over "healthy" food (though I get that just potato waffles is not ideal). As for snacks they are a modern obsession, other than occasionally cake at a relative's house or something like an ice cream at the seaside we didn't eat between main meals in the 80s. There's nothing wrong with snacks as such, just some people seem very fixated on them

Highly recommend you ignore anyone who says your child needs meat/fish for the protein. I have two boys who are tall for their age who don't eat meat. Have occasionally eaten fish fingers. They love cheese and milk (echo the full fat suggestion) which has lots of protein and they like all sorts of beans.
My husband is 6,1 and has never eaten meat in his life.

No need to "ignore". I dont think my post was worded as advice, merely personal experience. There's nothing wrong with eating meat or fish. Just as there's nothing wrong with avoiding them.

Height is usually genetics. Tall husband, tall kids...? But lucky you anyway.

@magentacloud

what do you think she should be feeding them instead??

I’m not really sure what a girl dinner is tbh.

Nobody actually makes things like shepherds pie every day do they??

if they do , they need to stop and get a life.

She does. 😂 And a full roast every Sunday. Kudos to her.

Explain it to me quickly: What is a TikTok ‘girl dinner’ and should I eat one tonight? | TikTok | The Guardian

Sorry, it wasn't aimed at you. It's just something that comes up a lot on these threads. And as a parent of a veggie.
Yes, it's definitely genetics... but the amount of people who genuinely suggest me not feeding my kids meat everyday will Trump the genetics is bonkers.

Some people don’t like/feel the need to eat things in the usual combinations, which are only convention anyway.

@GreenButterBlackBean sounds like good food to me, the sort of thing my 9 year old eats- he doesn’t bother with ‘proper meals’ all that much, just eats whatever combination of the stuff we have that he fancies… so long as there is a balance over a week of carbs/protein etc it doesn’t matter. He has also never had full fat milk.

IsaidByeByeMissAmericanPie yeah don't worry I've been there re the judgy friend criticising all the cooking I did as a very unconfident new mother. It's so demoralising when you are just doing your best. I think the OP knows her own child and should just listen to her own instincts and follow her own path. Horses for courses etc

Full fat milk at this age.
not a lot of veg in this, watermelon is also not that nutritious.
a lot of salt: feta, chips…

I don't think snacks are necessary until DC are running around exercising a lot, then we used to give one snack, usually fruit pancake or similar.

I do find a lot of the flavour combinations in this diet a bit strange and it does seem like a snacky last day before the food delivery, that might be what the ex friend means. None of sweetcorn, cream cheese nor feta go with each other; cheese doesn't go with houmous, watermelon doesn't go with peanut. It's your choice, but maybe some more normal pairings would go down better. I also think it's very light on protein. If you want to raise a veggie, then try more eggs, beans, lentils, peas and other protein sources.

Mix things up a it; if you do bread for breakfast then pearl barley risotto or cousous or pasta or rice or baked potato for lunch, basically anything except more bread. If you did peanut butter one day then almond or cashew butter the next.

Agree with this.

plus not a lot of variety on fruit and veg.
you don’t have tk cook everything from scratch but your meals all seem very snacky.

baffled why you would give a toddler ice cream, chips and brioche in a normal week. These are treat foods for me.

Your dinners are random, OP, I'm not sure I'd ever put these food combinations together and certainly wouldn't call that a dinner, but each to their own.

Your DC should be on full fat milk at this age as everyone said earlier.

Your meals are too low on protein, I'd say up the protein & veg combinations and lower carbs-based combinations.

Re snacks, well, I don't know what you do with your DC, but I am out for most of the day with my DS on my days off and he is very active in terms of various activities and sports and so there is no way he'd go through the day without snacks. I think it's a good opportunity to plant healthy habits, like having fresh veg & hummus or say berries and greek yoghurt, apple & nut butter, crackers, cheese & grapes etc. I don't tend to offer these with or after a meal but separately as snacks to let him replenish some energy throughout the day.

Cheese doesn’t go with hummus?!

Reminds me of my SIL who feeds her toddlers a slice of bread with butter and cucumber and thinks that’s dinner. And then doesn’t understand why they wake in the night asking for a bottle of milk.

I wish my kids would eat like yours OP! It's maybe the lack of 'traditional' meals that is making her judge but if that's how your family eat, and she's eating what you eat then that is fine I think. Re snacks, NHS recommended that you CAN introduce 2 snacks after 12 months and these are things such as fruit, veg, plain yoghurt, rice cakes or cheese slices. Nothing drastic, no sugar, not processed. It's also not a necessity if eating a good portion at meal times.