To not remind dh of MIL’s birthday?

[BirthdayBlitz]

Name changed for this one. MIL’s birthday is in the next few weeks. We are not close at all, by her choosing. When together (not often at all, we live far apart) we are cordial but that’s it.

Dh is bad with dates and never remembers her birthday. I on the other hand am good on dates and remember it. We’ve been married 25 years and at the beginning we’d do cards, then that fell off and we’d at least acknowledge birthdays which was fine with me. For the past few years I haven’t gotten even an acknowledgment on my birthday. Dh is remembered (his birthday falls on a holiday so it’s pretty hard to forget) and every year I have to remind him to call his mother, usually multiple times.

WIBU to just skip it this year and not remind dh?

This totally.

My DH used to 'forget' - because he had a failsafe - me. Even for my birthday.

When my milestone birthday passed without a gift/meal/anything because he forgot to get/organise something in time, I'd had enough. He said he was embarrassed but just kept forgetting. Truthfully, he just didn't prioritise it because he assumed I'd do something myself & he wouldn't HAVE to prioritise it.

I stopped reminding him about anything & decided he could live with the discomfort of facing people when he forgot. If told by his family we forgot (like it's my fault) I'd just say 'Talk to DH, it's his responsibility to remember his family birthdays, I do mine'.

DH learned VERY quickly to use special date reminder apps & his calendar to ensure he didn't forget once HE was in the firing line.

Well I guess there’s no problem then is there, no reason for you to suggest the op would be ‘petty or nasty’ not to remind him if there may be no consequences anyway.

I am nice to my husband, thanks. He just happens to be a fully functioning adult who can deal with his own family's birthdays.

Don't remind him, me and my mother in law don't get on and I stopped reminding my DH.

Not my problem that's what I see it as.

What purpose does it serve and what are you trying to achieve?

Yes he should be able to remember but he clearly doesn't. What's the harm in reminding him & suggesting he put a recurring reminder in his phone?

Life is way too short for this crap. I'm sure he reminds you of thubgs or helps you out in little ways too.

This!

I like to acknowledge my husbands families birthdays too. But then I'm not your average MN Mil hater.

I suggested nothing of the sort 😆
Are you just arguing for the sake of it now?!
How tedious.

I meant ‘you’ as in the plural, like many on this thread have been suggesting it would be petty not to remind the grown man of his own mother’s birthday. I do apologise for not being clearer on that, but you certainly do seem to need to get a grip yourself considering your responses to my posts alone.

Well done. Would you like a prize?

There's a difference between acknowledging a birthday and having to remind your husband because he can't remember his own mother's birthday. Not wanting to have to remind him does not make one a 'MIL hater'.

Oh but it does. We don't do petty point scoring in my family. But you do what makes you happy. If saying 'don't forget your mums birthday tomorrow' is too much like wifework for you then that's fair enough. To me it's just being nice.

A grown man does not need reminding every year . He's known her longer than you ... he sounds like he gets you to his thinking on the mundane stuff !!!

I like my husband a lot but he respects me enough to do his own thinking / remembering.

Either remind him once, or tell him you're not going to be reminding him any more because he needs to take responsibility for remembering.

Lets hope he respects you enough never to have to remind you of anything then.

The answers on here are surprising. Why should she remind him? It's his mother!

OP It's up to your DH to remember his own parents birthdays, he should know the dates by now, he's had enough years to commit them to memory.

My husband never has to remind me of my mother's birthday. Nor would I expect him to.

This is an example of the mental load that always mentioned on here. And in my experience men can generally remember things when they want to, especially if they are managing to hold down a job!

Your adult husband doesn't know how to use neither a paper nor electronic calendar? How is he not embarrassed by that?

I wouldn't remind him, nor would I expect my DH to remind me of my mum's birthday.

It's not petty point scoring. I don't remind him because he is perfectly capable of remembering and indeed does remember, every single year. Why would he need me to remind him?

I'd tell him that given her behaviour, you're pulling back from now on so you won't be reminding him it's her birthday and that frankly, if he can't remember his own mother's birthday he needs to sort his shit out.

Then I would never mention it again.

All these men who apparently can't remember such simple things. However do they cope in the world?
My vagina stopped being the family calendar years ago. I've got better things to keep up there.

I'd remind him and save him the inevitable upset mother.

Just because she's unkind to you doesn't mean your husband has to suffer her upset by you being petty

I agree you shouldn't tell him. They don't bother with you so why should you be doing MIL any favours.

If the husband doesn't want to suffer his mother's upset he could try remembering her birthday.