To not remind dh of MIL’s birthday?

[BirthdayBlitz]

Name changed for this one. MIL’s birthday is in the next few weeks. We are not close at all, by her choosing. When together (not often at all, we live far apart) we are cordial but that’s it.

Dh is bad with dates and never remembers her birthday. I on the other hand am good on dates and remember it. We’ve been married 25 years and at the beginning we’d do cards, then that fell off and we’d at least acknowledge birthdays which was fine with me. For the past few years I haven’t gotten even an acknowledgment on my birthday. Dh is remembered (his birthday falls on a holiday so it’s pretty hard to forget) and every year I have to remind him to call his mother, usually multiple times.

WIBU to just skip it this year and not remind dh?

Reminding him once seems fine.
I am the one who is rubbish with dates, my DH reminds me.

I usually remind DH a couple of times but I no longer nag or buy the card/gift myself although will sort out MIL Christmas gift.

I set a recurring meeting in google calendar that sends a reminder email of each h event to
Me and partner 7 days before the event. It's used for all close family's birthdays.

I'd remind him. I'm not petty for the sake of it though.

I wouldn’t class it as “petty and nasty” from anyone 🤷🏻‍♀️

What is this “rubbish with dates?” We all have phones with calendars and reminders, it’s nothing to do with memory, it’s choosing not to enter it into a diary system.
I ‘D remind him once, and then text MiL myself on the day.

You are pissed off with your MIL but are going to take action that might backfire on your husband, and change the way things have always worked before, which I don't think is that fair actually (though think it's mad that you got into that habit in the first place).

I'd write down all the dates for him that you normally remind him of, tell him to put them in his phone or find another way to remind him as you don't want the responsibility any more, and then it's a fair warning

Is your husband a fully functioning adult who can remember things at work etc?

I wouldn't remind my partner of his mum's birthday even if I loved her to bits, because I'm not his PA.

I'd remind him once and I agree with PP, it's petty not to.

Of course she remembers his birthday, would you ever forget the day you had a child.
It would be petty and unkind to deliberately not mention it.
I would remind him and tell him to set a recurring reminder in his phone.

You’ve twice quoted me without actually answering anything in my posts. Why on earth would an adult man need reminding of his own mother’s birthday? This isn’t like forgetting which bin goes out on a Friday, or forgetting some other random bit of information. And again, does anyone here think the op needs reminding from her husband about any of her family’s birthdays?

I've been married to DH for 6 years. I don't know my MIL's birthday exactly (I know it's around April, that's all). His family, his business. And he never forgets.

What do you think your DH did before you met? Did he always just forget and if so, why is it your job to rectify his mistakes?

Is having a vagina the qualification needed to be the family calendar reminder?

I wouldn’t bother , but my inlaws don’t bother with mine , why would I bother with theirs ?

I’ve told you I don’t consider the act of forgetting something to be, as you called it; “petty and nasty” 🤷🏻‍♀️
The rest of your posts are just noise, I’m afraid.

I always used to forget my dad's birthday but since the advent of mobile phones and their handy calendars and reminders I've not forgotten since yes I have adhd but I'm an adult this is adulting my way

I would be upset with my son, if he forgot my birthday, it’s petty not to remind your husband, be treated as you would hope to be treated!

It doesn’t take a lot of effort to just say- “it’s your mums birthday tomorrow” and leave it at that.
Text it to him if he’s likely to moan that you didn’t remind him.
It’s such a small thing, be the bigger person.

This forum is unreal sometimes.

This is wifework. If he's too lazy to put it in his phone calendar and is bad with dates, that's his problem.

I am really not sure why you would keep reminding him, particularly when MIL doesn't bother with your birthday at all.

Of course it is, but it’s pretty clear that you and many posters here seem to think being a secretary/pa is part of the wedding vows for a woman…

If there are consequences of him forgetting his own mother’s birthday, why on earth shouldn’t he face them. It’s honestly a baffling that anyone would excuse this man needing reminding every year of its approach. I would love to see a reverse AIBU - ‘My mother is angry I forgot her BDay but I’m furious with DH for not reminding me’. Could you imagine the responses?

I'd be upset if my own child couldn't be bothered to remember my birthday

I wouldn't blame their partner

It’s not forgetting, that would happen as a one off, not every single year. Every year shows he doesn’t care, so if he doesn’t, why should OP?

I agree.

it's not wifework to actually be nice to your husband. I often wonder if anyone actually likes their husbands on MN.

Op hasn’t suggested that her dh would blame her, or that either he or his mother would be either angry or furious.
Calm down.

The husband should be nice to his mum and remember her birthday.