Aibu to wonder why private schools produce more "well rounded" children? Is it the school or the parents?

[Kenthighst]

I know all state schools produce well rounded children eg those kids that are academic, musical, sporty, confident, excel at drama & can try their hand at anything.

But private schools churn out well rounded kids so aibu to wonder if it is the actual school who produce these kids or is it parental input?

My daughter’s private school friends are quite an anxious and neurotic bunch. Not self-harming, no eating disorders or drugs, but general overthinking and self-criticism (wish they had this private school confidence I hear about). Is there less anxiety amongst state school kids do people think?

They are at a huge advantage with parents who can afford to pay the fees ,have good jobs/education themselves and small class sizes to boot.Win Win really.Less advantaged children are bright as well but dont accomplish the same level of confidence generally

My experience from both state and private with my DC.

Private expected a lot of academic learning was expected to be done and solidified outside the school (more homework, tutoring from reception, etc was rampant). They didn't really teach but checked the knowledge.

The above freed up time to do a lot of other "enriching activities" - properly rehearsed and costumed school plays, multiple school trips, age-appropriate talks at school starting from, again, reception.

Theatrics around raising caps and shaking hands, straight backs, looking into eyes, etc. Children were very confident and not afraid of talking to teachers "as equals".

And then, the huge factor were families who had all additional holidays and means to take children abroad, pay for all extracurriculars ,and so on.

State school - the teachers were actually teaching the "hard and boring stuff" and not outsourcing that to parents and tutors.

The distance between teachers, headteachers and children was huge, and seemed a bit condescending.

Commenting on children in the presence of children was a norm (in our PS they would never criticise the child in front of parents).

Miraculous how much the school could do and organise given the funding constraint. I am truly impressed.

Parent involvement was definitely less, e.g. few very involved and active parents, many were MIA, silent class WhatsApp and so on.

As a bottom line, as a pure academic investment I don't see a point paying for primary private school . I wasn't clear re what we were paying for.

In terms of "everything else", yes, private was great and I can see how social confidence and ability to speak about anything to anyone is created.

You spelled "entitled" wrong.

There's no doubt that money makes a big difference, but take two children at private/public school with monied parents - one set of parents are abusive, one not, and the child with the abusive parents will struggle much more than children at a standard state school with interested, supportive parents.

Some wealthy parents use boarding school as the alternative to putting their child in care.

Back in the 70s and 80s, some boarding schools were worse than state children's homes.

The outcomes for one or two of my peers whose wealthy parents were in the abusive category have not been good.

My children all went to decent Grammar Schools where they were educated with intelligent aspiring children. Definitely higher achievements if the class mates are well behaved, competitive and confident.

There's so much wrong with this I don't know where to start.

It's shit that you were bullied, obviously, but you were not bullied because you were at a state school. Neither were you bullied because your parents were ideologically opposed to private education. You were bullied because you were unfortunate enough to cross the path of bullies, and the authority figures didn't do enough to help.

Private schools are not immune from bullying. Neither do they magically instill self-confidence.

How can only mixing with privileged wealthy children at school make them more well rounded?

Good grief, what is 'well rounded'?

My daughter went to a massive comp in a rough area. She left with 3 GCSE's. She can talk to anyone and has been offered literally every single job she's ever interviewed for. Her first job at 18 was working in a men's remand prison running a clinic as an HCA, dealing with some of the most troubled people imaginable. Her next job at 19 was in a maternity unit, where she had experiences like supporting postnatal patients with psychotic disorders, and women who'd just delivered a stillborn baby. I went to a private school. A boarding school actually. I hadn't half the social confidence or the nous my daughter had at 18 and would have been completely unable to deal with the things my daughter has taken in her stride as a teenager in employment. And my private school was awash with people with eating disorders, emerging substance abuse, and terrible relationships with their parents.

Don't mistake articulateness, a posh accent and a sense of entitlement for being 'well rounded'.

I think it depends on what you define as well rounded. My experience private school kids get more exposure to: art, music, literature, sports, finance, etiquette, food and drink, other cultures, etc. which in my mind makes them more well rounded individuals.

Good grief, what is 'well rounded'?

Maybe it's a euphemism for 'well-padded', despite the OP's claim that she's seen no overweight kids at her local private schools. Perhaps they manage out puppyfat.

Most of the adults I know who went to private school are detached from their parents and took way too many drugs in their youth. But they were borders at very high end schools.

But none of these are things that parents can't easily facilitate, if they have the money to do so.

They look and sound the same?! What the fuck.

This is just not true, you're just too prejudiced to understand that.

These days, I would say probably not. Lots of kids are struggling with anxiety etc these days.

When I was at school in the late eighties/ early nineties... maybe?

I agree parent s can, but most parents in my experience don't, whereas the private schools just have it as a matter of curriculum and all the students get the exposure.

Drugs, anorexia, self harm, mental health issues - are you saying these aren't an issue in private schools?

Well rounded to me means lots of life experiences in all sorts of situations with all sorts of people. Not just experiences in a bubble of wealth and privilege. .

Guess it depends on your social circle. I know lots of parents who facilitate this kind of stuff for their kids.

My independent school specialised in creating an environment that fostered anxiety and eating disorders.
Yes, everyone got a lot of As and could play an instrument and speak more than one foreign language. But it came at a high cost.
I know all schools are different, but my children won't be going to any similar independent school. I want them to value themselves for all their wonderfulness, not for a grade in an exam.

To answer the question, re more 'well - rounded' children... they don't.
The only person I know who went to a private school, is not well rounded at all.
He is definitely arrogant, but that's not the same thing at all.
So, in my view it very much depends on the child, the parents, the school, etc, and not really much to do with private or state.
Of course, a child from a state school background, and definitely those who are poorer may not have some of the 'expensive' type of life experiences as the 'privately' educated person, but that in itself does not make them any less well-rounded. It really depends on what the school offers, and what else the family can do outside of school.

Honestly I’m thinking of transferring my two kids to private. Reasons - fed up with daily reports of disruptive and aggressive behaviour from kids the teacher clearly can’t control. Disrupts my sons’ learning, and whilst I have sympathy for the teachers I am not happy for these children to continue to impact negatively on the learning experiences of my kids. I’m fed up to back teeth with it.

Too many behavioural issues and threats of violence towards my sons in their current school. Of course you get bullying in private too, but I do not think it’s tolerated. A certain standard of behaviour is expected and reinforced.

Wider exposure to a range of experiences and activities, in a more personalised environment. More encouragement and support to participate.

Less exposure to troubled behaviours, peers who cause the school issues and halt learning for everyone else

Rather than criticising, what is stopping you becoming a politician so that they aren't quite so ghastly? You can't be bothered can you?

I couldn’t agree more, it’s the fetishising and constant hero worship of private school as the pot of gold I can’t get over. There are all sorts of kids at private school and plenty arse about in sport and hate it or refuse to take drama seriously, or don’t go near the music department after year 9 in exactly the same way as they do in any other school. Bizarre

No more than in state schools.