Aibu to wonder why private schools produce more "well rounded" children? Is it the school or the parents?

[Kenthighst]

I know all state schools produce well rounded children eg those kids that are academic, musical, sporty, confident, excel at drama & can try their hand at anything.

But private schools churn out well rounded kids so aibu to wonder if it is the actual school who produce these kids or is it parental input?

In my experience, in the real world, private schooling does not equal a more well rounded person at all. Not even close.

@jeaux90 I'm glad I'm not the only single parent who relies heavily on our independent school because I am a lone mum with no family support. Without the school I would have been fired long ago.
When I need to travel overnight for my job, the school steps in. When I needed surgery the school stepped in. When I am stuck on a closed motorway or a broken down train I call the school and they provide cover. As a single mum they are my safety net. Without them I could not keep my career.
Private school is not about snobbery or advantage for me. I can rely on them because there is no one else. I'm more grateful to them than I can say.
They also do a great job of teaching my ds. 🙂

Not in the ways the PP was saying ie unable to cook/do own washing etc. That's just to do with crap parenting and not preparing your child to be independent and isn't limited to private school kids.

If that's the only choice, its the parents - they chose to put their child in private and make the sacrifices to do so and the school helps achieve the goals the parents want, which is what you pay for and as the kids around like goal minded people they push to the top of those goals.

You start off with money. Money is magic. it lowers stress levels and there’s no overhearing of stress bills debt payday loans. No matter what sort of stress levels on the home it’s lowered when there’s food on the table and little for kids to worry about.

Then the fact that parents are nearly always married, I imagine in a divorce, private education is difficult to maintain. I don’t think there are any divorced couples in my son’s class at prep. So more stability.

then you have endless gym / pe - multiple times a week. House points, house captains, clear discipline and that’s the teamwork ethic sorted. Tick.

Ditto music and music appreciation. public speaking. Debate. Compulsory and rigorous. Peer pressure to participate. Confidence acquired. Tick.

Small classes and frequent parents nights (termly) then you have the fact that you get hauled up to school if you’re not bothering academically. plus more peer pressure to do well. It’s not cool to not bother.

So it’s not that they churn out well rounded people so much as the cohort starts off being lucky confident secure and supported.

I’ll be honest, I’d move house before I’d have to take my son out of private school but I am PAINFULLY aware that this is the standard of education that is closed to most children. However he is highly disadvantaged due to his SEN to in my eyes I am trying to shore
him up. He will not find adult life easy.

@Smoor I do see what you mean, but I think that bashing private schools (and full disclosure - my kids go to a private school!) shifts the blame away from the government's strategy of starving state schools. Children who go to state schools are being artificially disadvantaged, if you will, by having basic provision removed or at least chipped away at year after year.

Even within the state system, poorer children are disadvantaged compared to more economically advantaged ones, who will get the extra tutoring, the bedroom to themselves for doing their homework in peace, the parents who went to university who can help them do their homework, or own a piano etc. You shouldn't NEED all that to get decent outcomes - it should all come within the core state school offering.

Both.
Zero tolerance behaviour policies with parent contract to reinforce.
My DS automatically shakes hands, holds doors open, is polite in social situations. It is what we expect of him but has been robustly reinforced at school.
One thing I did notice was the willingness to support pupils. Simple things, DS left his shoes in the sports changing rooms ( half a mile from school) one of the sports teachers spotted him in trainers in his way through town, asked him where his shoes were and told him he would bring them back to school at lunchtime. It saved DS a detention for none uniform since he wasn’t a serial offender.
It’s the small things like this and direct email access to form tutors and other staff that make a big difference.
It’s easy to teach children kindness & respect by demonstrating it on a daily basis.
Bullying is a problem but on the whole pupils are confident to call out bullies on a peer to peer level thereby avoiding being labelled as a whistle blower.

Tiny class sizes, first class resources, longer school day.

Not surprising really. Money can buy a lot.

I think its the class sizes.

Public schools have a huge number per class - my DS has 32 in his class. You will find private schools have under 20 children to a class and have more 1-1 time.

There may also be stricter parenting when it comes to academics as there is a reputation to uphold.

Good post, @FaiIureToLunch, I think you put it really well.

It is really noticeable at my DC's state school that those children who take advantage of the extracurricular stuff (thereby becoming "better-rounded") are almost always those from the better-off (and usually white) families who are already advantaged.

No, that wasn't quite what I meant. Grammar schools would become less cut-throat, because there would be enough places to go around, and less driven by how much parents can pay for private tutoring coming up to the 11+, so places wouldn't be all snapped up by children with well off parents. But a LOT of the parents I know at my childrens' (selective) private school struggle with the fees, and would be ecstatic if they could access grammar schools. I do understand the logic of discontinuing them, but I believe it drove a deeper divide in between economic classes by giving oxygen to private education, that could be solved by bringing them back but in sufficient numbers (50/50).

And okay yes, you're quite right - indies wouldn't disappear overnight, because as you say, there will still be the parents of less competitive kids who would prefer a non-selective fee-paying environment. But they really are in the minority of private school children, I think. At least where I live.

Well rounded?! Are you having a fecking laff!

Being 'confident and polished' does not make you well rounded - jeez

Not necessarily. I went to a private selective school in East London. However my brothers and the local kids I played with were state school educated. I therefore mixed with both private and state school kids and lived in a roughish area. Oh and my family weren't rich I had a scholarship. They couldn't have afforded the fees. I'm the daughter of a postman and shop worker

I attended a state school in an affluent area. My parents were well-off but do not believe in private schools. I was bullied so horrendously throughout my years at the school. The teachers did absolutely f' all, I was miserable and I truanted from my lessons to avoid the bullying. Nobody cared at all, I didn't achieve my predicted grades and I have struggled throughout my life with self confidence. If I ever decide to become a parent, I will be sending them to private schools.

Private school kids have a sunny disposition?! Since when?

As usual, a thread brimming with stereotypes.

I think it is probably a certain kind of parenting that leads to ‘polish’. Although private schools do often make kids feel that they can achieve whatever they wish to do. This could be a bad or good thing.

I have friends from private and state schools, as do my kids. I honestly cannot tell the difference.

chucking your child in a private school long hours and letting school do everything doesn’t produce rounded kids, just ones used to institutions and regimes.

I've taught in state schools and private schools. Private day schools don't necessarily have longer hours than state schools. A state school is an institution and has regimes just as much as a private school. In fact arguably more so. State schools tend to be more regimented because they have to be. I'm not saying that behaviour is always amazing at private schools, but it's much easier to just kick a student out of a private school if they don't toe the line.

I went to a private school back when the government still paid money to allow ‘disadvantaged’ children to attend. There were rich people there, but there were also many, many children from averagely well-off families and some from families who clearly had less money (mine included).

No-one was dysfunctional 🙄 We could all cook, sew, do woodwork, IT, do car maintenance, etc etc, and yes, I do think it turned out well-rounded, confident children. That was to do with the quality of teaching and the wide curriculum. It was a caring environment where the staff gave up their time to provide clubs, both at lunch time and after school. It also looked after children in family emergencies, and was a nice community that made students feel safe and valued.

Lol. Some of the most fucked up, miserable people I've ever met went to private schools.

The idea that they all have a "sunny disposition" is laughable. I first encountered privately educated people en masse when I was at university. I was really taken aback by the number of people with eating disorders, self-harm habits, drug problems etc. I hadn't really mixed with people like that at my state comp.

I'm afraid private schools are not immune to bullying, and many may have less good pastoral care than many state schools.

What an ignorant generalisation.

Yep, and totally inaccurate too.

They haven’t met my teenage daughter ;-)

This thread has made me realise that we did private school ‘wrong’. My husband doesn’t cycle. I eat lots of processed food, don’t exercise and enjoy evenings watching trash on Netflix. And both our private school progeny, while being kind, funny and down to earth types, don’t play music at a high level or attend debating societies and have the sporting aptitude of a Cadbury’s creme egg.