Aibu to wonder why private schools produce more "well rounded" children? Is it the school or the parents?

[Kenthighst]

I know all state schools produce well rounded children eg those kids that are academic, musical, sporty, confident, excel at drama & can try their hand at anything.

But private schools churn out well rounded kids so aibu to wonder if it is the actual school who produce these kids or is it parental input?

I went to a well-known private school in the mid 90s.
Kids of celebs, many people who have gone on to be famous etc, etc. Drugs were used by many in sixth form, some people used harder drugs - but mostly regular coccaine use. Many, many girls had eating disorders, bullying was awful, teachers had flings with older pupils. I’m sure it’s different in different place, but I went to school with some absolute lunatics, so this thread made me laugh!! Although to be fair I would say I’m quite emotionally intelligent and confident…….. could have been the school, could have been my DNA! 🤣

grammar schools! If they were reintroduced at scale - so as many grammar places as comprehensive

Why can't people comprehend that this isn't possible? If half of children are selected on the basis of an entrance exam (which absolutely does not equate to academic ability) to go to grammar schools, the other schools are not comprehensives: they are secondary moderns. If you ever campaign for more grammar schools, you must also campaign for more secondary moderns.

Why would they because all the places would be taken by the current private school attendants, are children that attend private school more intelligent then. What about the children who go to private schools that you describe as not selective, are you really suggesting they'd be competition for bright state school children?

DC’s indie is big on instilling resilience, there’s lots of public speaking and acting/drama from early years on, there is LOTS of sport, which no one is allowed to be excused from, teamwork, presentations etc.

They are also still only a winner if they come 1/2/3 in sports day, and the sports are still competitive. You don’t get medals just for taking part and everyone isn’t a winner.

If they were reintroduced at scale - so as many grammar places as comprehensive - private schools would evaporate overnight

Also not true. Many private schools depend on pupils who would not pass the 11+, even with private tuition, but whose parents want them to have the advantages that private education buys.

It's always the parents. If you've got bad parents, whether you are privately or state educated, you're going to struggle - though that doesn't mean you can't come through of course. If you have good parents, private schooling - in the right school, not just any old money-making machine! - may give a marginal advantage.

Really do posters know any privately educated children? Self important? Maybe a few. Homogeneous? No more than your average state school - though I actually would dispute this as likely higher proportion of children from other countries (this has been our experience whether London or well outside in a deprived area) and higher tolerance of individuality among peers.
And @PremiumRaa definitely longer hours! 8.20 to 4.30 in my DDs last school - this does not include after school activities. Also longer breaks for sure.
I think OP it's a combination of both. While there are vast differences in private schools, generally speaking they expect a certain level of attainment and behaviour.
I think privately educated children are expected, by the school and their parents, to succeed to at least a certain level. They are taught how to work hard. Those exam results aren't just handed out. There may be more activities available but that doesn't always mean they all participate. Most are at pains to acknowledge the privilege of attending and therefore not 'waste' the opportunity.
My DD said it herself; she said she had no excuse to do poorly in her exams. She was bright, she had a great education, she had support and encouragement. She also worked bloody hard. She was challenged to her max. No wonder she came out feeling more confident in her abilities having achieved top marks. And those that don't, as no matter how hard a person may work they may never get top marks, I believe the atmosphere does foster the idea that everyone is worthwhile of their place in society, be that as a top flight lawyer or teacher or whatever. It is something every child should feel, and if a child doesn't, why not? Are they supported and encouraged at home? Is education held highly? Are they expected to do well and help sought (from the school, I don't mean tutoring) if struggling? Are they introduced to experiences beyond their immediate environment? Many museums are free, for example. When on holiday is it seen as an opportunity to discover a new culture or just lay out on the beach? And I don't know many people at state school who have not travelled - even within their own country there are plenty of opportunities to find out more about history for example, just by walking around.
The kids I know who went to state school seem on par with those I know from private, a big part of this is because their families all share the same values.
By the way never met a privately educated family who own a yacht! I'm sure they are out there though. Most have fairly ordinary houses in ordinary neighbourhoods. We live in a three bed terrace.

It's astonishing the difference that a better-off household can make to a child even at state school. I was the only student in my A level French class who had never been to France, for example - all the others had been several times, mostly on the school French exchange and had therefore enjoyed a lot of conversation practice (home and away).

We didn't even have enough room for me not to have to share with a brother and we didn't have a bathroom.

Well rounded? Is that a joke?

It depends on what you mean by "well-rounded", doesn't it? My 21yo is in third year at Oxford having attended a local comp and sixth form college. His Oxford college is about 80% private school kids. DS has been incredulous at how young the private school kids seem, how incompetent they are at managing money, regulating their drinking, cooking and shopping...many of them have never done their own laundry! They may play the flute/fence/have played Hamlet at the age of 12, but I'm not sure they're generally more well-rounded than state school kids.

@sprigatito spot on.

@Kenthighst I have never seen an overweight child at the local privates!!

I wonder about this too, I can only presume its due to the middle class upbringing rather than the schooling as I know statistically weight issues are greater among poorer areas. I live in a 'good' area where many children go private and the local state schools are also very good. Its mostly professionals on good salaries, but not a very wealthy area either, no old money as such. Everyone is slim. This annoys me sometimes for entirely selfish reasons! I'm overweight and sometimes I look around and wonder why in a so called 'obesity crisis' am I always the fattest woman in my size 14 clothes.

One thing I've always noticed in private educated friends and their children is a competitive streak and high energy. The parents are ambitious and hardworking who prioritise health and fitness and offer every opportunity to their children. If he isn't good at soccer, try tennis, try karate etc until something sticks. They don't eat takeaways or much processed foods or drink much. The parents often seem to pursue additional qualifications as adults and have a 'can do' attitude. The men all run or cycle. The women often are a bit less fit but look after themselves. I think this rubs off on the children and they grow up feeling they can do what they want with their lives, they want to win and know they need to work hard for it.

Probably boarding school kids rather than generally private school kids. Not every private school is a Boarding School and, with a few notable exceptions, most kids at a boarding school will be day pupils.

I think it's unlikely they're all boarding school kids tbh. Private school kids do tend to be more sheltered and pampered, and it shows.

Bugger - I've been outed 🤣

In short; the kids who used the facilities were perceived to be social outcasts and ostracised.
If others didn't follow the party line they would also receive the same.

Being part of clubs etc runs the risk of photos being taken or awards being given in school- which result in said photos being scathingly shared on social media or sneaky pictures taken in school to ridicule.

In short, I believe that the size of the school (1500 plus) afforded just enough anonymity whereby the majority didn't feel that they were accountable for their behaviour.

It's one of the top 10 schools in Scotland yet has a piss-poor offering of extra-curriculars/chances to build a school community because the student cohort are so hell-bent on undermining each other for cheap kicks.

Evidence for "Private school kids do tend to be more sheltered and pampered, and it shows" please. Actually evidence, not just 1 or 2 through anecdotal stories?

It's a discussion forum, not a police interview. Your fragility is showing.

Hilarity not fragility. Laughable that you can label 1000s of kids with those characteristics. Same as saying state school kids do tend to be more violent and demonstrate more anti social behaviour.
Both are untrue and ridiculous. You can't base the behavioural characteristics of 1 or 2 people on a whole section of society.

I went to a top boarding school, out of my combined year group of 100 people ( more or less if you count up every person that every arrived our year or left / expelled) there have been no less then 3 suicides ( I left school 14 years ago)

in the year below me, similar size; there has already been a suicide and two in the year below that. Year above just had a recent suicide.

These figures do not in any way fit the national average, it’s absolutely shocking. Oh, and one of the suicides in our year was announced as ‘an accident’ - the mode of death could only have been suicide. All others confirmed as suicides… but not ‘advertised as such’ ie, “we are sad ti announce ‘X’ suddenly died” is written in the paper

Surely this can’t just be our school, I think there is a silent curse on boarding schools that are ‘covered up’ and only the huge successes announced ( of course there are many as the stakes are so staked up in favour).

manybe it’s anecdotal but it’s shocking. Oh, and the other years above two drugs deaths and two other suicide I know about. Add those up and consider the relatively small year group and the fact we graduated between 12-18 years ago ( so still Young) it’s shocking amount of deaths. I am only counting ‘deaths’ from people immediately known at school. Also, I wonder how many there were in times pre social media, as now we can be ‘informed’ .. would not be surprised if there is a silent but serious amount especially among private boarding schools

I meet a lot of privately educated young people and I am not sure I would describe them as better-rounded than anybody else. Yes, there is often confidence/charm, but this can sometimes be superficial and not as persuasive as the young person thinks it is! I think young people who have been state-educated, especially those who have been to schools with a social mix, tend to be more self-aware and certainly have a better grasp of what is going on beyond the middle-class bubble.

You're reinforcing my point. It is absolutely an artificial leg up in the current education system.

@twistyizzy Of course private school children are more sheltered and pampered - that is the very definition of going to private school.

Smaller class size. Very little bad behaviour so teachers actually spend time teaching. Teachers with a graduate specialism in the subject they teach. Teachers with very good social skills. Debate clubs. Riding. Fencing. Rowing. Just all round top class sport facilities. Mandarin and Latin taught to A Level alongside traditional MFL. Amazing school trips that are often overseas in places like Argentina or Iceland. Extremely good networking opportunities. Exam results that are much better than Kent grammar school system.

But that's just my experience of private school.

ps, many many drug problems too amongst year group, thanks to negligent ( but in a posh way) parenting and abundant funds

what private school does do is seem to up confidence - add this to huge amounts of money and connections and you will see why people present as exceptionally ‘well rounded’ - at least on a superficial level