Aibu to wonder why private schools produce more "well rounded" children? Is it the school or the parents?

[Kenthighst]

I know all state schools produce well rounded children eg those kids that are academic, musical, sporty, confident, excel at drama & can try their hand at anything.

But private schools churn out well rounded kids so aibu to wonder if it is the actual school who produce these kids or is it parental input?

So private schools in Ireland spend roughly the same per head as state schools in Ireland?

Because in the UK private schools charge fees high enough to ensure there are twice as many teachers per pupil than in state schools. Which is going to make a difference surely?

Narrow view. My kid’s independent school is diverse, kids don’t all sound the same, we the parents are working class, my child isn’t over confident but benefits from the extra attention and smaller class sizes, and he mixes with a mix of people in school and out. These kids are not all mini Borises you know. This view annoys me!

I worked for a DV charity in the UK, providing education in secondary schools on healthy relationships behaviours, rights and support in response to the staggering rise of sexual and technological violence. Almost all of the private schools I approached took a less proactive view, felt that the issue wasn’t prevalent in their school and this type of education would not be supported by the parents. Despite my experience gained After years of working in sexual and domestic violence services they were less inclined to accept my advice that these type of social issues do not discriminate between economic or social statuses.

the reluctance to hear and respond was quite alarming.

this was around ten years ago, I hope sincerely attitudes have changed for the sake of the kids under their care.

I never once stated state school kids were overweight!!!!

I said I was yet to see an overweight private school kid!

So private schools in Ireland spend roughly the same per head as state schools in Ireland?

No, not sure why you think this?

The reason private school fees are cheaper in Ireland is because the State pays for teachers' salaries. So, unlike the UK, these schools have hybrid funding with both State and parents contributing.

I find the idea that private schools produce more well rounded children than state schools very naive. Well rounded children come from well rounded parents. You don't need extra cash to have good values and nurture your children. You find little shits and absolute gems everywhere.
I think you are talking about veneer, which is useful to have but doesn't make a person well rounded.

I'm overweight - all 4 of my dc went/go private!

One of my sil's went to St Paul's as did dd2's best friend (male). There are a few years between them but both are very comfortable in any environment. We are very working class, on benefits, from Liverpool and neither of them looked down on us and just fitted in. They are both amazingly intelligent with starred firsts from Cambridge. At St Paul's they did step maths for fun!
They also have well rounded parents which helps.

That saddens me. Everyone is different, every school is different so a blanket state kid over private kid makes no sense. Ds went to private school on a full bursary, it had excellent resources and teachers but he was expected to put the work in. He came top in his first year at university on his course (aero engineering) and received £250 and a certificate. Will future employers just look at where he went to school and dismiss him out of hand?

My dc went/ go private and are all confident well rounded individuals. We are on benefits and at their state primary my youngest two were entitled to fsm (fsm don't apply at private school so during covid I had to get local councillors involved to approve vouchers for them based on our very low income)
Unfortunately we were crammed into a 3 bed house so eldest two shared a room and dd3 was in our room. We have a leaking roof, the upstairs toilet was out of use for about a year until I could afford to have it replaced. Some weeks we struggle with food though we are very good at making nutritious food on a budget We have been to food banks a couple of times. Ds has to work during his university holidays so he can help with his extra food costs.
My private school educated were certainly not insulated by wealth!

Education gives you more choices - it’s then up to the individual. A very ordinary job, whatever that maybe, doesn’t necessarily equate to a waste of fees or their education, be it private or state .

I think pp was referring to the kids at private school not the parents, because of the level of activities they do.
Having said that, I do know of a couple of overweight children at private schools. It’s not the exercise that makes you slim, necessarily, it’s the diet. A whole other thread

Why are you telling the poster why she was bullied and dismissing what she said 🤔? If her family were wealthy but were "ideologically opposed" to private school then that absolutely puts her at risk of bullying. There was one boy at my school with a really posh accent and mannerisms who sadly got absolutely bullied tf out of because of it.
Not condoning bullying at all btw but don't throw your kids in the deep end just because of your ideology

A lot of it is due to parental influence.

Most private school parents are successful and well educated, so this influences their children.

My children attend state schools. However they are very well rounded, as they are conscientious, well mannered and work hard. They will leave state school with top grades. Their teachers are great but they've also had a lot of support from their mum.

DH went to a top boarding school ( no, not Eton) and is a brilliant mathematician. Utterly un-musical, can't dance for toffee, runs but poorly coordinated. Not remotely an all rounder. Nor were the private school kids I met at uni.

I was lucky (and bright) enough to get a scholarship to a private school, and whilst I didn’t pursue a degree, have been able to work myself up to a high-paying and highly respected role in my field of work.

In answer to the OP’s question, IMO, it all comes from parental expectation.
That is (in no particular order):

1. Behavioural
2. Obedience
3. Table manners
4. Neatness
5. Politeness
6. Conversation skills
7. Debate, not argument
8. Reading to, then by self
9. Organised Sports
10. Self-Awareness from a young age

Parents who consciously instil this into their children are likely to desire private education for them; and normally because it is what they strived for themselves. Sadly, many parents don’t have the money, time, skills or knowledge to recognise and work with their children to achieve the “well-roundedness” that the OP refers to.

You might be but are your kids?! I doubt it given the amount of time private schools allocate to sports!

Ok wonderful you are the exception to the rule. Well done 👍

One of my sil's went to a top day school, is a brilliant mathematician (Trinity), grade 8 in piano (probably has other musical skills), has represented England as part of a dance team and is a black belt in a martial art. He's not particularly sporty though!
I think parents need a greater input if dc go to a state school but it's perfectly possible and indeed many well rounded people leave state school every year. Dd3 has a friend who is sporty (athletics), musical and very academic. She went to a state school albeit not our local needs improvement one and is now studying medicine at Cambridge. Her parents are very committed.

May I ask how you could afford to send them to private school? Did they get scholarships?
Just curious because as far as I'm aware private school is far from cheap

When private school kids go on to do a very ordinary job that didn't require private schooling, (as i have seen alot), it must seem a waste of fees

sorry, but what jobs exactly require a private school education?!

Not RTFT, just skimmed, but:

'well rounded' isn't the same as being an all-rounder, though.

'Great all-rounders' are kids who are a bit better than average at quite a few things.

Well-roundedness as a personal characteristic sits more in the area of soft-skills, self-awareness and social aptitude, being able to handle yourself in a range of contexts, with a variety of people from backgrounds different to your own, and having an element of savvy and good sense.

The private school sixth formers who come to do work experience at our 'rough' inner city primary school don't know where to put themselves. We very much appreciate them, but most of our home-grown 11 year olds seem to have more about them and a greater curiosity and capacity for engaging meaningfully with new people and situations.

Maybe jobs where people know how to spell ‘a lot’

Yes full bursaries

Class sizes are far smaller so, as a pp said, teachers are able to get to know each child and build a mutually respectful relationship. State school pupils have a more 'them and us' mentality towards their teaching staff as it's more about crowd control.