Confused on his justification of “holiday”

[morebiscuitslessdrama]

I have been hesitating on writing this thread given the petty content really.

my boyfriend or shall I say fiancé and I have been together coming up ten years. We have two children together who are 2 years and 3 months old and up until now I have just been brushing this under the carpet for an easier life frankly. I’m just now so used to being told I should be grateful, but everyone else’s other half does much less than him and I just need to get on with it.

I am the housekeeper, nurturer, childcare, appointment booker, and chef which is fairly common for women to be. I do also work and teach at FE / HE level so fairly lengthy hours and lots of decisions and marking! He works developing housing estates and building is the main provider but like to tell me apparently his job is more stressful than all of the above.

We both decided to have children and here I am sat with them both after another week of him deciding to book a weeks holiday snowboarding because he needs a break. So he has gone and not thought about the fact I’ve got two young children alone and little to no help and basically has spoken to me once a day. Cue generic I’m so tired from the slopes off to bed night….

Best yet is I said I’m having a hard time and his response was “now you see how much I do for you”.

I have started to think I don’t see much light in the future of this and especially not a wedding given the amount of time I have spent unhappy.

like AIBU one for asking for him to not leave me for a week whilst our children are so young so he can holiday? And two for asking for him to contact me more regularly as I’m finding it hard being with the children constantly?

I wish I could say I was surprised. I am absolutely not having a go at you and obviously you have been massively contributing to the family by way of child care / general ‘wife work’. It’s just that men like this arrange things so that if the mothers of their children leave, they walk away without a penny of the assets their support has helped their partner build up.

The house must be registered with the land registry and there would have been nothing stopping him putting you on as a co-owner even without a mortgage. Was there no discussion at the time?

On the deeds is old fashioned way of saying who is legal owner at land registry. It sounds like house is solely in his name so you are just staying there as his guest…less legal rights than a lodger.

CAB has a very useful guide to cohabitation v marriage.

These threads are so depressing, why did you have another child with him, I'm assuming he was just as useless with the first and probably before you had children as well. Tell him to shape up or ship out, and mean it. This is a really messed up situation you're in, he's a joke

Oh god, it’s such a LONELY time, I can remember it so well. My (still) husband was a workaholic and sailed one night a week, that was hard enough. But he, god love him, tried really hard not to be the misogynistic arse he, through his upbringing, was designed to be.

we have been together 25 years, and have muddled through. As someone else has said earlier, I’ve presented how it’s going to be. I take the kids swimming, while you do the garden. You do that birthday party, I’m getting my hair done. Up with kids, every second night. He’s a good man, and now it’s more or less natural to him.

i wouldn’t be ltb quite yet. Get yourself in a better financial position, get married, get your career totally back on track, put money away (hide it, sorry, gross and deceitful, but hey ho). Have a plan. Give it five years. Be clever. Get yourself back, don’t go for for tat, do what you are comfortable with, but make sure you don’t miss out on living your best life. Get some Paid help in if you need it

sounds to me, he’s not going to change, but seriously, don’t leave yourself is a fucked up financial mess while he lives the dream. At least get a house out of it, for your babies.

and finally, I’m sorry. It sounds bloody hard. You can only change you. Not him. Make the situation work for you.