Page 6 | Husband coming home late after drinks on daughter's birthday

Battyfumworts · 29/02/2024 13:31

greenfiss · 28/02/2024 22:44

I'd be suspicious of him claiming he was boozing with colleagues tbh.

Yep, dick move from a guy thinking with his dick.

No way would I buy missing his daughters birthday for drinks with colleagues.

Neetz001 · 29/02/2024 13:42

Catalyst divorce material.

puzzledout · 29/02/2024 13:49

@Battyfumworts he didn't miss his daughters birthday! Read the OPs second post!!

NothingVenturedAndAllThat · 29/02/2024 13:51

Reliably being present for one or two days a year (the other being Christmas) is bar-on-the-floor level bare minimum behaviour. I cannot imagine the ways this root selfishness will impact you and your daughter, but it's there and it's likely not going away.

Eventually he will probably apologise because he'll realise you're not going to shut up until he does. That doesn't mean he's sorry and it doesn't mean he's learned his lesson either. I'd be interested to know how old he is because this is giving undeveloped prefrontal cortex. And I don't mean 'Men take longer to mature, tolerate it until it gets better.' I mean in all probability his immaturity won't resolve until his late thirties and if he's already in his late thirties it never will. Are you really prepared to have to educate this man on basic human decency?

Toddler1 · 29/02/2024 13:56

P0mbears · 28/02/2024 21:17

It's our daughter's 5th birthday today. I picked her up from school earlier (left work early to do so) had cake at home with her and played with her new toys. DH was due to be home around 6.30/7 so should have seen her for bath and bed. He's just arrived home after having some drinks at a work lunch and falling asleep on the train... He won't accept that he should apologise for missing bedtime

He's a grown ass man with his own brain and not once did he consider communicating or making his daughter a priority. It's one thing if its plans that were made beforehand with the agreement that something else is planned for her birthday but this was a low blow. Goodluck

WhiteVelvet · 29/02/2024 13:58

She is having a birthday party at the weekend.

FearMe · 29/02/2024 14:07

Your second post completely changed the story. He left in time, he fell asleep. Maybe he should apologise for accidentally nodding off, but he was there this morning and will be there for the party. No big deal in my opinion.

puzzledout · 29/02/2024 14:33

NothingVenturedAndAllThat · 29/02/2024 13:51

Reliably being present for one or two days a year (the other being Christmas) is bar-on-the-floor level bare minimum behaviour. I cannot imagine the ways this root selfishness will impact you and your daughter, but it's there and it's likely not going away.

Eventually he will probably apologise because he'll realise you're not going to shut up until he does. That doesn't mean he's sorry and it doesn't mean he's learned his lesson either. I'd be interested to know how old he is because this is giving undeveloped prefrontal cortex. And I don't mean 'Men take longer to mature, tolerate it until it gets better.' I mean in all probability his immaturity won't resolve until his late thirties and if he's already in his late thirties it never will. Are you really prepared to have to educate this man on basic human decency?

Are you prepared to read the second post the OP has made?

LimeAnkles · 29/02/2024 14:47

You married a dickhead

anothermnuser123 · 29/02/2024 14:50

He honestly sounds a bit useless, you both work yet you made all the plans and did everything and he couldnt even refrain from drinking so much he managed to fall asleep on the train? That would be concerning, who drinks that much at work! I am in a role that very much involves taking clients out regularly and I never feel the need to get drunk doing so.

He chose how much he drunk, he fell asleep on the train and then couldnt even apologise, it all sounds a bit minimal effort from him and he cant even do the bare minimum (which just involved getting home on time!). I would be more than a little disappointed.

Heidi75 · 29/02/2024 15:25

Mumof2teens79 · 28/02/2024 22:04

You had cake without him?

Did you talk about it before and set the expectation that he should be home early/on time today?
Are drinks afterword his normal routine?

You think it necessary to have to tell a full grown adult he needs to prioritise his 5 year old daughter! That is something he should know and want to do - if he can't then he's a total arsehole!

Heidi75 · 29/02/2024 15:27

P0mbears · 29/02/2024 06:55

Wow, thank you for all your replies. Really appreciate it.

To clarify a few things....

We did presents all together in the morning and DH and I both went into work a bit late and kids missed school breakfast club/went to nursery a bit late. DD had a lovely morning, nice breakfast together, balloons, decorations etc

The plan was always for me to have a little cake with the kids after school and we're having a family party at the weekend (obviously I'm the one who has bought all the food, making the cake, party games etc) and DH will be there for this and DD is excited.

DH had a lunchtime work meeting which involved wine.This is very usual within his line of work. The commute is quite long so he left at 5ish to be home by bedtime. He messaged to let me know he was on the train due to be home for 7ish. At this point I let DD know that DH would be home to read one of her new stories. I checked where he was at 7.30 and it turned out he'd missed his stop (and a few more) so had to get a taxi home meaning he was home much later.

I understand that these things do happen, I would probably be sleepy after afternoon wine. I was just annoyed that he refused to apologise.

No one forced the wine down his throat, he could of just had the one.

user1471600850 · 29/02/2024 15:30

He should apologise for being late but for the rest you are all being so OTT! he was there in the morning, he is there for the party - she is 5 - she won't even remember this in years to come and before you all say she is 5 not 1 can you remember any birthdays when you were 5.

Strugglingtodomybest · 29/02/2024 15:50

Am I right in thinking OP, that it's just the lack of apology that has upset you?

In which case, my advice is to let it go. You think he should apologise, he doesn't think he should. Can you just agree to disagree? Everyone is allowed their own opinion and all that? Does he feel like he's got nothing to apologise for as it was an accident?

Trulyme · 29/02/2024 16:23

user1471600850 · 29/02/2024 15:30

He should apologise for being late but for the rest you are all being so OTT! he was there in the morning, he is there for the party - she is 5 - she won't even remember this in years to come and before you all say she is 5 not 1 can you remember any birthdays when you were 5.

I find it so sad how many women find it acceptable that a father can get so pissed during the day that he misses several stops and doesn’t make it back in time to put his child to bed as promised.

Its ok because “he was there in the morning”.

OP was there in the morning too but she also didn’t get so drunk that she couldn’t get back to her child in time.

I guess like with many women she is assumed to be the default parent.

As a parent myself, I have never got so drunk during the day that I have not got back in time to take care of my child as planned.

Daisy12Maisie · 29/02/2024 16:55

I'm a shift worker so miss a lot of christmases, which is sad but can't be helped. I book the children's birthdays off as annual leave a year in advance to make sure I am at least there for that. Missing birthdays or Christmas for the hell of it not because you are forced to is really selfish.

Strugglingtodomybest · 29/02/2024 17:37

@Trulyme

I find it so sad how many women find it acceptable that a father can get so pissed during the day that he misses several stops and doesn’t make it back in time to put his child to bed as promised.

But he didn't get pissed did he? He had some wine with lunch and went back to work in the afternoon. I doubt he's have lasted long at work if he was pissed.

All he did was fall asleep and miss his stop. He obviously had every intention of being home on time, as he left work early and he texted to say he was on his way.

I can't believe (well, I can!) that people are telling the OP to divorce over this.

MummySam2017 · 29/02/2024 17:45

Strugglingtodomybest · 29/02/2024 17:37

@Trulyme

I find it so sad how many women find it acceptable that a father can get so pissed during the day that he misses several stops and doesn’t make it back in time to put his child to bed as promised.

But he didn't get pissed did he? He had some wine with lunch and went back to work in the afternoon. I doubt he's have lasted long at work if he was pissed.

All he did was fall asleep and miss his stop. He obviously had every intention of being home on time, as he left work early and he texted to say he was on his way.

I can't believe (well, I can!) that people are telling the OP to divorce over this.

It’s wild isn’t it?! I bet both OP and DH have made up, are snuggled together on the couch, laughing at people losing their minds and encouraging separation.

Trulyme · 29/02/2024 18:23

Strugglingtodomybest · 29/02/2024 17:37

@Trulyme

I find it so sad how many women find it acceptable that a father can get so pissed during the day that he misses several stops and doesn’t make it back in time to put his child to bed as promised.

But he didn't get pissed did he? He had some wine with lunch and went back to work in the afternoon. I doubt he's have lasted long at work if he was pissed.

All he did was fall asleep and miss his stop. He obviously had every intention of being home on time, as he left work early and he texted to say he was on his way.

I can't believe (well, I can!) that people are telling the OP to divorce over this.

I think you need to raise you bar.

Its absolutely not normal to miss several stops because you’re tired from drinking at lunchtime.

As a parent needing to look after my child I have never done this.

If you are a parent and you need to be home by X time to look after your child, then you make sure you are.

Thank Goodness OP didn’t decide to go and have a bottle of wine and fall asleep somewhere too.

The poor man can’t possibly be expected to see his child in the morning AND in the evening. He can’t possibly not drink so much he falls asleep and misses several stops.

Perhaps in your home you are the default parent and it’s absolutely fine for your DH to not parent his children but that is not something that should be seen as the norm.

EthicalBlend · 29/02/2024 18:40

A fifth birthday means something. It's important. But apparently not to him. If it was me, I would literally never forgive him. I'm a man. That behaviour is outrageous.

puzzledout · 29/02/2024 18:41

EthicalBlend · 29/02/2024 18:40

A fifth birthday means something. It's important. But apparently not to him. If it was me, I would literally never forgive him. I'm a man. That behaviour is outrageous.

Did you read the second post?

LindaHamilton · 29/02/2024 22:09

EthicalBlend · 29/02/2024 18:40

A fifth birthday means something. It's important. But apparently not to him. If it was me, I would literally never forgive him. I'm a man. That behaviour is outrageous.

I don't know why your gender is relevant. Shitty behaviour can be seen, it doesn't take gender to recognise it.

Happinessandlove · 29/02/2024 23:21

This kind of sniping at another poster is not good