Husband coming home late after drinks on daughter's birthday

[P0mbears]

It's our daughter's 5th birthday today. I picked her up from school earlier (left work early to do so) had cake at home with her and played with her new toys. DH was due to be home around 6.30/7 so should have seen her for bath and bed. He's just arrived home after having some drinks at a work lunch and falling asleep on the train... He won't accept that he should apologise for missing bedtime

I love how, yet again, it's women's fault that men behave badly.

Do you honestly believe that if women didn't excuse their behaviour, they'd behave better?

Yeah OP, you and your daughter shouldn’t have eaten the cake until the big boss man came home. Shame on you!

Well, yes. Because if nobody accepted their behaviour, then nobody would procreate with them and they would have no choice but to improve.

I agree!
he should apologise. but it’s really not as bad as the original post seemed to have implied / sounded like.

Do you really believe they would improve? What about all the incels out there? No one is procreating with them, but they haven't improved. They just get more and more bitter from what I've read.

I just find it incredibly sexist that instead of blaming the men for their shitty behaviour, you've turned it back on the women.

My mil married a shitty man and procreated with him. Why? Because she was abused by her parents growing up and so she knew no different. But yeah, it's her own fault and she let down the rest of womankind on top of it all.

Of course he should apologise! Bloody pathetic to drink so much at a lunch meeting that he falls asleep on the train, instead of having a glass or two and then sticking to water. Not so much of an issue (still ridiculous) if it wasn't his young child's birthday!

Your 2nd post puts a slightly different slant on it.
He did intend to be there but fell asleep.
Maybe he could have drunk less at lunchtime?
Also where can I get a job that involves having to drink wine at lunchtime? I'd be sacked if I did.

Also yes he should have apologised

To be fair he didn’t even miss the cake bit as the update suggests he was never going to be there for that bit anyway. He was only supposed to be back for the bedtime story.

My DD would be so upset if my DH did that to her.

I know my DH would rather walk on hot coals to make it home for my children, birthday or no birthday.

The commute is quite long so he left at 5ish to be home by bedtime. He messaged to let me know he was on the train due to be home for 7ish. At this point I let DD know that DH would be home to read one of her new stories. I checked where he was at 7.30 and it turned out he'd missed his stop (and a few more) so had to get a taxi home meaning he was home much later.

This all sounds very convoluted and unlikely.

I doubt he left at 5ish.

The plan was always for me to have a little cake with the kids after school and we're having a family party at the weekend (obviously I'm the one who has bought all the food, making the cake, party games etc) and DH will be there for this and DD is excited.

What is he even good for? Why is it all on your shoulders when you both work?

How many times has he had drinks at lunch time, fallen asleep on the train & missed his stop? Perhaps he needs to address his drinking along with his parental failing & inability to say sorry.

I checked where he was at 7.30 and it turned out he'd missed his stop (and a few more) so had to get a taxi home meaning he was home much later.

Well that’s obviously BS isn’t it.

Poor kid.

He can literally go out and be late home on any other day.
Its very low of him to do it on his child’s birthday.

Is this really how low we should be setting the bar for fathers?

It's his childs birthday! He should not need to be asked/told.

So basically work drinks mattered more to him than his daughter’s birthday? Nice.

yes he should apologise to you & especially to DD for missing her birthday. He needs to make it up to her.

the fact he didn’t even seem to want to get home to see her is sad…sorry OP but he’s a prick

Of course he should apologise. Why on earth does he think he shouldn't?

I think you need to read the second post by the OP, this seems unreasonably harsh.

Hmmm...

He already went into work late so as to have extra time in the morning to celebrate their DD’s birthday.

Is the expectation you have of him that he should have also left work early to celebrate his DD’s birthday again cos cake was being cut?

The guy has a 2hr ish commute each way from work. If he is his own boss or worked from home maybe he could have wangled it, but I suspect he has a boss or bosses to answer to who probably wouldn’t have been ok with being late in and early to leave on the same day.

I wouldn't want his apology because it would be meaningless. Your Daughter is not that important to him. You know what he is now, make your plans.

That’s quite a harsh conclusion to jump to, especially now OP has added a bit more context.

Yeah she did because he wasn't there...She probably also either made that cake herself or chose one from the shops her child would love and made sure they had candles/candle holders etc as well. Most dads would have rushed home to see their child on their birthday. Your bar is so so low it's in the sea.

What a selfish tosser!
Unforgivable.
He should have been home for cake and presents, not just bathtime.
She is 5...What a special age to share with her..

Presents were done in the morning and he went to work later, cake was always going to be done without him.

Read the OPs second post.