Page 3 | Husband coming home late after drinks on daughter's birthday

P0mbears · 2024-02-28T21:17:54+00:00

It's our daughter's 5th birthday today. I picked her up from school earlier (left work early to do so) had cake at home with her and played with her new toys. DH was due to be home around 6.30/7 so should have seen her for bath and bed. He's just arrived home after having some drinks at a work lunch and falling asleep on the train... He won't accept that he should apologise for missing bedtime

Maray1967 · 28/02/2024 23:28

Rocknrolla21 · 28/02/2024 22:26

100%
Mums check list-
party
birthday outfit
decorations
guests
gifts
wrapping paper
party food and drinks
cake
candles
games
a whole day of making her daughter feel special, on top of a million other things she might have done

Dads check list-
not get fucking rat arsed, lie about falling asleep on the train, and miss his daughters entire birthday. Except OH NO! Her mother DIDNT SET HIS EXPECTATIONS. It couldn’t possibly have been his fault!!! 🙄🙄🙄🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

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Well said.

If mine needed me to tell him to get home on time for our DSs’ birthdays I’ve had bollocked the living daylights out of him.

In OP’s case, I know just how much effort I’d be putting into his next birthday. None.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 28/02/2024 23:34

He was 2 hours late home and you never rang him to check where he was?

mrsdineen2 · 28/02/2024 23:34

Iwantamarshmallowman · 28/02/2024 23:14

i wouldn't buy this story to be honest. are u sure he didn't fall asleep in somone elses bed?

He's a complete shit and worthy of enough contempt as it is, no need to pull this out of nowhere.

2Rebecca · 28/02/2024 23:44

I find it weird the 2 of them didn't discuss the birthday plans in advance. Usually both parents are there for present opening and cake cutting. I'd be angry about not coming home for a small child's birthday but it wouldn't happen. He sounds like a loser but the communication and joint parenting also sounds poor

mrsdineen2 · 28/02/2024 23:48

2Rebecca · 28/02/2024 23:44

I find it weird the 2 of them didn't discuss the birthday plans in advance. Usually both parents are there for present opening and cake cutting. I'd be angry about not coming home for a small child's birthday but it wouldn't happen. He sounds like a loser but the communication and joint parenting also sounds poor

What's there to communicate for the day of the birthday if it's a casual celebration within the household? A small cake is added to the big shop beforehand, and we both know that we have to get home ASAP to celebrate.

Either of us would be insulted if the other felt a need to remind us.

LindaHamilton · 28/02/2024 23:51

vanillaclouds · 28/02/2024 21:24

My daughter would be utterly heartbroken and my dh could never ever do that to her.

at 5? Like I agree with the op but at 5 the daughter is highly unlikely to be scarred. It's somewhat ott to think a 5 year old would be heartbroken about a parent missing from their birthday party which. at that age, the present and good food be the big focus.

SlumberDearMaid · 29/02/2024 00:11

2Rebecca · 28/02/2024 23:44

I find it weird the 2 of them didn't discuss the birthday plans in advance. Usually both parents are there for present opening and cake cutting. I'd be angry about not coming home for a small child's birthday but it wouldn't happen. He sounds like a loser but the communication and joint parenting also sounds poor

They probably opened the presents in the morning, as soon as she woke up?

And then isn’t the expectation just there, that you’ll all be together again after school/work finishes to celebrate?

What sort of comms is needed?

changedagain67543 · 29/02/2024 00:31

Imagine if the roles were reversed. People would call social services on her.

DreamTheMoors · 29/02/2024 00:41

My dad was a farmer. If the fruit was coming off the trees, he couldn’t help but miss family events. He’d leave at 5am and arrive home at 11pm. That was before we woke up and after we were asleep.
But he’d always always wake us up and wish us happy birthday if he’d missed it.
I can honestly say that some dads get home late - but they aren’t out getting shitfaced.

mathanxiety · 29/02/2024 00:45

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 28/02/2024 23:34

He was 2 hours late home and you never rang him to check where he was?

There are men out there who would call that "nagging".

It looks to me very much from reading this thread that women can't win and men never lose.

Ghosttofu99 · 29/02/2024 01:13

Mumof2teens79 · 28/02/2024 22:04

You had cake without him?

Did you talk about it before and set the expectation that he should be home early/on time today?
Are drinks afterword his normal routine?

Presumably he knows what date his own DDs birthday is regardless of his usual routine 🙄

WhiteVelvet · 29/02/2024 01:42

He had work drinks at lunchtime but hasn’t arrived home until late into the evening on his daughter’s 5th birthday.

Huh?

Why is he home late though? He drank from lunchtime onwards all through to the evening? Or he went back to work after lunchtime drinks but arrived back home late into the evening?

Feels like there is a piece of the puzzle missing here.

Has he got a drink problem?

SlumberDearMaid · 29/02/2024 01:48

He drank from lunchtime onwards all through to the evening?

Sounds like that ^^ which is why he fell asleep on the train.

I suspect this is one of those threads where an OP posts about her shitty / sub-standard / dysfunctional husband/partner, to ask if she’s unreasonable to be annoyed by him….

And then everyone comes on to strongly agree with her, only for a). the OP never to appear again, as they suddenly realise how bad it actually is; or b). the OP comes back and is really defensive about their shitty husband, as if we’re somewhere being unfair to him.

WhiteVelvet · 29/02/2024 02:28

SlumberDearMaid · 29/02/2024 01:48

He drank from lunchtime onwards all through to the evening?

Sounds like that ^^ which is why he fell asleep on the train.

I suspect this is one of those threads where an OP posts about her shitty / sub-standard / dysfunctional husband/partner, to ask if she’s unreasonable to be annoyed by him….

And then everyone comes on to strongly agree with her, only for a). the OP never to appear again, as they suddenly realise how bad it actually is; or b). the OP comes back and is really defensive about their shitty husband, as if we’re somewhere being unfair to him.

Yeah falling asleep on the train doesn’t amount to him being late back, unless the OP means his lunchtime drinking made him drowsy on the train home and he missed his stop because he’d fallen asleep.

I’m not getting 1+1=2 on this...

Blueberry911 · 29/02/2024 02:42

Mumof2teens79 · 28/02/2024 22:37

No, but the OP says she finished work early, they had cake, OH wasn't due home till bath/bed time.
So that sounds very much like she chose and planned to have cake without him....meaning he was always going to miss a key part.
And she already has new toys so they either did presents this morning or he missed that too....because he was at work.
So there was no discussion or request for him to come home early. Did he even know there would be a celebration without him?

OP says he had a drink at "lunchtime" so then went back to work?...perfectly reasonable?
Then fell asleep on the train so guessing had to double back
I have missed my junction before and taken twice as long to get home.
Obviously I would apologise but it's not a case of not prioritising my family.

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Are you also a useless dad, or...?

SlumberDearMaid · 29/02/2024 02:48

WhiteVelvet · 29/02/2024 02:28

Yeah falling asleep on the train doesn’t amount to him being late back, unless the OP means his lunchtime drinking made him drowsy on the train home and he missed his stop because he’d fallen asleep.

I’m not getting 1+1=2 on this...

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Yes, he went drinking at lunch time, stayed out boozing, didn’t go back to the office, caught the train home and fell asleep.

We used to do it back in the day, on the odd Friday, when that sort of thing was more socially acceptable (so 20+ years ago, and obviously child-free). Edited to add: not the falling asleep on the train - but the going out for lunch, not returning to the office, and it turning into a bit of a night out.

I’m not getting ‘affair’, if that’s being implied - his behaviour is shoddy enough, without that being thrown into the mix….

WhiteVelvet · 29/02/2024 02:51

SlumberDearMaid · 29/02/2024 02:48

Yes, he went drinking at lunch time, stayed out boozing, didn’t go back to the office, caught the train home and fell asleep.

We used to do it back in the day, on the odd Friday, when that sort of thing was more socially acceptable (so 20+ years ago, and obviously child-free). Edited to add: not the falling asleep on the train - but the going out for lunch, not returning to the office, and it turning into a bit of a night out.

I’m not getting ‘affair’, if that’s being implied - his behaviour is shoddy enough, without that being thrown into the mix….

Edited

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I was wondering if there was a drink problem as mentioned in my earlier response, as drink appears to have been prioritised.

FedUpMumof10YO · 29/02/2024 03:28

If he wanted to, he would.

He didn't.

puzzledout · 29/02/2024 04:16

Mumof2teens79 · 28/02/2024 22:04

You had cake without him?

Did you talk about it before and set the expectation that he should be home early/on time today?
Are drinks afterword his normal routine?

What expectations did he set for his wife to be there?

Does he not have his own mind?

When should they have had the cake?

Why such low expectations?

puzzledout · 29/02/2024 04:21

Iwantamarshmallowman · 28/02/2024 23:14

i wouldn't buy this story to be honest. are u sure he didn't fall asleep in somone elses bed?

Why not?

What makes you say that?

He is shit but not everything points to an affair.

VoiceOfCommonSense · 29/02/2024 04:55

is it confirmed he was drunk? Seems like he went out at lunch and then back to work before going home and falling asleep on the train. Maybe he’s just tired from working long hours to support his family?

Zanatdy · 29/02/2024 05:00

Wow he’s so selfish. He shouldn’t have accepted an invite for work drinks on his daughters birthday in the first place, let alone staying for more and missing her bedtime. That’s really bang out of order

Autienotnaughtie · 29/02/2024 05:21

Yes it's a dick move. Ideally he should have finished earlier to have tea together. Kids remember stuff like that down the line.

learieonthewildmoor · 29/02/2024 05:35

My BIL organises his work calendar a year ahead so he can be there for his daughter’s bday. It’s important to him.

puzzledout · 29/02/2024 06:39

VoiceOfCommonSense · 29/02/2024 04:55

is it confirmed he was drunk? Seems like he went out at lunch and then back to work before going home and falling asleep on the train. Maybe he’s just tired from working long hours to support his family?

Maybe his daughter's birthday just isn't important to him?

Good job OP didn't do the same and fall asleep after working to support her family?

Otherwise no one would've up DD at all.