To ask for help with helping my daughter - first heartbreak :(

[tiredmama23]

My 17 year old daughter has had her heart well and truly broken by a guy she's been dating for only a few months. She was totally head over heels (we've all been there at that age I guess), and genuinely feels that her world has ended. It's been made so much worse by the fact he's the guy she lost her virginity to, so really she trusted him. Added to that, he dumped her over text 😫

She only found out yesterday and spent all evening crying, she refused anything to eat. She has come home early from college today still in tears, after calling my partner (her stepdad) from college to collect her while I was work because she "can't face being here". Since they got home a few hours ago she hasn't moved from her bed. I've been in to talk to her and she won't engage, just one word answers.

Things I've tried:

• hugs and general empathy
• telling her she will find someone lots better and he's just paved the way for that
• telling her she's beautiful and was too good for him anyway (I'm obviously biased as she's my daughter but she's a stunning young lady)
• telling her it hurts like hell now but it won't always and I promise it gets better
• telling her we can go for some food and the cinema this weekend just the two of us as a distraction and some TLC for her

However she continues to sob (and sob).

I don't know what else to do, I hate seeing my beautiful and usually bright and happy girl like this. What else can I do? 🙁

I know it was the daughters idea but the parents shouldnt have really entertained it. My husband would have told my daughter absolutely NO even if I didnt.

so why did you take it off then??????

Surely that's none of our business. Even if she did take a day off to be with her DD why on earth would it bother any of us?

This is all so dramatic. OPs main purpose seems to be her fight with posters and complaining about the mods. Bizarre behaviour.

Do we all have to do as you do? I think not.

No.....but this is the result of too much too soon

what must your colleagues think?

My colleagues don't give a fuck what I'm doing as arranged privately between my boss and I, because they're not nosy judgement cunts. Hope that helps.

@Ramalangadingdong

Thank you for your support on this thread and for confirming that I wasn't imagining that other deleted comment. I appreciate that 🩷

@tiredmama23 I just wanted to check in and send love, its really horrible to see them suffering isn't it.
I could have written your OP myself when my daughter was 17, very similar situation. You have clearly raised a girl who is secure and cherished enough to offer her heart to somebody, which is wonderful but sometimes it just doesn't work out, and heartbreak is a terrible feeling. My daughter is now 23 and several heartbreaks down the road but in a very happy and healthy place now.
She will be fine- because she knows she is cherished x

so why did you take it off then??????

Erm, because I wanted to??? Is that ok? Why aren't you at work?? Is it alright if we ask you that too?? 🤔🤔

Half a days annual leave well spent arguing with mumsnet. Flouncing and returning. 🤣

Thank you so much that's lovely. Posters like you are reason why I haven't stepped away from the thread completely and have chosen to filter out the helpful stuff. Thank you 🩷

lol you mean you only want to hear opinions you like 😂

It's actually TOIL that I'm owed, not annual leave, but thanks for your concern about how I choose to spend my time.

You clearly have fuck all better to do with your morning than berate an Internet stranger, it's a bit ironic isn't it calling me out on how I'm spending my time on my own thread. Why you here? 🤔

For me, it's been a fascinating insight to the sad, sad minds of utterly unpleasant people who get their kicks from kicking an Internet stranger when she's down.

I'd rather be known as a "drama llama" than an unpleasant toxic person. 🤷‍♀️

Ah bless her, I remember it well that first heartbreak. I was the same age when I had a boyfriend for a year and he dumped me by phone and everyone knew he was going to. Devastated wasn’t the word.

Despite all efforts my mum made I was miserable for a few weeks but eventually she will wake up and feel less sad. Let her have some time and just offer her food, drinks and nice cups of hot tea to coax her through it. Get her watching Bridget Jones Diary that will have her listening to Chaka Khan and “I’m every woman” before you know it.

Am just saying I lost my mum-and my dad as a teen so didn’t have a ‘template’. But in some ways, it meant that I could raise my kids how I thought best without anyone commenting or feeling I had to do it a particular way. Look at all the posts on here where posters are falling out with grandparents over child rearing. It also meant that I raised my kids to be independent if anything happened to me, I want them able to cope. So it’s not ideal, but horrible life experiences sometimes enable us to see things differently. Yes, your daughter is upset at the moment but she’s a lucky girl-she has a family who care about her and a mother who wants the best for her-and in an imperfect world, that’s something to be grateful for.

I got bored of Netflix.

I haven’t posted getting on for 200 posts about my teen daughters personal life, I’m just here to watch batshittery unfold.

And I was brought here by reading about it on another site. 🦇 💩

And I agree with a PP-don’t post on AIBU if you’re genuinely looking for advice or are in a fragile place.

Thank you, that's all very true.

I'm sorry for your loss too

I haven’t posted getting on for 200 posts about my teen daughters personal life, I’m just here to watch batshittery unfold.

Ah, ok.

So let me get this straight. I'm the odd person - the total "drama llama" - for posting about a parenting situation that I'm struggling to navigate and continuing to engage with my OWN thread, despite the horrible things that have been said, and for being prepared to defend myself against accusations of "twisting words", being "manipulative", being a "drama llama", and being "unhealthy for my daughter" and the reason she is heartbroken. I'm the odd person for being invested in a situation that relates to my own actual life.

You, on the other hand, are by your own admission, here to "watch batshittery unfold". That's your sole purpose and agenda here. And you're attempting to take the moral high ground on this basis?

Mmm. Right.