To ask how you remain composed? I'm going to lose my job at 11am.

[AbsolutelyCrushed]

My manager has invited me to a "next steps" meeting with HR.

I'm one week away from completing probation today, and they have to give me one weeks' notice. The timing won't be a coincidence.

Essentially, I've freelanced for them for years, but they said last year they'd have to stop giving me work due to IR35 unless I accepted a full-time job. I was nervous, but did - but the project they gave me changed, and turned out to not be my skill set. I've done a fine job, the client is really happy, but it's not what I want to do. I had a chat with a director a while back and he said they think I'm great and would find me something else, and just wanted me to be happy. We agreed I'd suggest and then train up a replacement for this project, and they'd find me work closer to what I usually do, and am good at.

I've done that. Replacement is in place. Everyone is happy (client has asked if I can stay in some capacity, but all is fine). Manager last week asked me "off the record" if I'd like to go back to freelancing - I said I hadn't thought about it but enjoyed being employed. To be honest, as they made me stop all freelancing when I signed my contract with them, I don't have the clients anymore. He said he wasn't aware of any other opportunities coming up in the next 2 months but would ask around.

He's now put a meeting in for 11am with HR and I can't stop crying. I'm the breadwinner, DH can't work due to a disability, and we have a toddler who has just settled into nursery. I'm so upset. I also feel really stupid. How do I get through this without crying?

I don’t know, sometimes it’s ok to cry. Can you write out a brief list of why you belief how they have handled this is unfair, it might help you talk through it.

Are you sure they aren't going to offer you an alternative position?

Box breathing OP. Sorry you're going through this. You might cry though and that's human and natural and understandable. Take a tissue. Is it too late to find someone to accompany you? Big unmumsnetty hugs. You'll get through this

Maybe accept that you might cry but that's completely understandable.

Firstly, be open to the idea that they might have ideas about keeping you on. Hold onto some hope. Alternatively, they could and should pay you out.

I would write some notes down, about what you'd like to say, and say them through your tears. For example:

'I have done years of good work for you. I had faith in you as an employer. I lost my other clients by agreeing to work full-time with you. I think it is your responsibility not to destroy my life - given my DH who can't work due to disability and my toddler - to pay me out/ contract with me for 35 hours a week tapering off over time so I can find other clients.'

Try and go in with some fixed asks in mind. They don't want to be 'those people' and it's probably not that impossible for them as an organisation to throw £10K your way, or whatever.

You poor thing! This is so awful, you have been really messed around. You have mentally prepared as much as you can. I'm sure you'll find another job soon (freelance or otherwise) so I'd say try to keep this meeting short and as pleasant as possible.

To avoid crying do a fixed stare into the middle distance and don't look down at all. You don't have to make loads of eye contact. You can gently bite your inner cheek and think of something totally unrelated to work/life. Something big like the desert or the arctic. Good luck, you will be fine.

Is a quick call to ACAS worthwhile? I'm not sure how continuous service works if you've been a contractor then employed in effectively the same role

Fingers crossed it all turns out positively for you 🤞

Wait to see what they say in the meeting. It may not be the bad news you think it is.

Deep breaths, use slow sips of water to give you pauses and won your side of the desk. Move the chair to where you want it etc. It'll give you some confidence to feel their equal in the meeting.

Have some clear questions in your back pocket in case you need them - what other options have been considered?, what are the implications of this? etc.

I hope it's not as bad as you think because they haven't suggested you have a representative with you. I'm surprised that hasn't been offered if the manager has HR in with them.

Best of luck OP, please do be candid with them and fight your corner like PPs have suggested, they are being absolute arseholes the way they have handled this and you deserve better.

Please let us know how it goes.

Big hugs and stay strong 💪

OP is on probation.

firstly, don’t panic, it may not be what you imagine.

secondly, crying is normal here. I am a manager who works in an industry where redundancy is super common, as is failure to perform to required levels. I have done more than my share of these conversations- and have seen many reactions from men and women. Anger, rudeness, tears, shock. One person laughed and laughed.

with regards to what @pjani said- I too would go in with specific requests. What I would NOT advise you do is the part of their responsibility not to destroy your life. That is nothing to do with them. How you find your life is up to you, please don’t blame the person delivering the news for destroying your life even if you feel they have. It will not help.

very best of luck.

I've done a fine job, the client is really happy

They'd be mad to let you go but if they do you'll do a 'fine job' and have happy clients in the next job.

Fingers crossed it's good news.

Just wanted to send you a hug.

Say what you want to clearly, have an aim in mind like the tapering mentioned up thread. If you cry, that's OK. We are human.

Good luck X

Good luck! Will be thinking of you and hope it goes better than expected at 11

Agree not to mention home life. Stick to facts and being reasonable about phasing out if that could work for you and them.

Oh OP this sounds so unfair.
I hope you don't get bad news.

I'd hope to do better than that! I'm strategic, this is an operations role. That's part of the reason I left it. For that specific project, having an operational person will be best.

Thanks all, advice noted. I won't tell them that they've ruined my life but I may try and compose myself enough to ask what they can offer in the meantime while I rebuild. And I will try to stop myself from crying, for pride reasons if nothing else!

Thanks all. I think I'm finding the RSD from my ADHD hardest. Even though my manager said they really like me and find my work brilliant last week; and the director said the same before, I'm now convinced I'm rubbish at my job.

Essentially, I've freelanced for them for years, but they said last year they'd have to stop giving me work due to IR35 unless I accepted a full-time job.

Bastards.

I've been told never work permanently for any company that you have been freelancing for unless there are a few years between the contracts.

Oh and you are allowed to show emotion.

Oh no, good luck in your meeting.

Waiting outside the room now, with a glass of water.

Deep breaths, bit inside of mouth, think about the arctic, specific requests.

Fingers crossed.

Crossing fingers for you

Might be too late.

Hope it goes ok. Don't worry about the crying. DONT be embarrassed by it or apologise for it. If they find it awkward then that's their problem. Ask for a moment to compose yourself if you need it.

Also take your time with replies if you need it

Thinking and praying for you

Best of luck OP. Thinking of you.