Why don't parents feed children what they eat?

[Gruffallowhydidntyouknow]

Twice this week I have had conversations with people that make me wonder why in the UK we are obsessed with children's food and feeing children bland foods.

One friend told me that they were furious at their mother in law, as they had been for Sunday lunch at the weekend and had had to go to Tesco to get food in for their children (5,7, 10) because it was ridiculous that they were being offered the roast beef dinner.

Another friend was bemoaning cooking two different meals as she had to cook something the children would eat and something separate for her and her wife. She laughed and said she couldn't wait until they were old enough to eat curry (8 year old twins).

I despair at the sight of pub menus as it's always beige and chips for the children or a token tomato pasta unless you are in a really nice place. Is that really how people feed children?

I have literally never made separate foods with the exception of not giving my children steak pre teeth.

I'm genuinely intrigued what makes people feed their children separately. Is it that people really believe that children won't eat normal foods? Do people think you "shouldn't" give children spicey foods, or Game/ an olive / duck / stir fry?

Is it that they were weaned on plain things and are now fussy?

I'm not talking about the tiny portion of additional needs selective eaters.

I used to think like you but it's taken my DD gradually from the age of 9 to 11 to more or less eat what we eat (one day she asked me to take her into Wagamama and I was like yessss!) Her dad, her uncle, and her youngest cousin were like that too and also my sister when younger. My sister actually ate only bread and jam for 6 months when she was 5 or 6!

I really don't think it's unusual for children to eat a plainer and more restricted diet when younger and to gradually add new foods to their repertoire.

It makes sense from an evolutionary perspective too. A lot of the bitter foods adults often like (olives, mustard, smoked and cured foods, coffee) have trace toxins in them.

Ours have always just been fed what we eat since they were old enough (10 months ish?) although when they were young they’d eat earlier than us because we didn’t want to eat dinner at 5pm. I would sit with them and just have some fruit or something when they were toddlers but gradually we did their dinner and bit later and later until we could all eat together.
Some modifications were made around dinners which would normally have been spicy or salty, they now all eat spicy stuff and just everything we do.
Of course everyone has their likes and dislikes but we work around that and almost all meals are served up as a help yourself sort of dinner, serving dishes in the middle of the table so everyone helps themselves to what they want - must include at least one vegetable!

30-40 years ago a lot of adult’s food was bland!!
My dm came over from the Caribbean in the 80s and had the neighbours knocking on the door complaining because she was cooking with garlic!!

"Why don't parents feed children what they eat?"
I read this as <what the children eat> and thought "well, obvs". Expecting you were going to complain about people not making adjustments for children who don't like certain foods.

The thing is, no one blinks an eye at an adult saying "I don't like peas" or "i prefer crisps to carrot sticks as a snack", but when children won't eat something it's seen as a huge issue.

My take is, yes, by default give your children the same meals as you, but if they don't like that, there's no reason why you can't still have that meal and make your child something else.
Another way to do it is to make the basics of your meal and add the flavourings after you've dished up the children's plate. Much in the same way as we cook dh's meat separately because we don't eat meat.

There's nothing wrong with children eating differently - or more simply - than grown ups. The problem is feeding them (or yourself) crappy processed food.

I do think parents often get too pointlessly focused on calorie intake when their child just happens to naturally sit on a lower percentile.

I always had cooked DC what we ate, but right now with food going uneaten in a cost of living crisis and the inevitable requests for porridge etc just before bed..... I admit I've caved this week and stuffed my freezer with "kids" food and filled the cupboard with Heinz tins as a back up.

I am also struggling with a few things in life at the moment and the relentless meal planning for 5 people is really tiring.

It brings me comfort knowing that I have a bunch of very easy to prepare and individualise food in, so I can focus on other things. I'm also on a weight loss diet so it has also helped as I'm not eating with the family at the moment anyway.

I fully acknowledge that this is not ideal and it's a stop gap for me until my mental and physical health, and finances, are in better order. The kids still have lots of dairy, fruit and protein in their diet so I feel a bit better.

Typically my kids eat curries, roasts, noodle dishes etc just fine.

The challenge for us parents is to know when it is fussiness (to largely ignore) and when it’s neurodiversity or an eating disorder that needs more careful management. I believe that’s what would be useful for most parents of young children to understand. We love our children and want to do our best for them. Can anyone with experience weigh in?

We didn’t all grow up eating bland food. British food can be flavoursome if made properly.

edit. maybe I should have said “even British food can be flavoursome” judging by the number of people who think it’s bland. That’s so odd. We’re you all just boiling everything? Garlic and herbs were not uncommon 30 years ago, or at least not to very many people. Eating a wide range of foods wasn’t uncommon then either. We’re taking the 80s and 90s, not the 1950s.

I would have thought that roast is one of those meals where everyone (non veggie) has something that they like- even if a fussy person ended up with only potatoes and stuffing on their plate.

My kids ate differently sometimes because we ate later than them and something like a steak tastes better made to order than made in advance.

Agree with @Imnotarestaurant - this seems a very selective view of the good old days! I was born in the 90's so didn't have first hand experience, but my ex work colleague in her 60's talked about being brought up on bananas and tinned spaghetti hoops on toast 😅

@RunningThroughMyHead I definitely know and expect that she will develop likes and dislikes for stuff as she gets older. She already spits avocado out and throws it for the dog 😂 I didn't mean to come across like a perfect parent, I know there'll be a time when all she'll want for dinner every night is tuna pasta or whatever and that's fine. I think kids go through phases and you just have to roll with it. I won't be cooking two different dinners out of choice though 😩

Sensory issues, suspected autism here so fairly separate meals but planned to minimise extra cooking so for example everyone has pasta but the rest of us actually have sauce on it. Is exhausting trying to get somewhat balanced diet and sufficient calories with only ten to fifteen safe foods. Very jealous of those who just get to cook one meal

Yes this is my reason too.
Also my 3yo eats at 5pm and sleep by 7

They do this and then when they're two they say "no" and you end up feeding them something else. They just prefer picky bits at that age as they're too busy doing other things.

We did two meals for years as the children were hungry at 5pm and DH wasn't in until 7.30. I also like really nice food and cooking and didn't want to waste it on children who are fussy and won't sit still. They still had home cooked food, but more basic stuff.

They're now 18,16 and 13 and my 13yo can be a bit fussy on occasion the older children eat everything - except aubergine. I meal plan and both the boys can often be found having a look what's for tea over the next few weeks in my diary.

I've never heard of people giving their kids different meals. I give my 2 (5 and 1 yo) what we eat, but without salt. We have curries, fish, beef, chicken, different pasta sauces, stir fries, etc. The 5 yo doesn't eat much as she's picky, but cooking separate meals is far too much work. I just always include one safe food so she eats something.

The 1 yo eats everything, but that's normal. They get picky later. Maybe other parents like less healthy food full of salt, which isn't suitable? Sometimes I'll give the kids leftovers and cook something like asparagus risotto with wine and proper stock for me and DH, or order a Dominoes after they've gone to bed.

All this faux naïveté about having ‘no idea’ why kids menus are so bland, or bafflement that parents cook two meals 🙄

It’s because some kids are incredibly fussy and you have the choice of either eating the same bland meals or cooking two different meals.

i have one DC who will eat anything. But I have another one who won’t eat anything with the smallest piece of onion or veg in it.

I think I made an effort to cook them things they liked, and they would get stuck on certain dishes for a while, til suddenly they didn't! But it wasn't nuggets and chips, they always enjoyed their vegetables and roast was (and is) a favourite! But as I ate much later with my husband they didn't always eat what we did. But weekend family meals we ate the same with maybe slight adjustments (peas instead of beans for example, though they actually loved beans, and broccoli...). My stepson hated broccoli though and couldn't understand why my husband would cook it as he liked other veg.
I do have a friend who is a fantastic cook. Her son (20!) refuses to eat anything but the blandest stuff and she eventually gave up trying.

I'm not offended by your opinion, but I do think you're wrong. There were sensory issues and food aversions in previous generations; every family has older people who remember being made to eat food that made them sick, stood over by dinner ladies while they sobbed over cabbage or tapioca or liver. Kids with food issues were more likely to be smacked and sent to bed hungry than provided with an alternative meal, but they certainly existed; they've always existed.

Little children in general don’t eat much. They have tiny tummies.

its a different matter when they hit adolescence they, especially boys, eat and eat. Prepare to take on a second mortgage!

My kid has always eaten from the normal menu at restaurants as the kids menus are frankly pathetic. He has a very varied palette and loves food. He can inhale a curry (he was 3 yrs old when he first had it 🤣) and he’s almost 5 now. Of course, occasionally he’d have McDonald’s or similar but it’s not his go to. When he was 2 his favourite afternoon snack for almost a year was olives, cheese (the type would change - smoked, Gouda, Swiss, etc) and cucumber

My almost 5 yr old eats more than me. No idea where he puts it 🤦🏻‍♀️

We do more than we don't but when we don't it's usually one or more of the following reasons.

We want to eat something very unhealthy such as a takeaway
The takeaway is a very spicy curry and neither of us want to order a milder one to share with DS
We want to relax and eat our dinner childfree

30-40 years ago there were plenty of people who only ate meals if they were of the meat and two veg type.

Even 15 years ago we took PIL out to an Indian restaurant and had to explain Indian food to them as they'd never had it.

And other countries very much do have kid's food - I remember my kids being made a fuss of in Italy and given chocolate mousse and other such treats for breakfast by the waiter.

I enjoy cooking (or used to before DC!) and have given my DC the same food as us since they were babies. One of them has still turned out to be a very fussy eater. I only cook one meal for everyone but it is a challenge. Always have to make sure there is bread/pasta/rice served with it so she eats something.