Why don't parents feed children what they eat?

[Gruffallowhydidntyouknow]

Twice this week I have had conversations with people that make me wonder why in the UK we are obsessed with children's food and feeing children bland foods.

One friend told me that they were furious at their mother in law, as they had been for Sunday lunch at the weekend and had had to go to Tesco to get food in for their children (5,7, 10) because it was ridiculous that they were being offered the roast beef dinner.

Another friend was bemoaning cooking two different meals as she had to cook something the children would eat and something separate for her and her wife. She laughed and said she couldn't wait until they were old enough to eat curry (8 year old twins).

I despair at the sight of pub menus as it's always beige and chips for the children or a token tomato pasta unless you are in a really nice place. Is that really how people feed children?

I have literally never made separate foods with the exception of not giving my children steak pre teeth.

I'm genuinely intrigued what makes people feed their children separately. Is it that people really believe that children won't eat normal foods? Do people think you "shouldn't" give children spicey foods, or Game/ an olive / duck / stir fry?

Is it that they were weaned on plain things and are now fussy?

I'm not talking about the tiny portion of additional needs selective eaters.

15 year old that will eat anything, weaned and treated my 12 year old the same but she does not enjoy dishes and prefers the meal deconstructed . I believe food is to be enjoyed and to fuel your body not a hill to die on .

I didn’t like curry till I was late teens. I won’t make da eat anything spicy, his mouth is very much more sensitive than mine is. He eats most veg and strong flavours like olives but nothing with heat in it. Why should I force him?

It does seem that an awful lot of parents make two meals or think children only want bland food. And so many children who are incredibly picky.

It certainly wasn’t the case to the same extent 30-40 years ago. Does make me wonder if there is a connection as the increase in what are called sensory issues and very limited palates seem to be hugely prevalent.

I note that the “how dare you judge and I want to be offended” brigade have arrived despite the OP’s last sentence.

Both my DC were baby-led weaned, ate what we ate & loved it - chilli, curry, paella, chorizo, pasta etc.
DD got to about 2 & started refusing certain foods, to the point she'd refuse to eat. She's 9 now & better than she was but still doesn't like certain things she happily ate as a toddler.
DS is better - likes a wider range of foods but hates mash.
We do new food one day a week - some successes & some abject failures.
We do often do two meals but mainly as the kids eat earlier than DH & I - but we try to maximise leftovers. DH & I had curry last night & saved a portion for DS as DD doesn't like it; then today we had cottage pie which DD does like but DS doesn't, so he had the leftover curry.

I think it starts when they're babies and you're told they shouldn't have any salt or sugar and that foods should be introduced one by one. No adult wants to eat like that so you make something separate and then the kids get used to blander stuff and/or being catered to separately. Then it becomes just easier to make them something separate rather than listen to the buggers whinging. I'd do it differently if I had my time over but at the time I was just trying to follow health visitors orders.

I am pretty sure that no one has suggested force feeding any child.

Inflammatory language like that is unhelpful.

It's not superior parenting to feed your kids what you eat. It's what most of the world does.
I'll cook one meal too despite having a Dd who would rather starve than eat something she doesn't like. She hated sauces so I 'deconstructed' her meal. Got strict sometimes, allowed weetabix in lieu of a missed meal sometimes and now she eats most meals fine.
Some dc will have genuine issues but this thread is more about the general attitude of dc eat plain crap food and why this is so prevalent.

You probably don't have two autistic children. They eat their safe foods but will not try new things or some family meals no matter what.
So often end up adapting meals for DD2 and DS. Luckily they do enjoy roast dinners (DS would live on Yorkshire puddings given the chance) and spaghetti bolognese but everything else is a struggle. DS will go the entire day at nursery without eating if he doesn't it's not a safe food.
So sometimes it's not down to being fussy. DD1 eats everything.

Our children have been given what we eat right from the beginning. My 8yo now ears most things, after being a bit fussier previously. My 5yo is very resistant to about 70% of the meals we give him. We try to make sure he has part of the meal and maybe offer it in a different way e.g. put the chicken in a wrap, have some of the veg raw as a side dish. We end up eating the same 4 or 5 acceptable family meals lots! I can understand why some give up and go beige. Although moaning about the MIL is rude!

At least with fish fingers and nuggets it is pretty consistent and children will mostly eat them. We have had issues in the past ordering a known food e.g. spaghetti bolognese but it tastes different to home and they won't eat it. That just adds stress when it is meant to be a nice meal.

40 years ago in my part of Scotland nobody in my community was eating curry at home, except Pakistani families. Dinners at home were very much more plain for everybody in 1980. Kids I grew up with ate mice and mash or chops or cod and homemade chips. To be honest even lasagna was considered a bit fancy.

I have 4 kids, 3 ate everything, fourth very selective fussy eater. I now wonder if more kids are fussy like him, that is why we give them bland/desperate food? But I've also had people say it's 'unusual' mine like olives or something. In my experience most kids will like plain black olives, they are bland and salty. From my further questioning, all who are surprised have never even tried their children with them.

Exactly, makes total sense. Our 3 boys have always eaten what we eat,together, at the table- unless one is at a club or one of us parents has to work late.

No need for the sarky 'superior parenting'- just makes sense, and so so much cheaper and healthier, and so much less time consuming. One meal, shared by all.

Because I am vegetarian and DC isn't - and no I don't want to force her to become one. If she chooses to be vegetarian in her own time then great, but that is a decision for her to make

Mine ate anything when he was 1-2 years old. Then he turned 3 and steadily started refusing chicken, then fish, then anything crunchy, then anything green, then any kind of soup, then most forms of potato, then any kind of bean. Given the chance he'd live on toast, eggs, cheese, fruit and pasta Bolognese. Not for lack of exposure or trying on my part 🤷🏼‍♀️

Steak is fine pre-teeth. Babies have really strong gums.

I’ve never made separate meals either. We all eat together when DS eats. I try to make things he likes, and at least have an element he’ll enjoy and eat enough of.

I'm curious as to how you manage the actual mealtime with them when they are small? I tried eating altogether but it was too early for the adults and often too late for my daughter. And often I don't cook things that are nice when reheated.
I plan to try eating together when she can stay up later.

Mine are 5&2 and eat what we eat, some slight adjustments but overall, we all eat together at 6-6:30pm.

@Pickledprawn

We ate together at 6.30pm, still do and they are grown.

Maybe where you are from but we didn’t all grow up eating bland food.

It’s not about only eating non-British food. It’s that so many will apparently only eat beige and bland. Many British foods are perfectly flavourful and I don’t recall everyone only eating mechanically recovered meat (nuggets) or similar in the 80s. There was a lot less “pandering” to picky eaters then too.

My kids ate everything I offered, lots of veg, fruit, meat, mostly smaller (and less salty) versions of what we were eating during weaning and beyond - the aim was to encourage us all eating (the same thing) together at mealtimes.

The eldest got to around 5yo and started to refuse food. His diet is mainly beige. We've had small breakthroughs (eg when he got a taste for mild curries) but he's now a teenager and not much better. He will go hungry (or throw up) rather than eat what we're eating sometimes.

The youngest had eating issues (due to other health issues) and (like the eldest) would prefer to eat just beige food. As he was so poorly he dropped down the percentiles and we almost got to the stage of needing to tube feed him, so I know that the "eat this or nothing" approach won't work.

There's only 5-6 family meals we can have that everyone eats.

All we can do is keep offering different foods and hope they that get a taste for them eventually. I can do without the smug parents judging though.

I generally make two meals. A couple of reasons: mine wouldn't eat the food me and DH actually want to eat (eg anchovy pasta, mushroom risotto, curry) and I don't want to eat the stuff they would eat every night (eg lasagne, pasta with cheese sauce) and secondly eating meals with them is always more stressful than eating on our own. Inevitably the 2 year old wanders off half way through and we end up following her around with a fork, or literally every time we sit down they need a drink or a different spoon or a plate not a bowl etc etc.

Not sure why some people feel so very smug with themselves for only serving one meal.

We didn’t eat with DS8 until the last year or so, except at weekends. He ate early and we ate after he went to bed. Now he goes to bed later and we’ve shifted to a family meal at around 6.30pm. He mostly eats the same as us, but he doesn’t like spicy food so sometimes we’ll get a takeaway curry or similar, and cook him something else. The range of meals he’ll eat has increased hugely since we’ve all been eating together as a family so it’s definitely a good thing to do, but it just didn’t work when he was younger - I don’t get home from work until 6.15ish and he’d be in bed for 7. Even if I was wfh I don’t want to eat at 5.

Ive offered hot food (eg with chilli) but they've never liked this. I don't like very spicy food myself.

But they happily eat milder curries and tagines, burritos etc with strong flavours & seasonings eg cumin, cinnamon, garam masala, turmeric, basil, thyme, rosemary.

We usually just tweak recipes to suit preferences. Eldest is 7 now and eats most of what we eat except hates cheese.

I don’t cook separate meals for my 3.5 year old - we all eat the same. If anything, DH and I now eat healthier and are more conscious of salt content etc since DS is eating the same meals as us.

I also don’t shy away from spices etc. So far, he’s never turned his nose up at a meal in his life (bar the week when he had covid where every meal was “disgusting” 🙃).

BUT I’m 99% sure that’s due to luck rather than anything else! I’m sure the vast majority of children hit a fussy stage at some point and some stay in it far longer than others. I’m sure mine won’t be excluded from this either. Parents feed their kids what they know they will eat at whatever stage they’re going through because they want them to eat 🤷🏻‍♀️

I do agree with the lack of choice on kids menus being annoying. Currently, mine will pick something a bit more interesting off the adults menu over nuggets/fish/sausage/chips off the kids menu. But there are lots of kids that wouldn’t 🤷🏻‍♀️ Most pubs/restaurants that cook fresh will happily offer a half portion of adults meals if you ask 🤷🏻‍♀️😊

Yes!! I was so smug when my eldest used to eat everything as a baby! Now I give her a spoonful of peas and she acts as if she’s being poisoned!!