Why don't parents feed children what they eat?

[Gruffallowhydidntyouknow]

Twice this week I have had conversations with people that make me wonder why in the UK we are obsessed with children's food and feeing children bland foods.

One friend told me that they were furious at their mother in law, as they had been for Sunday lunch at the weekend and had had to go to Tesco to get food in for their children (5,7, 10) because it was ridiculous that they were being offered the roast beef dinner.

Another friend was bemoaning cooking two different meals as she had to cook something the children would eat and something separate for her and her wife. She laughed and said she couldn't wait until they were old enough to eat curry (8 year old twins).

I despair at the sight of pub menus as it's always beige and chips for the children or a token tomato pasta unless you are in a really nice place. Is that really how people feed children?

I have literally never made separate foods with the exception of not giving my children steak pre teeth.

I'm genuinely intrigued what makes people feed their children separately. Is it that people really believe that children won't eat normal foods? Do people think you "shouldn't" give children spicey foods, or Game/ an olive / duck / stir fry?

Is it that they were weaned on plain things and are now fussy?

I'm not talking about the tiny portion of additional needs selective eaters.

I fed all 4dc whatever we or I was having for dinner. 3 of my Dc eat everything, 1 Dc is a little fussier, veggie & selective. I do make a few adaptations, less chilli & veggie versions of curry etc but it’s eat or go hungry. I do always ensure there is something on the plate that is eaten if making a meal that is not as like by one family member. Dd isn’t a big risotto fan so there are veggies or chicken as well as the risotto. I have a friend who feeds the kids separately to themselves, daily. It’s always nuggets/hotdogs, chips, processed beige foods, coco pops for breakfast. They said that they make sure the kids have vegetables twice a week, I thought they were joking, they weren’t 🙈. This was a few years ago and they still do it now. This is because the kids won’t eat anything else and haven’t done since toddlers.

Ours always had the same meal as the adults unless there was a rare reason the adults were eating too late. I've not had fussy children but did have one that would only eat small potions for a while. They are older now and the only really fussy one is the one that doesn't like fish.

My now adult children took after me and their dad. Nearly all types of food eaten and enjoyed. Once they had teeth they ate just the same as us - except for anything that was potentially dangerous. It didn't occur to me that maybe I should be giving them something else to eat. Spag Bol (homemade) was their favourite meal, quickly followed by a roast dinner. Sometimes we all had sausage, mash and baked beans, sometimes fishfingers, chips and baked beans. Other favourites were cottage or shepherd's pie, and lamb or pork chops, with new potatoes and greens and carrots. We all had the same meals, I don't think it crossed any of our minds (thank goodness) to have different meals, or different meal-times. Maybe I was just lucky?

I wonder if perhaps the food we choose as adults is more of an acquired taste than we realise? So we are drawn to less bland foods because we’re looking for something to elevate it above the ordinary? Kids aren’t fed up with basic foodstuffs yet, so don’t need their chicken/bread/pasta made more interesting.

From an evolutionary viewpoint, it doesn't actually make sense to expect children to eat different foods every day. Ancient humans would have eaten more or less the same foods day in day out, with changes happening through the seasons as different plants became available.

Children are programmed to get fussy around toddler age, this is a survival mechanism to stop them picking up and eating unusual things that could kill them. Instead they go for bland, boring, familiar.

My mother in law said asparagus was wasted on toddler DD...at a pub and it was my asparagus I was sharing!

Mine used to eat what we ate...

And then one turned into a teenager who will only eat crap at his dad's and opts to eat there. Beware of being smug because they might eat what you eat now...

...On the other hand at least they've had a healthy start and are more likely to eat better

I can't see any reason to judge servers and eaters of 'beige food' as everyone's situation is different.
I suspect many parents play it safe and serve meals that they know will be eaten as they cannot afford to waste food or they simply don't want to waste it. My own DM would always offer me a sample of any non-standard meals she was having and that's how my own tastes developed without much food going in the bin.

Enjoy it while it lasts! My experience is babies eat everything. That usually changes around 18-24 months when they realise they can protest! (And I think something changes with their taste).

My babies used to eat everything too, raw tofu, avocado, all veggies. Now they're soooo fussy!

Because my children tell me what they like and don’t like. I don’t intend on force feeding them something they don’t like so I accommodate where I can.

Generally I agree with you but the thing with children’s menus when you go out to eat… if I’m paying restaurant prices I will order something pretty safe for 4yo DD like sausages, pizza etc as I know she will eat it and I’ve not wasted my money.

At home, she mostly eats what we have unless I know she genuinely doesn’t like it. Or I’ll make a small change for her. eg if we are having steak I’ll do her a couple of sausages instead but she’ll have the same sides as us.

These are the types of people that create fussy eaters OP.

I also hate the pub menus, always chicken nuggets, chips and beans, or fish fingers, chips and beans, or pizza, chips and beans.

I have a 4yo and 2yo. They’ll both eat anything, and will try anything, love their veg.. with the exception of cooked onions but they’ll just picked them out if they find one and pop it on the side of the plate.

I have no idea why some parents will cook a superstructure, beige meal for their kids while they sit down and tuck into a home cooked meal. The kids need the nutrients more than anyone else 😂

This is clearly the post of someone who's never had a fussy child! I used to think along similar lines, feed them what you have, don't stress if they don't eat etc etc. My first two did absolutely fine on this regime of home cooked 'adult' meals from scratch that we all ate together, didn't always eat absolutely everything put in front of them, weren't vegetable lovers particularly but always ate at least something with a bit of gentle encouragement etc. And they loved all the normal 'tricks' like getting them to do their own toppings for pizza etc.

Then the child comes along where literally none of that works. Not ignoring whether she ate or not, not bribery, not praise, not special plates or sternness or not letting her have anything else, none of it. She ate an incredibly small range of safe foods only (talking literally milk and plain white bread) for about 2 years, then only very gradually started to accept new things, mostly on the very bland or processed side like plain pasta, plain chips, chicken nuggets. And the thing is it's all very well saying just chill, let them be, give them healthy meals and they'll eat eventually but she would get ratty through not eating or drinking if not provided her safe foods at intervals, was pale and peaky and much more illness prone than her siblings. When you can see all that happening it's hard not to give in at least some of the time and just give her 'children's meals' whenever I could - I would never have been kicking off at granny on social media for providing a roast dinner (social media not a thing in those days anyway thankfully) but we did pick what restaurants we ate in around what would do her something she'd eat so we could have a pleasant time together as a family not a battle, and yes, fed her 'nutritionally valueness' beige freezer food most evenings, and tbh I'm glad of it because the more we all relaxed and she knew we weren't going to deny her safe food the more she did start to try and like new things (although maybe that was just her naturally growing out of it, who knows). And she's a very well adapted healthy adult who eats anything and has a balanced diet now, no food issues whatever. So whether or not that was by the book parenting or not I don't really care now at 20 years distance I'm afraid!

Ours always had what we had. Used to get fed up with children’s menus. Just been to Spain where most menus had prices for a tapa size, a half plate or full plate of every dish. So sensible. I don’t want the same portion as my husband who is a foot taller than me.

I’ve never done separate meals and fed my kids curries and stews from all over the world right from weaning. Was told off by the HV for feeding them “foreign food,” and told to give them bland stuff but they liked it, they ate it, and it was healthier versions so suitable for young kids. So my kids have never had “kid food” as the normal style of eating. BUT, I have been very very lucky that my kids will eat whatever is put in front of them with only a few things being on their dislike list. The only reason I can feed them whatever I’m having is that they cooperate, try things, are happy to be adventurous. I could just as easily have had a kid who will only eat chicken nuggets.

Kids are only fussy if you let them be. We don't and they eat everything. But the British are largely brought up on ready meals, convenience foods, snacks, processed and pub type food, chips etc, hence the fussiness in kids AND adults. You don't find that in France, Italy, Spain, Japan...

I could have posted your post OP a couple of years ago. I’ve had two girls who would eat anything. Weaned on curries, stir fries, chilli, casseroles etc. Never even refused a vegetable. They are fussier now but there are enough adult meals that they would eat for us all to eat the same.

Then I had my son…

Weaning totally different, fussy from the outset, even though he was starving. For ages he would only eat crunchy things, fruit and purées.

Now there are about 10 ‘safe’ foods he will eat. He will quite happily eat nothing for lunch and tea at nursery if he doesn’t fancy it and be absolutely starving when he gets home. He would refuse, despite being starving, any grown up tea at home, so I feed him what he will eat. And no that’s not nuggets, chips and pizza. He won’t eat any of those.

It’s very easy to judge until you have a stubborn fussy eater.

I guess you're just a superior parent! 🙄

I have two children. One eats what we eat (or can always eat enough). One eats 4 very specific (healthy, home cooked) meals. Both will eat chips and fish fingers etc. They both hadn't had any of this kind of thing until they were in nursery being fed 'kids food' twice a day for 5 days a week. Now it's the norm. Its difficult as me and their dad love cooking and eating different foods but the fussy child is genuinely scared of it.

Goodness only knows, mine ate the same as me from weaning. Neither would eat that bland stuff on kids menus so I'd order an adult meal and ask for an extra plate

This is utter rot 😂

It’s not all about the children being fussy - there are occasions where the parent pre judges what the child will like. I’ve seen them do it. I was at a bbq and a child of about 8 asked to try an olive and the parent said “ I don’t think you’ll like it “ rather than just letting them try the damn olive. I do think that kind of behaviour is moronic yes.

Some really depressing views on here. My fussy child is on the 5th centile and will happily miss multiple meals if there is nothing they like. Am I supposed to just let them drop into being unhealthily underweight? The medical professionals I've talked to about it, disagree.

They eat what we have. It's how I weaned them.

Youngest can be tricky (ASD) but on the whole it's the same for everyone.

I have 4 kids, one fussy on dinners, another fussy on lunches (as in sandwiches/wraps etc), another a fruit hater, the other has to be bribed to eat breakfast. All started out eating everything. Our biggest arguments are food related but there’s times I let things slide. I get fed up of relatives etc using the ‘they’ll eat if they’re hungry’ thing. Some kids will just starve over giving in!! If you don’t understand you’ve never had to live it so it’s just one of those things that you’ll never understand (in a nice way!)

I have no idea why some parents will cook a superstructure, beige meal for their kids while they sit down and tuck into a home cooked meal. The kids need the nutrients more than anyone else

You can put all the nutrients in the world in front of someone but if they refuse to eat them, what do you do? Force them? As for 'I have no idea why...', I can't work out if you are being inflammatory or just a bit dim.