Why don't parents feed children what they eat?

[Gruffallowhydidntyouknow]

Twice this week I have had conversations with people that make me wonder why in the UK we are obsessed with children's food and feeing children bland foods.

One friend told me that they were furious at their mother in law, as they had been for Sunday lunch at the weekend and had had to go to Tesco to get food in for their children (5,7, 10) because it was ridiculous that they were being offered the roast beef dinner.

Another friend was bemoaning cooking two different meals as she had to cook something the children would eat and something separate for her and her wife. She laughed and said she couldn't wait until they were old enough to eat curry (8 year old twins).

I despair at the sight of pub menus as it's always beige and chips for the children or a token tomato pasta unless you are in a really nice place. Is that really how people feed children?

I have literally never made separate foods with the exception of not giving my children steak pre teeth.

I'm genuinely intrigued what makes people feed their children separately. Is it that people really believe that children won't eat normal foods? Do people think you "shouldn't" give children spicey foods, or Game/ an olive / duck / stir fry?

Is it that they were weaned on plain things and are now fussy?

I'm not talking about the tiny portion of additional needs selective eaters.

Maybe they cook food that their kids will eat because they want their kids to eat food...

Dd won't eat anything mixed up. I have tried. I don't give her beige stuff but I'm not willing to eat unmixed stuff (no sauce, curry, etc)

Get off your high horse!

Yep- we have literally no rules about food in our house. All calories are good calories and my son has to eat a lot of salt, so we really seem like crap parents food wise 🤷‍♀️

I've always fed mine what we eat. It's resulted in my adult DC, not being fussy eaters and who will eat a wide range of foods.

Me too.

I cannot be arsed to cook two meals. I mean, it costs more if anything! We all eat the same. If DD doesn't eat it it's tough. (She's 17 though. Still a fussy eater).

I was a faddy eater, allegedly. She'd always complain about the faddiness and how much expense, time and effort was involved in finding things for me that I'd eat. Had she been able to make me 'not fussy' by just giving me what she had, she'd have done it, just as she had with her older children.

The only difference is that I was refusing things that contained wheat and/or dairy in favour of things that didn't. Because they made me feel sick - and the 'normal' things she expected me to eat because she'd never allowed a child to be fussy before were things like burgers, sausages, fish fingers, tinned spaghetti, cake, biscuits, ice cream and all the foods that you are criticising others about.

She also hated things like olives, didn't like spices, seasonings or salt and was deeply suspicious of anything that didn't contain wheat and dairy, so finding out that I'd happily eat spicy or intensely savoury foods as long as they weren't involving bread, pasta, milk, butter, cheese or cream sauces really didn't improve her mood - the birthday party I came back from having attached myself to a random grandparent and got given a little plate of gelfiltefisch, halved radishes, salt, beetroot and horseradish with pickled cucumber and red cabbage but politely refused the party food and cake was her final straw and she marched me off to the GP for help with the faddy child.

The GP told her if I'd eat chicken and vegetables, just give me chicken and vegetables and stop worrying about what I wouldn't eat, as I wasn't starving - a child who would willingly eat every vegetable I'd ever been given wasn't something to complain about, and potatoes were cheaper than nuggets.

Just because I instinctively rejected stuff that was making me ill - turned out I was Coeliac and can't do dairy - and is usually the sort of thing that parents are criticised for giving their children, that didn't mean she did anything 'right' - other than give the fuck up and put up with the weird child who wouldn't eat the things she wanted me to have.

This. That is fair. My cousin hates salad dressing so if we are making a big salad for everyone we just put his in a smaller bowl and then put the dressing on the rest. That’s adapting. But letting a child control meals is wrong.

We have 3 different meals most nights. 1 or maybe 2 times a week we have the same meal.

I've only ever cooked one meal for us all. Luckily mine eat just about anything. Love fruit and veg even salad. I cook from scratch most of the time. I never relied on conviniance baby foods when weaning. I introduced them to individual tastes. They were tucking into a child friendly roast dinner from about one and mild curry from about 18 months. They also have severe autism and ADHD. They do have treats but my son would choose a peice of fruit over a biscuit.

I find the whole cooking different meals things really weird too tbh. It wasn't a thing in my house when I was a child, unless on the odd occasion my parents were going out for a special meal together - then obviously they'd cook me something separately... its actually really noticeable with my niece. She's starting to become fussier and fussier (was never a great eater to begin with) and SIL bemoans that she only eats pasta. She was weaned on primarily baby food, pouches etc. We had a family roast together not long ago and my niece ate/tried everything because we were all sat eating as a family... not separately like SIL & BIL feed her at home.

I don't think not eating separate meals = cure all for fussy eating. But I certainly think it doesn't help either

Another personal pet peeve of mine is parents not putting any kind of spices, flavourings etc into their kids meals. Ok maybe not chilli, but there's no reason kids meals need to be bland! I don't want to eat bland food, why would I expect my baby/kid to enjoy bland food!

Who on earth refuses a roast dinner? Surely that’s a meal anyone can eat as it’s all separate bits?

We do family meals and just adapted it when they were younger (e.g. no chill / salt). I have 3 children and don’t have the time, energy or money to be doing separate meals. They have just sat at the table with us from babies as soon as they were old enough for a high chair.

They do have their likes and dislikes, so for example I usually do 2 or 3 types of veg and as long as they have had some veg I don’t care which sort.

I generally go along the route of having a few dishes of food on the table and encourage them to help themselves. They are never forced to clear a plate and if there’s something they don’t like then that’s ok and I’ll adapt it next time. (E.g. DC3 likes couscous, DC1 doesn’t so has pitta bread instead).

There’s no food waste because I keep the leftovers for lunch the next day.

I think the important thing is we are all sitting and eating and chatting together as a family.

Now they are older I also encourage them to help cook and choose meals.

However I am aware we are really lucky, I talk to friends who have children with very restrictive diets and it sounds such hard work.

Mine started out OK but are pretty fussy now, to be fair they have fussy parents. The only meal we eat the same is a roast dinner. During the week we eat at different times anyway so it's not a big issue having different meals.

Yes, that is what parents did too. I got a less spicy chilli or curry or whatever.

It is early days with my DC but I am basically doing the same.

When we first started weaning, I would rinse some sauce off food to make it more palatable and less messy. Now we just embrace the mess! 🙄😂

Every meal we have is served “buffet style”.

I don’t have the time or inclination to cook several meals.

I cook a meal and everything is served in separate dishes, each person serves themselves whatever elements they like of that particular meal.

So basically, I never plate up their meals for them.

I don't get it either OP.

Yes, some kids are pickier eaters for one reason or another. But the ones that get me are where they have never even tried to feed the kids normal foods.

Roast beef dinner was my all time favorite as a kid. And do they not think kids in places like India eat curries as children?

I always gave my kids what we had, other than the occasionally really spicy-hot dish. Even those I usually made a more mild version of the same thing. They all developed likes and dislikes of their own, but they've always eaten the same kinds of foods adults eat, and really enjoy them.

It's a British thing.. I don't know any European country that does this. Such a shame not to get kids used to good food from a very young age.

@NoCloudsAllowed she sounds just like me! I even used to dismantle sandwiches into their separate parts…. I now eat almost anything, I’m quite foodie and am much less fussy than many adults I know. The change happened during my teens.

Game, olives and duck

Food allergies.

This is pretty common at that age, usually they improve quite a bit over the next few years, especially if they were good eaters before.

It's the ages of the kids the OP was talking about that are startling. By the time a child is 8 I'd expect them to be mainly eating "normal" foods, even if they might not be adventurous, and the idea that 10 year olds would still be on a special kid diet seems crazy. When are they going to start eating adult food?

Yes that’s what we do too, and I think it works because it helps children to feel in control of their meal.

I’ve always given my children the same food as the adults (now just me, but used to be exh).

Once is fussy, but mainly about veg, so will eat flavoured stuff like curries etc but not a great range of vegetables.

The other was always completely non fussy but now is vegetarian.

So now I do end up making two versions of everything- not too taxing though to make a chicken stir fry and a veg stir fry, chicken curry and veg curry, standard bolognaise and a lentil bolognaise etc at the same time. I batch cook and free a lot!

My children (3 under 6) eat what we do although there are tweaks... 3 year old doesn't like sauces so serve them separately, that kind of thing. Same food though... curries, soups, Roasts, pasta salads, fish dishes, stir fries with the odd home made pizza type meal thrown in.

kids menus at most restaurants annoy me. So bland!

We do have buffet style meals quite often too - where many elements everyone likes but there are a few someone won’t touch

I did until my eldest (and at this stage only) started slowly reducing what he would eat. He will eat a very narrow range of foods (despite being weaned on home cooked food) and I couldn’t bear only to eat that. He sometimes eats what we eat but often eats something different.