To offer ticket to contentious friend

[Fireworkgrannyblanket]

More of a WWYD really -

I'm going with a bunch of mates to see a band in a nearby city next month and DP can't come, so l've got a spare ticket. It's an hour or so on the train to get there, and we're going to get some food beforehand - so not a quick meet-at-the-venue-few-pints-and-home-again sort of do.

My issue is this - l've a friend who likes the band and would come if l offered her the ticket but who wouldn't gel with the rest of the people going. I've known her since we were kids and she's very good hearted but a bit Daily Mail in some of her opinions and the rest of the group are from my uni and far more woke. I don't want to spend the evening arguing but l feel bad not inviting her as l now have a spare ticket! I'm going round and round in my head over this so be brutal and help me!

Never mind all of that, how much is her house worth? 😁

I think we all get that from your statement that she doesn't seem to believe that people can be affected by stress and anxiety to the extent that they can't work, and that being able to afford to buy a house is just a matter of cutting down on non-necessities like coffee. That indicates a mindset that refuses to acknowledge the reality of mental illness, or that some people are so poor that they never buy coffee yet definitely still can't contemplate buying a house. Both of those are pretty clearly bigoted views.

Absolutely! As you can see here 'I'm so accepting and non judgemental!! Just make sure you have the same opinions as me!!'
She likes to argue/discuss things, but she can be a bit like a dog with a bone once she gets onto a topic. completely the opposite of all the woke-y I am considerably better than you crap...

Seriously. Not a bigot! Thinks differently to the people we'd be meeting. That's all!

Please tell me this post is the other side of the one from the girl who wanted to see a band and asked her friend to go but she said no as she was going with a different group already!

Please tell me this post is the other side of the one from the girl who wanted to see a band and asked her friend to go but she said no as she was going with a different group already!

Edited to add link:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4978073-am-i-being-too-sensitive-friend-not-inviting-me

Would this friend really bring up such topics when going to see a band she likes, with people who also like it?!
I understand you want to avoid a situation so I would say you are overthinking it. Most people wouldn't bring up their views of being off work due to MH on a night out, surely?

You'd choose to piss off a group of your friends to please one of them?

Glad your partner dealt with the ticket because your friendship group would probably have been very unhappy with you and maybe even thought you secretly shared some of this woman's views.

@nononocontact Ha ha! No, that's not her - she's far more sensible!
DP thinks l should invite her, buy everyone shots and let nature take it's course, but l love them all so l'm not going to. The pesky ticket is out for re-sale and l feel better for it!

It’s strange reading all these responses. There was a post recently about missing the 1980s and I thought actually that what I missed ( other than youth and lack of responsibility) was having friends who had completely different opinions from me and who I could have interesting/controversial conversations with whilst still remaining friends. In those days it was CND/politics/religion ( women in the priesthood was a favourite at my catholic school!) . It made life fun. Nowadays everyone is scared of offending someone ( unintentionally) and there are no shades of grey and as a result many discussions can be rather bland. I know loads of people of my mother’s generation who read the Daily Mail and they are far racist or closed minded.

MUCH bigger twunts!

@aliceinanwonderland l know what you mean. I like a chance to defend what l think! Thing is that l'm not the one organising this, l can't guarentee that everyone else would feel the same way so it's probably better to avoid the situation and be on the safe side.

Completely unhelpful but "a bit daily mail" is an absolutely wonderful description of a person. It conveys so much but so succinctly.

I'll so use this phrase again!

Invite her. Roll your eyes and tell her your uni mates are snowflakes and so she may have to tolerate them, and tell them not to wind her up and start arguments if they get offended. Problem solved. They're all adults aren't they?

This.

Interestingly I think you would have got different responses if you hadn’t mentioned the daily mail.

Well, of course. It’s shorthand for ‘semi-literate, underthinking thug’.

im going to a concert soon with 3 friends I’d be pissed off if someone dropped out and someone else invited some random that we didn’t know. Especially as we too are going for drinks and stuff, even without the daily Mail stuff as it upsets the dynamic.

Haha I came on here to defend your friend , that she may not be racist but sheltered in her other views. On the flip side if she doesn't mingle with people from other backgrounds she will never get a 360 perspective. I appreciate it's not your job though and it's a difficult one as I would also be exhausted mentally from being on tippytoes all evening. Xxx

The issue is not with your ‘friend’ but with the crowd that can’t bear to have their fixed mindset challenged in any way! I come from a world where we encouraged and enjoyed differing views, and could consider other ways of thinking. A bunch of ‘woke’ people in your view all with identical views would terrify me! I have a legal background, and can’t be the only questioning this group think mentality.

Would you need to come up with a safe space for one of them potentially??

I think you are being a bit weak op, sorry.

I see this woke herd approach in my teen dds social groups. It feels sinister because no one is allowed to express a different idea without being shot down as transphobic etc.

Assumedly, she tells you her opinions, as you are close friends but has enough social common sense not to discuss controversial views with people on the first meeting.

Why wince at her views rather then having a discussion? People can have opposing views and debate the topics respectfully.

I fear for the intellectual integrity of this country, or even its ability to remain a democracy with such dogmatic entrenched mindsets with no capacity to listen to another view even at a relaxed social event.
How are they going to manage in the real world 🤷🏼‍♀️

Is she argumentative though? If she'll be quiet and civil, then I'd bring her mind she argues alot with people, over different views then nope. My fil is one of those argumentative people, can't take him any where! Not the pub or for a meal, he ruins it every time!

On the flip side, the friend has said/done absolutely nothing 'racist' but read a paper that's disapproved of by some.
Grow some gumption @Fireworkgrannyblanket tell your 'friend' she embarrasses you and you're ashamed she doesn't have the exact same opinion as other friends, so she knows you're not actually a 'friend'.