To offer ticket to contentious friend

[Fireworkgrannyblanket]

More of a WWYD really -

I'm going with a bunch of mates to see a band in a nearby city next month and DP can't come, so l've got a spare ticket. It's an hour or so on the train to get there, and we're going to get some food beforehand - so not a quick meet-at-the-venue-few-pints-and-home-again sort of do.

My issue is this - l've a friend who likes the band and would come if l offered her the ticket but who wouldn't gel with the rest of the people going. I've known her since we were kids and she's very good hearted but a bit Daily Mail in some of her opinions and the rest of the group are from my uni and far more woke. I don't want to spend the evening arguing but l feel bad not inviting her as l now have a spare ticket! I'm going round and round in my head over this so be brutal and help me!

I'd offer the ticket to someone else and ditch this friend. Not because there's anything wrong with her, but because it sounds like you think you and your uni friends are too good for her. That's not really a friendship is it?

This post permits

Fireworkgrannyblanket

not to invite her Daily-Mail-Opinioned old school friend to one concert of popular music with a group of Woke University Friends.

Valid until April 2024
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Your statutory rights are not affected.

@Tootsweets84 Not better, just different. I like to discuss stuff with someone who doesn't see things the same way, you can't just live in an echo chamber. We have lots in common too. I don't want to assume the rest of the group feel the same, though - and l don't want her to feel out-numbered and got at!

I'm not going to mention it and hope we can re-sell the ticket through the venue.

Agree, easier not to mix them.

For the sake of balance, I can think of many woke people I'd not want to be trapped in a restaurant with in case they start spouting off.

Just don’t mention the spare ticket to her, it’ll bring you stress and you won’t look forward to the evening.
Just to add, I totally get it, OP. I’ve a friend similar. Known each other since primary school, we’ve had different life experiences and grown into very different people. If we met now I very much doubt we would click and become friends. But I’ve known her a very long time, she’s been a brilliant friend to me and I love her. I’d never ditch her.
So weird to see how black and white about things people are on mumsnet. That’s just not real life.

Hmm I'm all for a debate and being friends with people with differing views (actual prejudice/sexism/racism etc etc excepted!) but I'm not sure that a fun gig where everyone else is friends and has similar views is the right place or time... I think it could change the whole vibe for the worse. Your friend could feel quite ganged up on, and it's also not really fair on your friends who've already paid for tickets with the idea of a certain kind of night out IMO. It'd be different if it was a casual night out at the pub or something.

Christ, she sounds tedious.

Just don’t tell her you have a spare ticket.

Honestly, if I was in this sort of situation, where I thought that giving the old friend a last minute invite would lead to unpleasant debates / arguments between the old friend and the uni friends, then I’d just not even mention the spare ticket to the old friend. And I wouldn’t feel guilty about it.

You don’t have to invite her along to a planned outing with a different group of friends just because she likes the band too. If you don’t mention the spare ticket to her then she doesn’t even need to know that it was ever an option.

This

Your friend is a bigot with her opinions, by your own words. Why would you want to spend any time with someone like that?

DH has a similar friend, known each other since nursery, from the same small village, count each other as best mates. They could not be more different. DH (and me, and all our other friends in the city we live in) are very lefty, arty, living in vehicles and squats etc, into punk/metal/raves etc. Old friend (and tbh all of DH's old school/village friends) is very straightlaced, traditional family man, conservative with both a big and small C haha. Nowt wrong with that but very much not me/us.

There is no way we would socialise with the two groups together and I just don't generally mention anything to do with politics etc when we meet his old friends. It's perfectly OK to have separate friendship groups and you don't need to include everyone in everything!

You'd ruin the vibe of the evening for everyone else if youbrought along someone they don't know and they're unlikely to get on with. That would be so rude to the rest of the group.

Sounds like a dick. I'd be pissed if a friend brought someone who's 'a bit daily mail', and would assume said friend must also be an ignorant racist too.

I would be annoyed if a friend dropped out of an event we had planned and landed the rest of the group with some pain in the butt.

You could offer her the ticket but not the group experience as it's not up to you to make that offer, or do what you are doing and try to hand back/resell in a different way.

Oh sorry my bad I see you are still going. But yes if you take her, you go with her solo.

She'd probably think your friends are a bunch of wankers but she might be able to realise that people have different opinions and that's ok. Your friends sound like they are very closed minded. I'd offer the ticket.

No the Daily Mail say a a man is a man shock horror

Yes, it's very important that everyone give ear to the priceless insights encapsulated by the Daily Mail.

You can sell the ticket on Twickets. Secure fan-to-fan ticket selling site.

Wish l hadn't mentioned the Daily Mail now!

She's not a racist, she's not rightwing ( her sister works for the NHS and she is very anti-tory ) she's an intellegent, opinionated person who's life experiences have led her to a set of conclusions that are rather different from the group we'd be meeting for a meal before the gig. After a drink or two she challenges views she doesn't agree with. So do they. It could go on a bit so it seems to me the best thing to do would be to give the whole thing a swerve as per the advice from most of the thread.

Thanks everyone!

Is your friend likely to strike up a debate about whatever it is that you think makes her a bigot or would she just be going along to enjoy watching a band?

@Fireworkgrannyblanket why are your friends opinions wrong and the other friends correct?
It's a shame nobody can have a friendly difference of opinion nowadays without someone shrieking bigot or gammon or whatever

She's not a bigot! I'm not sure where you got that from.

We have differing views on a lot of stuff and when we go out just the two of us we talk about that stuff sometimes. I think one of the reasons she likes me is that l can argue without getting offended. The group we'd be meeting with are more like me than her view-point-wise. So for example we're going to meet up at a vegan restaurant and she thinks veganism is really unhealthy.

It's not a case of wanting to bin her off as she's worse than Hitler. We've been mates all the way from reception to sixth form college! I value her friendship. I just want a chill evening where no-one gets overly het up on this occasion so l think l'll not offer her the ticket.

Sell the ticket!

Sorted!

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