Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To offer ticket to contentious friend

117 replies

Fireworkgrannyblanket · 27/02/2024 12:36

More of a WWYD really -

I'm going with a bunch of mates to see a band in a nearby city next month and DP can't come, so l've got a spare ticket. It's an hour or so on the train to get there, and we're going to get some food beforehand - so not a quick meet-at-the-venue-few-pints-and-home-again sort of do.

My issue is this - l've a friend who likes the band and would come if l offered her the ticket but who wouldn't gel with the rest of the people going. I've known her since we were kids and she's very good hearted but a bit Daily Mail in some of her opinions and the rest of the group are from my uni and far more woke. I don't want to spend the evening arguing but l feel bad not inviting her as l now have a spare ticket! I'm going round and round in my head over this so be brutal and help me!

OP posts:
Rubbishconfession · 27/02/2024 12:38

Is a 'bit Daily Mail' code for racist? If yes, YABU. Associating with racist friends makes you as bad as them.

ItsVeryHyacinthBucket · 27/02/2024 12:44

Can you not imagine an evening where people with different political views can act like adults and get along well enough to enjoy a band they all like?

If not you need to get better friends.

Allfur · 27/02/2024 12:45

It'll make for a more spicy evening!

Spirallingdownwards · 27/02/2024 12:47

Can't imagine someone who is described as a bit Daily Mail is good hearted.

Is she really that bad that she would spout that kind of nonsense in front of people she doesn't know? If yes then why do you even have her as a friend?

Smoor · 27/02/2024 12:48

ItsVeryHyacinthBucket · 27/02/2024 12:44

Can you not imagine an evening where people with different political views can act like adults and get along well enough to enjoy a band they all like?

If not you need to get better friends.

I don't want to go and see a band with a tabloid-reading rightwinger. Shoot me.

MaggieFS · 27/02/2024 12:49

It's tricky and good to think about what's right, but you also have to do the right thing by the group with whom you've already agreed to go. If the addition of this friend would spoil the evening for everyone else, then it's perhaps not the right thing and you see her separately.

Is there anyone else additional to the original group or partners who could take the spare ticket?

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 27/02/2024 12:50

I’d message the uni group and say you have a spare ticket, someone might have a partner or sibling they would like to invite.

or see if you can sell the ticket back to the venue and get your money back.

perhaps this is time to question why you are friends with someone who’s views are so extreme you are worried they will be offensive in public and embarrass you.

Original poster
Fireworkgrannyblanket · 27/02/2024 12:51

She's not a racist! Definitely not. It's more that she doesn't really believe that stress or anxiety is a reason for time off work and people could afford to buy their own houses if they drank less coffee - that sort of thing.

She likes to argue/discuss things, but she can be a bit like a dog with a bone once she gets onto a topic.

OP posts:
EmailMyHeart · 27/02/2024 12:51

I’m curious about this band that counts Daily Mail readers and woke types among their fans.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 27/02/2024 12:53

Is daily mail like guardian where they say a man is a woman etc?

shoppingshamed · 27/02/2024 12:55

ItsVeryHyacinthBucket · 27/02/2024 12:44

Can you not imagine an evening where people with different political views can act like adults and get along well enough to enjoy a band they all like?

If not you need to get better friends.

Presumably the OP knows that it isn't going to be an evening like that or this thread would be unnecessary

I'd probably not invite her if there's a real risk she'll cause bad feeling on the night, not fair on the other attendees

HoHoHoliday · 27/02/2024 12:55

Could you offer your friend the ticket but arrange to meet her at the venue? Explain to her that you are having a university reunion beforehand and say what time to meet at the venue.

Stupidliefromfriend · 27/02/2024 12:56

I'd take the stress free option and offer it into the group to sell to partners etc

YouDidntEvenAskIfSheWasThereMoriarty · 27/02/2024 12:57

Is it seated or standing?

If it's standing, just meet her at doors. By the time you've got a drink and found a good spot, the first band will have started. That leaves very little time to get into political debates.

Mannikin · 27/02/2024 12:59

Fireworkgrannyblanket · 27/02/2024 12:51

She's not a racist! Definitely not. It's more that she doesn't really believe that stress or anxiety is a reason for time off work and people could afford to buy their own houses if they drank less coffee - that sort of thing.

She likes to argue/discuss things, but she can be a bit like a dog with a bone once she gets onto a topic.

As someone who’s had a prolonged period off work with mental health problems and a couple of mental health hospital admissions I have to say I find this view genuinely rathe offensive- to dismiss mental health issues as valid in this way is (I think) ablist and potentially very damaging.

I would struggle to be friends with someone with this perspective and wouldn’t see them as good hearted. Neither would I wish to spend an evening with them. I wouldn’t invite her in your shoes - but I probably wouldn’t be friends with her either.

Original poster
Fireworkgrannyblanket · 27/02/2024 12:59

To be honest, we've been friends since primary school when we lived in the same village but if we met now l'm not sure that we'd click in the same way. She's a very kind person who'd do anything for you and l feel like a really shit friend for having doubts but l tend to see her on my own and she sometimes comes out with stuff that makes me wince, so l'm a bit dubious about throwing her in with my college crowd who are also quite outspoken but in the other direction, if you see what l mean!

OP posts:
Jasmin1971 · 27/02/2024 13:01

Maybe just ask one of the other uni mates if they know anyone who would like the spare. Then don't post on social media anything from the gig so the other friend is none the wiser.

toomuchfaff · 27/02/2024 13:13

Definitely a path of least resistance here... the old friend doesn't need to know you had a spare ticket, she isn't in the same circle of friends, she doesn't share anything with the group you are going ergo i'd not invite her. That doesn't mean i value her less as a friend - it just means i keep my circles separate for whatever reason.
Sell the ticket elsewhere. Enjoy the event.

Arrange a separate get together with friend

BeakyBlinders · 27/02/2024 13:16

I wouldnt invite her, go with your gut. I'd ask one of the others who are going if they know anyone who would like the ticket. Your friend would never know there was one spare.

yeahiknoww · 27/02/2024 13:21

It's not worth the risk to an evening that everyone is looking forward to

FirstTimeMum897 · 27/02/2024 13:32

If you know two groups of friends won't get along, don't force them together, it'snot even about her. You don't owe anyone a free ticket. Its strange to be tieing yourself in knots over something she doesn't even know about.

Original poster
Fireworkgrannyblanket · 27/02/2024 13:37

Not that strange if you're me! I overthink everything ...

OP posts:
Original poster
Fireworkgrannyblanket · 27/02/2024 13:45

This thread has been helpful, though. DP's already offered the spare ticket on the group wassap but the official resale site looks like a good idea.

I have a general guilty feeling about Old Friend as l know she'd like to do a lot more stuff together since l moved back into the area but l can't handle meeting up more than a few times a month as my head needs to be in the right place to spend time with her.

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 27/02/2024 13:50

l can't handle meeting up more than a few times a month as my head needs to be in the right place to spend time with her.

even more reason to not invite her.

saraclara · 27/02/2024 13:55

Why would you inflict this person on friends that you know would have their evening spoiled by her presence? Being kind to her is being unkind to the rest of the group. That makes no sense to me.