My inverted nipple is ruining my life

[Jazminlovestheflowers]

I have one inverted nipple and it really looks extremely ugly. It's the worst grade you can get plus if it is forced out ... with alot of force ... its not even a nipple it's kind of split in two. It's so so horrible.
I'm even embarrassed to be typing this.
I havent shown anyone my breasts without a bra on in about 16 years and that was my ex husband.
I have recently started dating a man and things got physical after a few wines the other night and I really fancy him, felt really comfortable around him.
We started getting undressed and I was telling myself you can do this... he took my bra off and I could visibly see a look of horror on his face. Anyway we slept together with me feeling so awkward and embarrassed, it was like I wanted the ground to swallow me up.
Anyway afterwards he seemed really wierd, i left , we made small talk , he was polite, weve messaged a little bit since , but hes not the same ..... it's my nipple isnt it?
I have looked into getting inverted nipple correction but I just cant afford to spend that money on myself atm as a single parent things are really tight money wise atm.
I have looked at getting it pierced but after messaging a local piercing place they said because it's so inverted and split... they won't do it 😭 I hate it so much I can barely look at myself in the mirror.
AIBU to just accept I'm never ever going to be able to sleep with anyone ever again?!

I don't want make light of your issue, because it obviously bothers you, and that's fine.

For a different perspective, I've had one inverted nipple since I was 18 ( I'm now 47) and I have never found a guy who had an issue with it.

Sure, I've had guys who have never seen one before, but none that have had any kind of a negative reaction once I casually said "Oh, it's an inverted nipple."

In fact, most of them have found it quite endearing, and developed a soft spot for that nipple over the other one.

A horrified reaction from a man is ridiculous, and reflects more on him than it does you or your inverted nipple.

❤️

There used to be something called nipplette that you could use at home to fix inverted nipples. Not sure if this still exists.

Both mine are inverted. I didn’t realise until I went for my first post 50 routine mammogram and the radiographer asked if they’d always been inverted.

I’m sorry this is a problem for you, but it’s really not so big a deal, so please don’t let it spoil your (love) life.
I had inverted nipples, and I know that one of my adult daughters has. A couple of sexual partners of mine noticed and mentioned it, but were not bothered so I never really worried. We all have our little physical quirks. When I became a mother that sorted the problem: after breastfeeding 5 babies you could hang mugs on my nipples now!
My DD seems not to be bothered, has had two long term relationships (one still ongoing and marriage on the cards) and doesn’t seem to be too concerned by it either.

OP, I've just done a search in order to see what an inverted nipple of the worst grade looks like. I've seen it before in 2 ex-partners (Iesbian) and never thought nothing of it... they were just nipples.

Is it possible he just had never seen inverted nipples before? Is it possible you were very clearly uncomfortable and he was just bemused by the sudden tense atmosphere? Maybe you can be direct and talk about it and see how it goes. If he cares about you having an inverted nipple than he is not a very nice man! It really isn't ugly at all. At all.

That ^^

I think everyone has something unique about them. I have scarring from a skin condition that causes abscesses. Anyone worth bothering with hasn't batted an eyelid at it

Flip it the other way and imagine it was on a man... would you be bothered? I wouldn't

Also just had a Google (glad I wasn't the only one). None of the photos I saw looked awful, at all, I wouldn't give it a second though if I was with someone with an inverted nipple. I suppose I might find it interesting but certainly not off putting. I think we tend to be much more crticial of ourselves than other people are of us. They're usually too worried about their own self perceived short comings.

sorry to hear you feel so insecure about this. It’s ok to keep your top or bra on if you prefer during sex if it makes you more confident. Or try these on just that nipple (I thought these were particularly cute and kinda want some!) Go easy on your body, this is a difference that bothers you but it’s not ‘wrong’, your body’s beautiful…just style it out :)

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/305389187842?var=604317504924&mkevt=1&mkcid=1&mkrid=710-53481-19255-0&campid=5338365712&toolid=20006&customid=EB190009272&

I knew mine were different from each other obviously but had no idea one was grade 3 inverted until I went to begin breastfeeding my first child and the LC pointed it out. Truly, truly, nobody worth being with is going to be the slightest bit put off by it!

I have inverted nipples, despite having many partners before DH I didn’t realise I had them until I struggled with breast feeding and a curt breastfeeding nurse advisor told me ‘of course you are struggling with feeding with those nipples!’.

I guess this is your own particular hang-up about your body, try and relax it’s unlikely a problem and doesn’t make you any less attractive.

What's the best nipple? Inverted or huge pointy nipples, or the whole range in between, if you start to look too much none of them are much better than someone else's are they?

I too had to google. I've been with a man who had one. Didn't even realise until I googled the image.

Not making light of what is such a huge thing to you, but I really don't think it's as awful as you think. But I am sorry you feel as bad about it as you do.

If it bothers you a lot can you not save up for cosmetic surgery? Even if it takes a few years. How much does it cost, have you looked into it?

I used to have a really big sticky out mole on my back that I was so ashamed of.
whenever I had sex I always kept a vest on and if a partner went near that area I’d flinch and get upset because I hated it so much.

I changed my attitude and thought if we are going to do something as intimate as have sex and we’ve got this far then if it puts him off it’s doing me a big favour because I don’t want to be with a man that shallow anyway! I stopped being apologetic and shy and styled it out like a boss bitch 😂. A couple of men asked and I said it was my nubbin which always got a laugh and broke the tension.

I did end up getting it removed in the end which I appreciate is easy from a medical perspective as it’s just frozen off and didn’t cost anything but psychologically it was hard as I have a phobia of needles. It did give me a bit more confidence but I can honestly say if it’d cost me a lot of money I’d have left it.

We all have body hang ups - stretch marks, wobbly bits, acne scars, psoriasis, receding hairlines, different amounts of body hair etc…
No one looks like an actor in a porn video in real life but if you are close enough to have sex then it honestly shouldn’t matter. I’ve learned over the years that men are as paranoid as women are about these things. I’ve also had relationships with women and I wouldn’t care at all about an inverted nipple.

Please don’t let this eat away at you, it’s 100% not going to be as much of an issue for anyone else as it is for you. There is honestly nothing more sexy then confidence and a sense of humour, if you with the right person they won’t be bothered about it. People have breasts all different sizes and shapes it’s completely normal, I know how hard it is when you have a body hang up but I’m sure there is a LOT more to you then just your nipples xx

Just have the surgery but for your personal development speak to him about it.

Why did you allow intimacy with a man you didn’t feel comfortable with in the first place? Had you felt loved and secure in the first place, you could have discussed it before sex.

Instead you forced yourself into it, and the weirdness was undoubtedly because you were so self conscious.
Nect time protect yourself more carefully, choose a loving man that loves all of you op, then your experience should create more closeness, not less.

Did you tell him before taking your clothes off that you have an inverted nipple and you feel self-conscious about it? Might be a good idea another time. I’m sure there’s nothing objectively wrong with how it looks but if he wasn’t expecting it (and maybe hadn’t seen one before or know what it is, or that it’s a normal variation) he might have been a bit taken aback just that it’s different to what he’s expecting.

It’s up to you of course, but I don’t agree with posters saying you should get surgery. Self-acceptance is cheaper and a lot less risky. I hope the posters saying they’ve had lovers with inverted nipples and it wasn’t an issue for them help you to feel better about it x

You really only have two options don’t you?

make peace with it

save up for the surgery

any other form of worrying in between is a waste of your precious time!

I think you really don't need to feel embarrassed about it but you obviously do and that's ok, you're entitled to feel how you like. Inverted nipples are very common and I suspect it was your uncomfortable attitude that he was reading into rather than the nipple.
Might it be an idea to tell someone you're about to be intimate with about it beforehand? As you're reaching the bra removal stage you could say ',just to let you know, one of my nipples is inverted which means it looks a little different to usual but don't worry, it's otherwise just a nipple '

In the nicest way possible, I suspect it was how you were acting that probably affected the man you slept with. If you were feeling awkward, it would have shown all over you. He probably didn't care about the nipped. Boobs are boobs to guys. They won't notice/care about half the things we care about our own bodies.
Were you trying to cover your breasts, acting shy, looking awkward? This would have been the only turn off for my husband, I expect.
Have you considered some kind of talking therapy about it? We all have hang ups about our body, so I understand how you feel, but possibly talking to someone will help.

I’ve also just done research! I am bisexual and I’ve seen this before as well.

I definitely wasn’t “horrified” by this. Not at all!

OP: don’t feel bad about it! This isn’t worse than my stretch marks. Or when people some cellulite etc. Perfectly normal and definitely not “gross” or “horrifying”!

@Jazminlovestheflowers sorry the experience didn't go as you hoped. As PPs have said, it may have been you were acting a little odd around showing your nipple and also, due to your hang-up, interpreted his reaction as disgust. I've looked at inverted nipple photos and none of them looked awful to me, just a bit unusual. I think your mistake was not casually mentioning it to him before you got naked so he wasn't surprised/curious.

You're blaming your nipple on his change but admit to being "awkward and embarrassed" during sex, which isn't sexy or attractive. I think it was your behaviour that's caused the issue, not him seeing your nipple.

I have high grade inverted nipples. They were so sore when it was cold! I had them both pierced when I was 20, I think it cost £30 each. Best thing I ever did. They lie flat now and occasionally come fully out!

Id find a different sexual partner and piercer.

Op, there's nothing horrifying about this at all. Its just different, we're all different.. there's no one definition of normal in terms of nipples.

If he's got a problem with it then he's clearly not the one for you but I do think your heightened anxiety was probably part of the reason things felt tense afterwards.

Personally, with something atypical like this, I would tell partners in advance of them seeing it.