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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I BU to leave the pub after being told off by the manager?

575 replies

EmptyTheFrickingBins · 25/02/2024 23:26

I had booked a table for a group of seven people to celebrate a Ruby wedding anniversary. On arrival to the pub we found the table with our reservation and sat down to wait for the rest of party - this was at 4:30 which was our booked time.

Three other guests were already seated at the table and there was no indication that any other table had been reserved for us.

My parents - who are both elderly and disabled - arrived and I returned to the table with them where we asked the other guests if they'd be happy to share-- there would have been room and we couldn't move because the only free tables were for four or under. This was at 4:45 and we had been waiting for them to finish.

They reacted in a very angry way and stormed off from the table and must have informed the staff on the way out.

I just want to be clear - at no point where we rude or demanding.

We were viewing the menu when a manager in a pink top came over to the table and told us rudely that we shouldn't have asked the other guests to move (again - at no point did we do this), that another table had been reserved for us and we should have spoken to the staff - again none of this was indicated, and only the one table had our name on it!

I felt extremely embarrassed by the interaction - we sat at the table in good faith as it had the reserved sign on with our name.

The woman's attitude was awful and spoiled the night - we ended up leaving because we no longer felt welcome - everyone was looking at us as she told us off!

OP posts:
AGoingConcern · 26/02/2024 02:23

I honestly can't figure out why you went to sit at the table with the other guests and talk to them directly instead of just letting staff know so they could handle it.

Do you know how you felt embarrassed after the manager spoke to you? Consider that your choice caused the other customers to feel that same embarrassment & discomfort, and it was all unnecessary.

You were within your rights to leave if you were no longer happy spending your time & money there for whatever reason, but this was a situation of your own making.

Rubbishconfession · 26/02/2024 02:27

Reminds me when a random family of adults asked to join our table of 6 at Nando’s. I said not very eloquently ‘I mean well you can but I don’t think that’s done here’. They were so serious and earnest. And thankfully left a bit later when they spotted a table.

Pippa12 · 26/02/2024 02:28

It was likely they had arranged an alternative table for you because the other party had not finished.

The table cannot of been ‘laid out ready for you’ as there was people sat at it.

The staff couldn’t show you to the correct table because you didn’t tell them you had arrived.

The reservation ticket has likely been left on the table in error, which shouldn’t be an issue as nobody in their right mind would plonk themselves down at an occupied table.

Why didn’t you take a seat with your Mother in the bar area?

You will get offered vouchers etc and your complaint will be addressed with the ‘sincerest apologies’ because that’s the blanket response to all complaints, valid or not. However, your complaint will raise eyebrows at every level and go down as bat shit crazy. The manager in the pink top will add it to her (very long!) list of hilarious hospitality stories.

MissTrip82 · 26/02/2024 02:39

Your behaviour was quite odd, of course you would approach the staff if you arrived to find a table with your name on it occupied. There's clearly been a mixup but it's not for the patrons to sort out, its a staff issue.

It's a shame you let the evening be spoilt for your elderly parents.

Divastrout · 26/02/2024 02:40

OP had chosen her Hill! And as @CatamaranViper previously said after eyeballing them for 15mins, she decided to take back control. Her unusual surname was on that table and rather than use her words, she decided to plonk herself on that table.
After the lady in pink chastised her there was no option other than to leave!!

wordler · 26/02/2024 02:41

You behaved so oddly - why didn’t you check in with a member of staff as soon as you saw other people sitting at what you thought was your reserved table?

PansyOatZebra · 26/02/2024 02:44

Tbh I think your actions were odd. I’d have asked a staff member to clarify which table was yours.

RantyAnty · 26/02/2024 02:48

It is truly bizarre you would do that.

Have you not been to a restaurant before?

Imagebrand · 26/02/2024 02:54

The only time I would sit at a table with other guests is if it was particularly busy and there were no other seats. Eg a bar at Sunday midday where there’s so many people crammed in that lots are stood up. In that situation a seat is first come, first served!

However if I was going somewhere when I have a table reserved, I’d check with staff which table I should go to especially if I’m first to arrive. If there’s guests in my table, I’d take it upon myself to speak to staff and get it sorted out before the rest of my party arrives especially if it’s a large booking. People move around those cards with reservation names on all the time. Especially in lower cost establishments. Sometimes I get to a restaurant at the booking time and my table isn’t ready - it’s fine to give them time to prepare imo (and they usually give a free drink for the inconvenience!)

Mothership4two · 26/02/2024 03:05

A couple of our local pubs write names on the tables. I would have checked with staff first if there was someone still at the table and woudl not have asked to sit down. It's usually policy (around here) to let diners know when their table is later booked from so that they know they have to move off. It was a misunderstanding but wouldn't be happy to be spoken to rudely by their staff. I am surprised you stood around for 15 minutes with no members of staff asking why.

BadLad · 26/02/2024 03:24

A pink top? I can't be the only one imagining Umbridge.

Agree with (almost) everyone else - the correct thing to do would have been to inform the staff that you had arrived. If they asked you to wait, that was the time to explain that your elderly parents needed to sit down, and could they find somewhere for them to sit until the table became available.

Was I BU to leave the pub after being told off by the manager?
VashtaNerada · 26/02/2024 03:28

I actually don’t think you were being unreasonable. It’s a pub, not a restaurant. Staff don’t seat you, you just rock up to the table with your name on and sit down. I think you were very polite for offering to share rather than saying, “sorry, I think this one might be ours.” Manager should have spoken to the other guests to point out the reserved sign and make it clear they had to leave at a certain time. Then if they refused to leave on time, found you another table and moved the sign. I wonder if some of the people who have said YABU aren’t used to eating in a pub.

JanglingJack · 26/02/2024 04:00

Ooh. The classic Hungry Horse seating ruckus... It's what AIBU was made for.

Of course YWBU. Kudos for admitting it was a Hungry Horse eatery though. You know, where the average age of staff is 17. Goodness me, hilariously out of order.

Ladybyrd · 26/02/2024 04:17

It doesn't matter if they'd finished. You don't do that - you wait to be seated or speak to the staff. While it may have had a reserved sign, I think you're stretching it to say the table had your name on it - I've never seen that in any restaurant. Even if it did, it was for the staff to sort out, not you.

Treehuggingmutherfunkin · 26/02/2024 04:28

They were sitting there talking cutting into your hour, I provably wouldn't have approached them but would have informed staff to tell them to move

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/02/2024 04:29

KnowledgeableMomma · 26/02/2024 01:54

YABU. Once you saw that there were people at your reserved table, you should have immediately found a staff member. You took a mole hill and turned this into a mountain, my friend.

Once you had found a staff member, they would have apologized that your original table had been moved and shown you to the new correct table.

You are using the young children and your disabled parents as an excuse for your poor behavior. If you parents are disabled to the point that standing for a few minutes are taxing, they/you should have brought a mobility aid (cane/walker/wheelchair). This is just common sense anywhere they are going.

I am disabled. Taking a mobility aid would not be helpful to me. I need to be accommodated.

Ladyj84 · 26/02/2024 04:35

Your clearly not getting that it's fairly usual to ask a member of staff about your table first. Unfortunately the only rude one i see was yourself and behaviour. I would never have sat down regardless if there was people there or not we always ask first. Feel sorry for the people you moved on spoiling there evening. It's not abnormal to sit and chat and have a few drinks after a meal. In this situation when we book for family we go a few minutes earlier, ask where table is then everyone pops to it as they come in so nobody is stood waiting about for it.

bert3400 · 26/02/2024 04:39

This is so bizarre....I guess you have never worked in a restaurant as this is totally unacceptable. Why when you saw the table occupied didn't you talk to a member of staff . You don't just sit at someone's table and basically bully them to leave ...no matter at what stage of the meal they are at . You were out of order and I'm not surprised the manager had words with you.

malmi · 26/02/2024 04:46

I will say in fairness to the OP and to answer the question that no she was not being unreasonable to leave the pub and I'm sure the bar manager lost no sleep over that particular element of the saga

ElderlyPerson · 26/02/2024 05:05

Ladybyrd · 26/02/2024 04:17

It doesn't matter if they'd finished. You don't do that - you wait to be seated or speak to the staff. While it may have had a reserved sign, I think you're stretching it to say the table had your name on it - I've never seen that in any restaurant. Even if it did, it was for the staff to sort out, not you.

In many pubs you are expected find your own table without checking in - the table reserved for you has your name on it.

And the people already seated must have been aware that it was reserved.

However I agree with you and everyone else that the sensible thing to do would be to approach the staff and leave them to sort it out.

MaybeImbad · 26/02/2024 05:09

Sorry your evening didn’t turn out as planned OP.

I think that if this is a pub where you’d normally just find the table with your name on and sit at it, the problem is that you didn’t adjust your thinking when you saw there were already people sitting there. In that instance the reasonable thing would have been to approach a member of staff to check - they would have then either shown you to another table they had prepared, asked you to wait on a couple of smaller tables while they asked the people seated at yours to finish up/move to a smaller table, or checked there was room for both parties to share and explained this to the other group.

so yes, I’m afraid I think yabu. No one should have been rude to you - it’s hard to tell from your post if they were or not though and walking out of a planned Ruby wedding celebration does seem quite a big reaction. But I’m sorry your meal didn’t turn out as you planned and hope you still got to celebrate somewhere else.

transformandriseup · 26/02/2024 05:11

I wonder if some of the people who have said YABU aren’t used to eating in a pub.

We often eat in our local pub and you can seat yourself and they write your name on the table. I would still have spoken to a member of staff if someone was already sat there though and let the staff handle the situation.

Shoxfordian · 26/02/2024 05:14

Yabu, you should have asked a member of staff where your table was, not plonked yourself down regardless. Were you early? Maybe thats why people were there when you got there

Nimbus1999 · 26/02/2024 05:18

I definitely would not have sat at the table where people were still sitting! Would have been normal to explain the situation to staff and let them sort it out. I would have felt very uncomfortable if I were the other guests!

rwalker · 26/02/2024 05:19

I think you were incredibly rude and probably ruined the other peoples meal

this was up to the staff to sort you should of asked them

I would of been very pissed off if I was the other people