To lose my temper at MIL

[SwordToFlamethrower]

A while ago, we decided to give MIL the benefit of the doubt. She helped us out with IVF and has been trying her best to be nice after years of being rude, offensive, and judgmental towards me.

We've welcomed her into our home and she enjoys her new granddaughter.

Last time she visited at Christmas, she voiced her "concerns" that I was still breastfeeding my DD who was 13 months old, saying that there is no nutritional value and that cow's milk is better. This went on for half an hour and instead of getting angry, we calmly explained how she was wrong and milk has health benefits for 2 years and more if both mother and baby are still happy to do it. This was while she was sat right next to me as I was nursing.

Other things happened during that 3 day visit too, but I held myself in check to be nice. But I was very glad when she left.

Fast foward to last night and MIL phoned to say hi. DH had the phone on loudspeaker as he was cooking and he whispered "shall I tell her?" And i whispered back, "ok what's the worst she can say?"

So DH told MIL that I'd just had a miscarriage.

Well, I did say what's the worst she could say, didn't I?

The first thing out of her mouth was "oh no! Well you know it probably happened because OP is STILL breastfeeding".

I lost it at that point and told her that her comments were rude, offensive and wrong.

She said she was just being "dispassionate" about it.

I said we never asked for her to be dispassionate, we told her because she is interested in our lives and thought she would be sympathetic. Not blame me for my own miscarriage because I'm still breastfeeding!

After another half an hour on the phone, she finally backed down and apologised.

I'm typing on my phone so I can't open a poll, sorry!

AIBU to grey rock her from now on

Or should I have known better and expected her to say something awful, therefore it isn't her fault?

No, you are.

Btw your "truth" is not incontrovertible.

Which posters have pointed out repeatedly, but you just keep ignoring and continuing on like you're a mad woman.

Do you think she's an anti vaxxer too?

Inability to understand anything that's not black and white. Not intelligent enough.

saying that there is no nutritional value and that cow's milk is better

I'm trying to work out who's dumber .... Tuna or your MIL; it's a tie, I think.

No idea.

In fairness though, many people do struggle to understand scientific papers. Or they believe that a single published finding is definitive rather than generally only being a single block in the wall of knowledge. They also frequently don't have the expertise to determine whether a study has been designed rigorously or not. Peer review is no guarantee of that.

No, the way you're badgering a grieving mother and blaming her for the loss of her baby is gross.

The sooner people like you realise that you don't need to force your opinions on other people, especially when it will hurt them very much, the sooner this world will be a nicer place.

MN can't you ban people for acting like this? Purposely kicking a grieving mother when she's down?

I was quoting the above meta-analysis' which are studies which look at other studies in order to ascertain a broader view than just one traditional study.

What your IVF clinic recommends has no relevance.

For her to say that (and I very much doubt she’s done a ton of research on ebf links to miscarriage, let’s face it) is simply shitty. You say she was fussing about your breastfeeding anyway, which is fuck all to do with her, tbf, so I’d go grey rock/lc/nc.

Op I’m so sorry for your loss. Your mil like a lot of people are ignorant. Breast feeding is very beneficial for infants. I used to get these comments , I fed my son til he was 2years old. It pissed me off. How thick to say cows milk , literally milk from another species(!) could be better for your child than milk from its own mother. It beggars belief.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to offer advice and support.

MIL rang DH earlier and apparently has done some self reflection and realised how rude and inappropriate she was. She has apologised and passed on her apologies to me.
(She has never apologised to me in person, but hey)

Grey rocking for now, but hopefully optomistic that this could be a turning point for MIL.

She has admitted to putting her foot in it so has an opportunity to change and grow.

Hope so!

I really hope so OP, and sorry for your loss.

YTA