To be so flabbergasted by my husbands response to me asking him to get a vasectomy.

[Mumsgotaheadache01]

I've recently lost our 4th baby. Ive had 3 previous miscarriages. With 1 live birth, Of our very young child who has additional needs and was born with a birth defect. Was an IVF pregnancy. I have pcos, fibroids, fluid in pelvis the list goes on. And have only recently stopped breastfeeding our child. I really don't want to go on hormones for birth control as I don't want to mess up my hormones and my body anymore. I suffer enough and have had all number of procedures, tests, examinations, surgical procedures, scans and hormones pumped into my body. I just want to be left alone. I've been injured while giving birth very traumatically, many stitches, hemorrhaged etc. We don't have sex often for many reasons. Mainly being I'm exhausted from being mummy and in pain a lot. When we do it's lovely and I do love my husband very much. But this evening I asked him if he would think about getting a vasectomy. So we can enjoy our sex life again in the knowledge I won't get pregnant and have a miscarriage or another baby. Before I could even put to him my point of view he flat out refused. And said "I wouldn't put myself through that". I am just completely shocked by how selfish that is. It's upset me so much. Aibu to be flabbergasted or should I just calm down and try a see this from his point of view.

So you think OP should put her body through even more because her husband might get depressed?
If he got depressed surely then he could get help for that too.
But no, let's make a woman who's already been through endless procedures suffer more.
By the way it's much quicker and generally better recovery time if a man has a vasectomy than if a woman gets sterilised.

Again, there is no reverse to this. There is no male equivalent to what OP has been through.

This

Who has used his next wife as an excuse? He didnt he aaked what his wife did,only to be left and also loose his child only to have him on the weekends. For all other women he is in a friend zone

ops husband is realistic, he knows how being infertile would affect him and his opinion of himself, why does op get sumpathy for having to have ivf and not being able to carry a child,but a man dosent get any sympathy for not wanting to make himself infertile? Its not his fault that due to his physiology operation is faster for him

op is being overly dramatic,its an outpatient operation, if she needed appendix removed tomorrow what would she do then? Or any other operation-did op not say she has fibroids,sometimes these need to be removed,sign her man up again?

@banananas1999 you are projecting massively.

The OPs husband didn't refuse because he wants more children in the future. His reason was because he doesn't want to put his body through the procedure.

You have added a whole narrative around future partners, future wives etc. it's fiction, something you've made up.

You also seem to think that all men would be looking to start a new family should their relationship break down. While we all know men can have children into old age, but how many actually do?
I know loads of men who have remarried in their 50s and 60s and none of them have had children in these situations. I'm not saying it doesn't happen but I don't think it's as common as you are making out.

Even men are allowed bodily autonomy. Even men.

Is it not his body his choice or does that saying only apply to women

@banananas1999 you also seem to only care about the OPs husband and his feelings.
There's no concern for the OP at all.

Ops husband = realistic
OP = overly dramatic.

I think you might just be a misogynist.

@ElaineMBenes That was his knee jerk response. I'm betting that there's a whole stack of layers to unpack underneath that.

Hear hear. The thread is full of it. And the sad thing is, the women don’t know they are doing it.

I don't think a man should be pressurised into a vasectomy if he doesn't want one.

So many women tying themselves in knots making up excuses for why he couldn't even discuss a vasectomy. Unbelievable.

Hear hear

I don't have children. I have a great life.

’ops husband is realistic, he knows how being infertile would affect him and his opinion of himself,’

Sorry I missed where the Op said this. Can you find it for me? Thanks.

Not projecting at all- i know 3 guys who are in their 50s and had babies last year

Why is everyone raising bodily autonomy? Of course he has a choice, the OP hasn't said she's planning on marching him down to the clinic. He can do what he wants with his body, but the OP can be disappointed in his decision, and re-evaluate her relationship as a result. His choice says a lot about him and how he values the OP, I completely respect his choice to not do it, but I encourage the OP to recognise what this means for their relationship, I couldn't be with a man who thought of me in this way.

as women are having children later on so are men, wasnt it in the news women in late 40s and early 50s have had babies refently?

Yeah, I'm not going to sacrifice my health to facilitate my DHs hypothetical midlife crisis. Babies in their 50s, honestly.

To be fair, having a surgical sterilisation in OP's situation (baby, recent miscarriage) is really, really not recommended. People's thoughts and feelings about fertility can change a lot.

Aaaaaand there we have it. The projection.

In the case of most MNs, yes it’s only women who have that choice.

Absolutely.

Thats you tho,women often dont have that option to have a baby in 50s anyway