Wedding problems?

[Happyandglorious98]

Name changed for this.

my boyfriends sister is getting married at the end of the year she offered to pay for all the men’s kilts now my son didn’t get mentioned so I asked my partner if my son was to wear a kilt as the rest of the nephews had one.
she said it would be better but she would not be paying for this so my partner offered to pay for this and he has.

my daughter also today I found out all of her young nieces are either flower girls or bridesmaids no a thing has been mentioned regarding my daughter about her been anything at this wedding.

should I mention this to my partner or just leave it to be clear we are not each others biggest fans that’s a different story but surely you don’t use that excuse and leave the kids out?

Now the older kids are not bridesmaids at this wedding I would say all the kids under 9 are bridesmaids or flower girls expect from mine?

I feel absolutely raged at this I’m not sure what to do or say as I always end up the bad one and I understand it’s not my wedding and I don’t pick and choose but surely you don’t just leave a 5year old out and the rest be involved?

OP you started off saying 'boyfriend' and then changed to 'partner'. How long have you been together, do you live together with your kids as a blended family?
Are all the other kids blood relations or step/half siblings by marriage?
How often do your kids see your DP's relatives?
Your kids have been invited to the wedding at least but it's difficult to say whether your feelings are justified without further context. If your children don't see her as an aunt for instance or haven't been involved in family events why do you think they'll even care about feeling 'left out'?

Are the dc your boyfriend's dc or have you and your boyfriend got together more recently ?

Boyfriend partner is the same thing to me we have been together 10 Years and yes we have been together for 10 years I don’t understand why that matters.

Everyone is blood related

Agree with PP. impossible to say without more context.

I always think with a wedding what the bride and groom wants, the bride and groom gets - it's their wedding! Though I wouldn't agree with unpleasantness. There's always going to be someone who doesn't agree with something.
Are your children also your bfs? How long have you been together - are you actually partners. What about the other nieces and nephews what is their relationship like with her? I ask this because this would in my opinion make a difference.

So all the children are her blood relatives and only two have been excluded?

Yes that's rubbish.

We have been together 10 years and yes he is the father of my 2 Children .

I suppose it depends on how long you have been together and whether the bride has a relationship with your children.

Edited - just read your response above, cross posted. Then yes, it does seem a bit unfair. But its her wedding. I would leave any discussion about this to your partner, it's his family.

OP the way you kept saying 'my kids' it looked like they weren't your DP's.
If they are blood related to the bride then YANBU.
What does your DP think about this?
Really. It's his children being left out surely he should be the one to kick up a fuss? Whether SIL likes you or not it created bad blood to single out relatives. Are the other parents all married?

I hate weddings- this thread reminds me why.

Well yeah they’re all included all the under 9s but the older ones around 15/16 are not included like the older nieces and nephews

I see my post crossed with your explanation OP. I think in that case, the big clue is your comment that you're not each others biggest fans. If you don't get on she may be being spiteful to you. But then have you upset her about something?

Families can be so complicated!

they are blood related they are her niece and nephew maybe i should have worded it more l!

If your DD would be the only niece who isn’t a bridesmaid of her age then I’d expect your partner to be saying something otherwise that will be hard for your DD to understand

Seems petty to leave yours out but I wouldn't make a fuss or let it get to me.

Just tell your kids "your aunt loves you, but not everyone gets to be involved in everything all of the time"

When you say she is paying for “all the men’s kilts” do you mean the males in the wedding party, so ushers, best man, pageboys? If your DS isn’t a pageboy then why would anyone be buying his outfit?

And if DD isn’t a bridesmaid/flower girl it’s again no big deal. It’s up to the bride who she wants.

You say you don’t get on with her, so she’s probably trying to avoid potential for conflict by not including you or your DC in wedding party.

Just go with a big smile and enjoy yourselves. It would be embarrassing to dress your children up the same as the pageboys/flower girls tbh.

one of the flower girls are in my house tonight and she’s been talking away showing my we girl white flower girl dresses and my we girl keeps asking if she can wear a white one and it breaks my heart she was telling her all the girls were away looking and trying dresses on today I feel like not even letting my kids go if there not involved as I would be taking my daughter and she’s left out I’m not ok with her feelings been hurt like that from her own family that’s just no happening.

i haven’t spoke to DP yet about this but I will be when the other child leaves

So they are his kids? Just to be clear here.

She doesnt like you/ him Then

Only thing I can assume, if it's just little ones and you have a poor relationship. Is that she doesn't think you would allow, consent, agree, to her having yours and she doesn't feel confident in her relationship with them to have them with Her?

Otherwise if she's a regular feature for them and a big part of their lives it seems strange.

Yes, it’s really nasty to exclude small children. And I don’t care if you and she don’t get along. They’re her DB’s kids too.

Yes it's shit. Other then not going I don't think there's anything you can do though. And I don't think you should try talk to her about it, it will just get ugly. Buy your daughter the most beautiful dress and take some wee treats for them both and they probably won't even notice they aren't in the wedding party.

Your DP seems to be very passive.
He asked about your son's kilt - at your instigation - then offered to pay.
Why is he not bothered by this at all. it's his sister after all?
Regarding you not getting on as an excuse. Well it depends.
We don't know why she doesn't like you. It could be just a personality clash in which case unfair to take it out on the kids. Or you could be stubborn and uncooperative meaning that she can't trust you to follow instructions without kicking up a fuss. And your DP isn't bothered so no help there.
Which is perfectly fair....

I agree, sounds like your boyfriend/their dad doesn't give a shit so why should she?

When did I say I would be dressing my kids up as pageboys or flower girls?

well I totally disagree with you I think it is a big deal when my daughter attends a wedding and she sees all her cousins and the rest of the family and the rest of the we girls with flower girl dresses and she’s the only one not of course that would hurt a little one!

and no I think she is been very spiteful.

The kilt thing. Just don't get him a kilt