Wedding problems?

[Happyandglorious98]

Name changed for this.

my boyfriends sister is getting married at the end of the year she offered to pay for all the men’s kilts now my son didn’t get mentioned so I asked my partner if my son was to wear a kilt as the rest of the nephews had one.
she said it would be better but she would not be paying for this so my partner offered to pay for this and he has.

my daughter also today I found out all of her young nieces are either flower girls or bridesmaids no a thing has been mentioned regarding my daughter about her been anything at this wedding.

should I mention this to my partner or just leave it to be clear we are not each others biggest fans that’s a different story but surely you don’t use that excuse and leave the kids out?

Now the older kids are not bridesmaids at this wedding I would say all the kids under 9 are bridesmaids or flower girls expect from mine?

I feel absolutely raged at this I’m not sure what to do or say as I always end up the bad one and I understand it’s not my wedding and I don’t pick and choose but surely you don’t just leave a 5year old out and the rest be involved?

I wouldn’t expect my dc to be in the wedding of anyone I wasn’t close to.

Have u read any of my posts?

I haven’t even voiced this to my boyfriend yet.

i was asking opinions first incase I was been wrong

he does give a shit actually reason he voiced about our son wearing kilt.

To be fair OP that’s the impression you gave with regards to getting a kilt for your son.

I am starting to see why the bride felt she had to sideline you to be honest…

Why don't you and SIL get on?

OP the way you kept saying 'my kids' it looked like they weren't your DP's.

Yes, this is why all the first posts were asking about this.

So, can you tell us who are being age boys / bridesmaids / flower girls ?
I mean, on the surface, it seems your SiL isn't being very nice at all, but who are all these other dc ?
Are your dp and his sister part of a big family ?
Are the other dc the same relation to the B&G as your dc are ?

We can't really say if YABU or not without context / detail.

I don’t want to go in to to much details but she likes to get involved in a lot of things that’s not her concern like my relationship

So which is it?

You are intending to dress your DS in a kilt the same as the males in the wedding party, or you aren’t?

That would be pretty crass when he’s a regular guest and even more unfair on DD. If you don’t get on with this woman, why do you even care what she thinks of you or your DC. Just let DP go with the children and stay home sulking.

No, you asked him whether your son was to wear a kilt. When SIL said it was 'better' your partner rolled over and offered to pay instead of asking her why your son wasn't included. I also don't understand what 'all the men' means is it those in the wedding party?
Is your son older than your daughter. So not included in the wedding party like the other older kids. However, those other older boys are getting kilts bought, but not your son?

Your partner should think to ask why BOTH his kids are excluded by himself. If you need to ask us whether you should ask him well then he clearly doesn't care enough or he would have asked her without needing your prompting!

I think this is really spiteful and I'd be upset too. Using kids to score points is horrible. Personally I would decline the invite and take the kids on a nice mini break somewhere instead.

I suspect DP knows exactly why his sister doesn’t like his partner and doesn’t want to inflame the situation further.

What does the sister say about your relationship then OP? How is she so well informed about it?

Either go or don't but it up to guests to complicate someone else's wedding

So his sister is getting married and having lots of relatives as bridesmaid /pageboy

But isn't having her niece and nephew

Yes that's sucks and needs the brother your partner to ask why if having anyone else under 9

page boy - her step son

flower girls - all the small kids from her sisters

bridesmaids - her daughters and sisters

each sister has at least one or two child under 9 and one around 16

the over 9s are no included.

So the bride has 3 sisters and 1 brother and just the brothers kids are left out (my kids) if that makes sense

all the children that are bridesmaids and flower girls are blood related to the bride

and I would say my DP and sister are part of a big family yes

Is it just that she's close to her sisters and not particularly close to her brother then?

My kids wouldn't be going to the wedding in these circumstances OP. I wouldn't put a 5yr old through that upset.

If the flower girls are wearing white can you get her a really beautiful princess style formal little girls dress in her favourite colour? She might not care so much if she's dressed up herself. Is your DP close to his parents, maybe he could mention to his mum how it's weird all the others are involved but yours isn't and see if she knows why.

Then it really sounds as though your children have been excluded from the wedding party because the bride finds you so difficult to deal with/doesn’t like you.

I have to say I would probably avoid including children of somebody I had a poor relationship with for such a special occasion.

I think you have to suck it up as the result of not getting on with her.

So she's picked her sisters dc because she's close to them. She has zero relationship with you by your own admission. The bride picks the flowers girls and page boys.

OP knows why. She said upthread that she doesn’t get on with the bride.

And her dp has picked his own son. You have no say over who's in her bridal party.

If you actively do not like each other, I'm not sure what you are expecting. It's HER special day. Why should she give time, energy and spend money on someone she finds difficult to deal with?

OP you're avoiding the question of why she dislikes you. You say she is interfering but that's still vague.
Even if she is closer to her sisters - all 3 of them vs her 1 brother - personally I think it's mean to exclude a small child.
Unless you have form for causing trouble.

No matter what she thinks of you, it's not nice for your daughter. Maybe just have your DP go to the wedding alone if she does not like you why will she care whether you're there or not. Again, all depends on context.

Well if i explain the full reason we don’t get on it’s a bit outing and obvious so I’m not going to answer that question whole point I changed my name .

Well OK then ask your DP. But leave it to him to sort.
Don't push or engage any further. He can also be the one to deal with your upset daughter.

He's your boyfriend but the biological father of your two pre-teens?

If you are so upset, just don't go.