Do you allow your 17-year-old to…

[Topray]

Have completely unrestricted and unsupervised phone access (so not even having to leave phone downstairs at nighttime)

Work part-time if still at school or college.

Learn to drive (either self-funded from wages or with parental help)

Travel in a car driven by a 17-year-old

Stay overnight at the home of a friend you do not know

Use public transport alone at night

Regulate their own sleep, even if this means getting out of bed at 3pm on a weekend

Stay home alone overnight or for multiple days

Be out and about without you know really knowing exactly where they are at any given moment

Yes
yes
yes
no - travel in car driven by 17 year old
no - stay overnight with unkjown
yes
no
no
no

Yes to all but letting him stay in bed until 3pm.

How do you expect them to move to college a year later and survive if they have not being allowed to learn to take care of themselves?

Yes to all, the only one that makes me slightly anxious is driving in their friends cars if they're not particularly sensible, I remember driving rather recklessly at that age (and even up until I had DC, I wasn't the most cautious driver!)
However this is an obstacle I'll face when I come to it, as I wouldn't want to limit their social interaction. They're also many years off being able to drive, both are still in primary!

Yes to all.

And what newspaper do you work for OP?

Yes to all of it.

Yes, dd is 16 and I’ve done the establishing values and behaviour expectations. I hope that by now she’ll use what we’ve taught her to make good decisions and that if she makes a bad one she can call us and we’ll be there for her.

Ds still 16 so not quite there. But yes to all except home alone. It's not so much that I don't trust him but it's his friends and acquaintances I'd worry about getting out of hand in the house.

I also have a similar list of things needed to do before 18. I've told DS he can't learn to drive until he learns to cook. Every freedom comes with a life skill requirement, that's the only way to motivate him.

What an odd list. I was living alone from the age of 16 and did all of that. I'd have no issue with a 17 year old doing any of it.

Eh? I haven't seen a post yet where the PP says their teenager isn't allowed to do these things .

Also - nowhere does it suggest whether posters have a DS or DD.

From our POV - DS was working full time at 17. Yes to the phone, to going out til 3 am, staying over at friends or home alone . In practice I don't think there was any staying in bed til mid afternoon (although there were often afternoon naps) and I can't recall friends driving at 17, probably more like 18. Also the travelling on public transport alone at night wouldn't have happened as would either have been with friends, sleepover or walking back (we live in a small town).

Yes except staying at home multiple nights. Also holidaying alone. Gave up even trying to control phone at 16- does anyone make 16/17 y os leave phone downstairs?

Never needed the rules about getting up at 3 because even after a big night/ morning session with friends ,2 of mine would get up and lie on sofa and number 3 was out playing rugby Sat and Sunday.
I was quite a relaxed Mum when they were teenagers and they have all become great adults.

At 17? Of course I did.

Yes to all, except the public transport. We're rural and the bus comes through the village once a day I think. I have no objection to them being on public transport at night. I'd be impressed if they managed it round here.

Never had a rule about phones downstairs - we all use for alarms .

Yes to all

Yes of course! He's now 19 and a fine young man. I buggered off to Australia a week after my 18th and had very little contact with my parents for 8mths! As no mobiles then.

DS is 15 and already does lots of those, but yes to all at 17

Yes to all of the questions.

That was my 17 yr old son that I allowed to do that.

Not sure I'd be happy with my 17 yr old daughter doing some of those things. I say that purely because my daughter isn't great at cooking so leaving her alone for a few days might be the deal breaker for me but as we've got plenty of places that she could order food from in the locality, perhaps I'm worrying over nothing.

Yes, apart from the public transport as there is none that late at night (semi-rural).

(Edited to add that DD is very young in the year so she'll be off to uni a few weeks after she turns 18 so it's actually important that I let her do this stuff at 17)

Yes. The only one I'd seriously try to persuade them out of is the sleeping hours, especially if they were making noise when the rest of us were trying to sleep. I have an 18yo (at university) and a nearly 15yo. I'm happy with how our boundaries were for 18yo dd. Both dc had always had to charge phones downstairs overnight. Both have said they are glad we insisted on this, and that they have friends who have been on their phones into the early hours every night from age 13 or 14.

How do you tell a 17 year old what to do??
My mind boggles... I'll give my opinion but ultimately they need to make their own decisions

Would be interested to hear from parents of ND children whether their answers would be the same. Mine would be yes to unsupervised phone access, regulating own sleep and staying over with a friend I don’t know but would take her there and back and meet parents that way. No to everything else.

Yes to all apart from being left home alone overnight but this is more because the situation has arisen plus they have a medical condition that makes it slightly more complicated

Yes to all of it. He's almost 18 now and is planning on travelling after A levels in the summer.