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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do you allow your 17-year-old to…

379 replies

Topray · 24/02/2024 18:29

Have completely unrestricted and unsupervised phone access (so not even having to leave phone downstairs at nighttime)

Work part-time if still at school or college.

Learn to drive (either self-funded from wages or with parental help)

Travel in a car driven by a 17-year-old

Stay overnight at the home of a friend you do not know

Use public transport alone at night

Regulate their own sleep, even if this means getting out of bed at 3pm on a weekend

Stay home alone overnight or for multiple days

Be out and about without you know really knowing exactly where they are at any given moment

OP posts:
BoohooWoohoo · 24/02/2024 18:37

Yes to all of those but he knows that if he got into trouble with the police or something then I wouldn’t be so relaxed.
I’m not overly keen with the passenger in a car thing but it’s up to him to judge.

Being too strict could backfire because you’re setting him up to lie or go crazy once he’s 18 and at uni.

PegasusReturns · 24/02/2024 18:37

Yes they're allowed to do all of those things, but don’t necessarily do.

lifebeginsaftercoffee · 24/02/2024 18:39

Yes to all of those things.

Niknakk · 24/02/2024 18:39

Yes to all

Ted27 · 24/02/2024 18:40

Yes to most of it.

He had a job at 14.

Some of it untested as he was 16/17 in lockdown. But we went through a lot of pain when he was 14/15 instilling some basic consideration about letting me know where he was and roughly what time he would be home.
He did have a decent group of mates and a lot of his social life was with the scouts and they were always off yomping and camping somewhere

Ducksurprise · 24/02/2024 18:42

Yes to all (and have a 17year old)

I hate them being picked up by young drivers and there is one who I have asked them not to travel with (asked- you can't tell at 17) and thankfully they understand my reasons.

RM2013 · 24/02/2024 18:43

I have an almost 17 year old so not driving yet but happy to support him to learn if that’s what he wants to do.

He usually does tell us where he’s going and when he’s going to be back, he doesn’t use public transport at night as doesn’t need to but would walk back from a friends house or the gym for example.

He hasn’t stayed out overnight (likes his own bed too much!!)

I would worry about being driven around by a 17 year

I don’t regulate his bedtime routines - if he stays up until 3am he needs to make sure he’s awake early enough to get himself
to 6th form the next day 🤣

NeverDropYourMooncup · 24/02/2024 18:43

Well, my mother tried to stop all of the above.

I moved out.

Spendonsend · 24/02/2024 18:43

Yes, on the whole. Not keen on leaving him home alone due to party risk.

Absolutely hating the friends driving him but they have passed the same test i passed.

MyVIsForVendetta · 24/02/2024 18:44

Yes all bar the second to last one.

He would have friends round and have a party.
Hes admitted it himself.

but the rest, yes.

idiotsguide · 24/02/2024 18:44

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Ducksurprise · 24/02/2024 18:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

? Sex wasn't specified.

Itslegitimatesalvage · 24/02/2024 18:45

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What? I think every single reply has said yes to all. Who are you talking to?

WobblyLondoner · 24/02/2024 18:45

MichaelAndEagle · 24/02/2024 18:34

Have completely unrestricted and unsupervised phone access (so not even having to leave phone downstairs at nighttime)
yes

Work part-time if still at school or college.
yes

Learn to drive (either self-funded from wages or with parental help)
yes

Travel in a car driven by a 17-year-old
yes

Stay overnight at the home of a friend you do not know
yes

Use public transport alone at night
yes

Regulate their own sleep, even if this means getting out of bed at 3pm on a weekend
yes, as long as he is still managing school and work commitments and mood seems ok

Stay home alone overnight or for multiple days
for 2 or 3 days max

Be out and about without you know really knowing exactly where they are at any given moment
yes, with a vague idea

All this has been achieved by gradually building up to it though. He knows how to get himself home from most places, what to do in emergencies and if he was in trouble not to be scared to ask for help.

Are you the parent or the 17 year old?

Yes to this for our DS, 17.

Tequilamockinbird · 24/02/2024 18:46

Yes to all.

Usernamewassavedsuccessfully · 24/02/2024 18:46

Yes to all.

Franklin2000 · 24/02/2024 18:48

Most of it yes. I wouldn’t let him spend several days alone. We went away without him (his choice) and my grandma stayed. He did resent it though. Now he’s 18 we leave him though. He’s been in the same car as other 17 year old friends but we did have to put a curfew on it after an accident.

EverlastingStar · 24/02/2024 18:48

Yes to all

MojoMoon · 24/02/2024 18:48

Given there was a thread recently about a 14 year old going shopping in London alone which led to some posters say they wouldn't let their 16 to 18 year olds go there (or even as fully grown adults themselves go to London alone), then these responses all seem remarkably sensible.

For some of these, how exactly could a 17 year old be stopped from doing them?
If they wanted to get a part time job, unless you lock them up or threaten to throw them out of the house and disown them, then it's hard to see how they could be stopped from doing it.

SingsongSu · 24/02/2024 18:51

Yes to all of the above. It becomes almost impossible to influence 17 year olds tbh the hard work of parenting has to start way before 17. You have to trust their decisions and hope your own parenting over the past 17 years guides them to make good decisions 🤞

Ducksurprise · 24/02/2024 18:52

@MojoMoon I saw that thread 😆

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 24/02/2024 18:53

Mine has just turned 18 however is a YES to all.

However we do insist tho he keeps in regular contact, we also have a tracking system on his watch and phone , we’ve never checked it, this only came about tho when something terrible happened to his friend and he asked us to track him. (Most of his peer group parents do this also)

OldTinHat · 24/02/2024 18:53

Yes.

EarthlyNightshade · 24/02/2024 18:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Some people here are talking about daughters.

MirandaWest · 24/02/2024 18:54

Yes to all of these. Don’t think DS was driven by any 17 year olds as he was the first from his friendship group to learn to drive and passed his test when he was 18. DD was more likely to have been the 17 heat old driving friends although she’s 18 now.