Do you allow your 17-year-old to…

[Topray]

Have completely unrestricted and unsupervised phone access (so not even having to leave phone downstairs at nighttime)

Work part-time if still at school or college.

Learn to drive (either self-funded from wages or with parental help)

Travel in a car driven by a 17-year-old

Stay overnight at the home of a friend you do not know

Use public transport alone at night

Regulate their own sleep, even if this means getting out of bed at 3pm on a weekend

Stay home alone overnight or for multiple days

Be out and about without you know really knowing exactly where they are at any given moment

If you're unable to have your 17 yr idk do these, I'd be very concerned if their ability to be an adult!

Phone restrictions ended at 16 once they proved they could be responsible. Yes to pt work and driving lessons.

They pretty much regulated their own sleep but weren’t allowed to sleep beyond 11 am unless jet lagged or ill; mainly because they had chores like walking the dog.

We preferred that we collected our dds at any time of night or distance rather than have them be passengers in a car driven by another teen. Or use public transport alone.

Ditto staying over but they were allowed to stay with friends whose families we knew. We pooled with other parents in the same group and took turns hosting and collecting and dropping off. My dh and I did a lot of driving and collecting in the early hours though!

We never left our dds home alone for longer than about seven hours during the day I think. No particular strategy to do that, it just didn’t arise as either dh or I were always there. One of my dds didn’t like being home alone.

We had a mutual agreement about them letting us know where they were every few hours or so. We did have to have a few tries before we got the right balance but this was an ongoing discussion. We didn’t impose rules from above. We agreed what felt safe from our perspective and what didn’t feel too controlling from theirs.

Yes to all (I have a 17 year old DS and an 18 year old DD).

Given that DD is now in Uni at 18 200 miles away - it would be pretty pointless trying to impose any of those rules on someone who is about to be living independently.

The only one I am not keen on (and it hasn't come up yet) is being driven by a 17 year old.

And I would suggest that DS come home and at least shower after being at a mates house for two nights. He has been to festivals for 4 nights with his mates though - so yes to that as well really.

I don't think I'd leave him home alone for multiple nights. I'd at least make sure he had a couple of sleepovers in that time elsewhere with mates whose parents i know, just so he had a small bit of adult contact/engagement - for him as much as anything else.

Yes I will, I did all of those things at 16 & 17

Yes to it all

Yes to everything apart from not knowing friends that's spending the night at, (she only stays at friends I know) and not knowing wearing she is.

It's a no to staying in bed to 3pm at weekends. There are jobs to do in the house (single parent, no cleaner) which all my kids have to help out with. Other than that yes (but none of her friends have passed their driving test yet thankfully, so i haven't had to worry about her getting in random cars)

Have completely unrestricted and unsupervised phone access (so not even having to leave phone downstairs at nighttime) Yes

Work part-time if still at school or college. Yes

Learn to drive (either self-funded from wages or with parental help) Yes, parental help

Travel in a car driven by a 17-year-old Yes but where we live most haven't learned yet so thankfully not an issue in practice as have to admit it does scare me a bit

Stay overnight at the home of a friend you do not know Yes

Use public transport alone at night Yes

Regulate their own sleep, even if this means getting out of bed at 3pm on a weekend Yes

Stay home alone overnight or for multiple days For one night yes but in practice hasn't happened as we have younger children too

Be out and about without you know really knowing exactly where they are at any given moment Yes but in practice we know rough location, but don't track their phone location or anything

Yes to all providing school work is on top of and I never have to get her up for sixth form.
If she's managing to do all those things everything else is fine

I don't have a 17 year old, but I had moved out of the parental home and was living on my own at 17, so in order:

Have completely unrestricted and unsupervised phone access (so not even having to leave phone downstairs at nighttime)
Yes, although it was a fixed line in those days. Would have bought my own mobile if today.

Work part-time if still at school or college.
I was working full time, and going to day release and evening classes, so yes to this.

Learn to drive (either self-funded from wages or with parental help)
I passed my test 11 days after I was 17, so yes to this.

Travel in a car driven by a 17-year-old
I was out at 1 minute past midnight on my 17th birthday with my 17 year old friend who had already passed as my co-driver (don't think that's allowed these days), and the whole reason to learn to drive was to go out with friends who were the same age, so also yes.

Stay overnight at the home of a friend you do not know
Yes - I had people over and stayed elsewhere

Use public transport alone at night
Yes, had been doing this for years by that age as was going to concerts with friends.

Regulate their own sleep, even if this means getting out of bed at 3pm on a weekend
Yes, soon learned that if I burned the candle at both ends, I couldn't function at work.

Stay home alone overnight or for multiple days
Yes, every night, I lived alone

Be out and about without you know really knowing exactly where they are at any given moment
Yes, this is similar to an earlier question. Also, I cycled around Holland with a friend when I was 15, so had already been doing this for years too.

Life is no more dangerous now than it was in my day, and saying no to any of these for a 17 year old doesn't really set them up for future life.

Yes to all

Yes to all

Yes to all. If my dd hadn't decided to have a year out between school and uni she'd of been living away from home at 17. I was living away from home at uni at 17. Only thing that makes me uncomfortable is the driving with a 17 year old but I didn't stop it. My dd decided herself not to get back in the car of her friend who drove dangerously as we have lost four members from her dads family in car crashes.

Wouldn't it make my daughter a "womanchild"? How is she suddenly changing sex?

I have a 16 Yr old a d 14 Yr old

Have completely unrestricted and unsupervised phone access (so not even having to leave phone downstairs at nighttime)
-Yes - although I try and check 14yr olds from time to time and she needs permission to download apps

Work part-time if still at school or college.
'I would

Learn to drive (either self-funded from wages or with parental help)
-This is my plan

Travel in a car driven by a 17-year-old

• Yes I have, depending on the 17yr old

Stay overnight at the home of a friend you do not know

• Yes this has happened....from around 12 or 13.

Use public transport alone at night

• They don't really use it in the day so no

Regulate their own sleep, even if this means getting out of bed at 3pm on a weekend

• They pretty much self regulate but have normal hours tbf

Stay home alone overnight or for multiple days

• Yes (for 16yr old) if they were comfortable on the basis they have friends relatives and neighbours close by for emergencies

Be out and about without you know really knowing exactly where they are at any given moment

• Yes

Yes but I would be unhappy about my child being driven around by another 17 year old unless it was to and from school.I paid for taxis if it was after a night out .

Everything except getting in a car with other teenagers. I can live with the risks of the others because I know my teens and how sensible they are. Being driven by another teenager takes that out of my hands, and more importantly takes it out of my children’s hands.

Have completely unrestricted and unsupervised phone access (so not even having to leave phone downstairs at nighttime) Yes

Work part-time if still at school or college. N/A

Learn to drive (either self-funded from wages or with parental help) N/A

Travel in a car driven by a 17-year-old N/A

Stay overnight at the home of a friend you do not know N/A

Use public transport alone at night N/A

Regulate their own sleep, even if this means getting out of bed at 3pm on a weekend Yes

Stay home alone overnight or for multiple days Yes overnight, N/A for multiple days

Be out and about without you know really knowing exactly where they are at any given moment N/A

I've answered N/A to a lot. My 17 year old has severe anxiety and won't go out unless he's with someone. Preferably me, so most of it is irrelevant. I would let him do all of those things if he was able to though. I wish they were possible for him.

Yes except we have to be awake by midday in our house.

Yes to all of it. Although if he's off work and stays in bed until the afternoon, he sorts his own dinner. His chore in the house is to empty and fill the dishwasher. If he doesn't get up at a reasonable time and me or DH has to do the dishwasher he doesn't benefit from a home cooked dinner that day and needs to sort himself out. Can go out and stay out whenever he wants, he just needs to let us know if he's coming home so we know whether to lock to the house up or not. He is treated like an adult and is expected to act like one.

Why do you ask @Topray ?

What do you allow ?

I forgot to mention that both of mine went away on holiday with friends; one at seventeen and one at eighteen. One to Spain, Italy and Greece and the other to France, the Scottish highlands and Spain. We knew their friends though and trusted them. They stayed in hostels and self catering villas.

Yes to all of it - but hated him getting into car with friends. A boy and his passenger in the year above him at school, are currently in prison after speeding in a stupidly fast car that over indulgent wealthy parents bought him and knocking down and killing an 18 year old who was jogging at the time. Horrendous.

Have completely unrestricted and unsupervised phone access (so not even having to leave phone downstairs at nighttime) Yes but it doesn't happen
Work part-time if still at school or college. yes
Learn to drive (either self-funded from wages or with parental help) yes if he wanted to
Travel in a car driven by a 17-year-old reluctantly
Stay overnight at the home of a friend you do not know yes
Use public transport alone at night yes but hasn't happened so far
Regulate their own sleep, even if this means getting out of bed at 3pm on a weekend yes
Stay home alone overnight or for multiple days no but he doesn't want to
Be out and about without you know really knowing exactly where they are at any given moment yes

Yes to all too but like most people with some reasonable notes.

Mainly I expect some level of communication. So roughly when to expect them home, if they will be joining us for dinner, not missing agreed events (no waking up at 3pm on Christmas Day type thing) or taking out lack of sleep on family.

Similarly I would say tell me where you are staying if staying out and I don't know the person, e.g I'm staying at Ben's, I know him from X and he lives on X Road.

Luckily my DC is quite communicative and open that I don't have to insist most is naturally communicated. The only thing I do get worked up about is the state of their bloody bedroom!