Do you allow your 17-year-old to…

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Have completely unrestricted and unsupervised phone access (so not even having to leave phone downstairs at nighttime)

Work part-time if still at school or college.

Learn to drive (either self-funded from wages or with parental help)

Travel in a car driven by a 17-year-old

Stay overnight at the home of a friend you do not know

Use public transport alone at night

Regulate their own sleep, even if this means getting out of bed at 3pm on a weekend

Stay home alone overnight or for multiple days

Be out and about without you know really knowing exactly where they are at any given moment

It's a long wait for driving tests round here so not that many 17 year olds have cars. I'd be really nervous about that one, but as a woman in my 50s I really wouldn't want to get into a car with a 17 year old either.

My DS is almost 17.

He has unrestricted phone use.
He works part time and is at college
I'm getting him driving lessons for his birthday
Travelling in the car of another 17yo wouldn't fill me with joy but unless I had reason to believe they were a bad driver, I'd not say anything beyond safety reminders
I'd let him stay over night with a friend I didn't know as long as I could get hold of him on his phone
Public transport I'd be fine with although he usually walks home from his job
I let him regulate his own sleep. I mean honestly, if you never let them, they never learn. He's always up for college/work/social plans
I've not let him stay home alone overnight yet but, it's not come up. I'm sure he'd be fine. I'd probably rather he had someone over for company. I'd not do multiple days at this stage - I'd want to build up.
I don't need to know his every movement. Just ask him to let me know when he's on his way home.

@Tayegete - my 18 DD who has ADHD &ASD confessed to me today that in the last 3 months she has sent nudes of herself to 6 different people, including a 32 year old and that she felt sick about it. She's done this at least a couple of times in the past and school/college intervened, we didnt know til then. It tends to occur in the evenings she said and in the past we restricted overnight access to her phone but now that she is 18 that feels more difficult. We could turn the wifi off earlier, so there's less temptation. She says she wants help but then she doesn't comply. I suppose but I could be flamed for that as she's 18 but then she is not like other 18 year olds I know including my own older DC at that age, she would struggle to be left alone for a few days, maybe for one night. She talks to strangers online when she knows she shouldn't so I feel nervous when she's out.
So in answer to some of those questions I guess it depends on the child? But also not meaning to hijack but what would you do in my situation??

My dd is 15.

She’s had unfettered access to her phone since lockdown. Sensible girl, never any issues. Now has tv and console in her room too but doesn’t game often.

She doesn’t work but I’m fine with the principle.

Learn to drive. There is a question as to whether she will legally be allowed to drive. I fully support her learning if able.

Travel in a car driven by a 17 yo. Hasn’t come up yet, I’m sure it will soon. Nervous but I have to accept she’s growing up so yes.

She has already stayed the night at people’s houses I don’t know and has been doing so since secondary started.

Public transport alone especially at night is a touchy one for me due to medical condition.

Staying at home for multiple days and some overnights. Theoretically fine. I’d want to be able to check up on her due to the medical condition.

She is already out and about with me not knowing exactly where she is. I do use the tracker really mostly to check where her school bus is as I collect her from the stop.

Yes, I allowed all that but thankfully as we live in London where 17 year olds don’t generally rush to learn to drive or have cars and they all use public transport.

That was the thing in the list that would really worry me.

Am not in this situation. I do suggest you start your own thread. It sounds as though your dd doesn’t have full capacity atm to make appropriate decisions for herself. In this case, I would be thinking about reintroducing restrictions. She’s younger for her age because of her SEN and the prefrontal cortex doesn’t even finish developing until around age 25 so she’s far from being a mature adult.

Have completely unrestricted and unsupervised phone access (so not even having to leave phone downstairs at nighttime.
Yes

Work part-time if still at school or college.
Yes, my 17 year old has worked 15 hours a week for the last 18 months.

Learn to drive (either self-funded from wages or with parental help)
Yes, mine has lessons that he pays for himself

Travel in a car driven by a 17-year-old
Yes, ds3 (17) has one friend who has passed his test and he gets a lift with him several times a week. However ds1 (28) had a friend who had passed his test at that age and I didn’t allow ds to go in the car with him as I didn’t trust him to be sensible. I was right as the friend wrote of his car, with 4 teenaged friends in it at 3 o’clock one morning. Thankfully no one was seriously hurt but, due to the type of accident, it could have been a real tragedy.

Stay overnight at the home of a friend you do not know
Yes, but it has to be someone his own age that he knows from school and the parents have to be there or aware that he is staying. I have said no to him staying over after parties when I haven’t felt comfortable about it.

Use public transport alone at night
No. He has very little experience of public transport. I pick him up or he gets a lift or taxi.

Regulate their own sleep, even if this means getting out of bed at 3pm on a weekend
Yes

Stay home alone overnight or for multiple days
He probably could but as we never go anywhere and he’s the youngest of three, it’s not likely to happen.

Be out and about without you know really knowing exactly where they are at any given moment
Yes, but I do ask that he keeps in touch and always have a fair idea of where he is and who he’s with.

Yes to all except night bus: we're rural and there are no late buses (I've been a night taxi for years) and all of them had 'where's my phone' for emergencies. If they were out at night I sent and received a text before bed. It's all about keeping communication open so they don't keep things from me. So if they need a hand they find it easier to ask.

Mine are 10 and 7 and as much as it makes me anxious it will be a yes to all those at 17.

I darent tell you what I was up to at 17....

Yes we did to all of your questions with DS who is now almost 20. We slowly allowed him to have his independence from 16yo. More fool you if you don't do this and then expect them to swim immediately at 18/19

Mine are over 17 now and girls. Yes to all other than to be driven by a 17 year old - they didn't know any 17 year olds who could drive and we live in London so transport easy to find. I always knew of / knew their friends that they might have stayed over with too. Access to phone at all times from 14 - my DH and I didn't quite agree over that but once allowed, it's very hard to take back.

Oh and no, not staying overnight alone for several nights, but they didn't want to anyway.

once i could drive, i was allowed to do all of it.

My 17yo, no, none of it. And not because i'm horrible, because he's autistic and not mentally/emotionally the same level as a normal teenager, threads like this make me realise for all he is coming on in leaps and bounds, he's still nothing like a normal 17yo :/
I can't even let him set his own sleep time because i have to get him up for breakfast to take his meds. latest i've left him is 10am when we're all up at 7ish.

i suppose he has unsupervised/unrestricted access to his tablet (doesn't own a phone) but we do have a set bedtime routine and he is asked to leave it outside his bedroom overnight once he's decided to settle to sleep... again because the last thing he does is take sleep meds and screens upset how effective they work.

Yes, pretty much, although she's not that interested in getting a job or driving. If getting a bus home late, we ask her to text when it reaches the village so we know to expect her.

Getting a lift from a 17 year old - hasn't arisen yet (and those that have passed are now 18, but close enough). I'd trust her judgment, but of course she wouldn't be able to judge for herself without getting a lift. It's just occurred to me it's parents of the one who can drive who have offered to give a bunch of them a lift both ways somewhere - so perhaps they've decided their DC is not ready for giving lifts yet! They would all be really sensible about not distracting, but it's probably not a route they've driven before, so caution is wise.

Yes to almost all. I do hate him staying up late because he manages to disturb my sleep. The 17 year old driver thing does concern me but of his friends, the ones that can drive are very sensible and I know the parents are responsible and sensible too. Lifts are to college and back. He's only been in a car driven by a 17/18 year old at night once. That did worry me but he stayed in contact throughout.

He frequently stays over at his girlfriend's house. She is delightful and a very positive influence, so no concerns there.

Yes to all of it. However, neither DD nor any of their friends drives, so that is not something I've had to deal with. However, I absolutely would let them.

Yes, she was away to uni before she turned 18

The car one and the nightly public transport are the most concerning ones - I'll be offering taxi services when they're 17 to avoid that. We won't be buying them a car until 18 (driving lessons at 17) so that gives them another year of (hopefully!) maturity.

When he was 17, yes to all.

Except for the public transport at night because we live in rural north Yorkshire and there isn't any at night.

Yes

How could you not let them? They are 17 not 7 so yes to all.

NB DS16 we no longer regulate his bed times as such but he's usually pretty sensible. If I hear him rattling around very late at night I will go and remind him of the time!

I have to regularly so DS can practise for his test. He refuses to drive his great-grandmother in case he crashes, but seemingly he's happy to risk his mum 😄.

Kind of . If they’re staying elsewhere I like to know they’ve got home safely and in a sober enough state to let me know at the end of the evening. Cars with 17 year old drivers well , depends on the journey/ driver but tbh I’m not keen.
Most things judged on individual circumstances though. If a 17 year old wants to stay at a house party with similar aged friends that I may not know , it’s usually fine.. but a 17 year old drunken daughter announcing she’s going home with say , a much older man she’s met on a night out, very much no really.
If its late at night always a cab home or public transport with friends but not alone.

Yes to all, apart from public transport at night (we always gave lifts unless with a friend we knew) and he would always tell us where he was by WhatsApp. We always let each other know if we late/away or whatever so it was just standard behavior for us as a family.

Who is the research for?