Do you allow your 17-year-old to…

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Have completely unrestricted and unsupervised phone access (so not even having to leave phone downstairs at nighttime)

Work part-time if still at school or college.

Learn to drive (either self-funded from wages or with parental help)

Travel in a car driven by a 17-year-old

Stay overnight at the home of a friend you do not know

Use public transport alone at night

Regulate their own sleep, even if this means getting out of bed at 3pm on a weekend

Stay home alone overnight or for multiple days

Be out and about without you know really knowing exactly where they are at any given moment

Yes to all, can get married (with parental consent) at 16 in UK so yes.

That changed in February last year. You can no longer marry under the age of 18 in the uk even with parental consent.

iamjustwinginglife
Didnt know that.

@iamjustwinginglife

That's not UK. That's country specific.

The convos were on Snapchat. Parents can’t monitor snap as messages are not kept and deleted if opened twice. You can’t screenshot them (well you can but the other person is notified you’ve done so) and you can only be logged into snap on one device at a time. The police will have needed a warrant to the messages back. If dd wants to save a message from snap, she gets a second phone or iPad to photograph the message on the original phone then saves the photo.

I thought all manner of things were possible before I had a child in secondary school. Parenting by 17 is almost exclusively by consent and no older teen is going to willingly hand over their phone. It’s hard enough mid teens and it depends on how much monitoring is required. My dd is sensible, tells me stuff so by 13 I was only checking periodically and at that age she was showing me tricky messages. She hasn’t had any since. Her friends are also very sensible and bar a very brief few weeks of dating she isn’t that interested in boys.

In essence, it is much better to have trust and dialogue with a teen. For example one of dd’s friends last year at 15 was having issues with a vile boy and showed me a bunch of messages, which needed intervention. I helped the girl to have the courage to talk to her parents and they informed the school and police.

By 17 a lot of teens are sexually active even if not having sex. No one wants their parents snooping on these kind of private conversations.

Have completely unrestricted and unsupervised phone access (so not even having to leave phone downstairs at nighttime) YES

Work part-time if still at school or college. YES

Learn to drive (either self-funded from wages or with parental help) YES

Travel in a car driven by a 17-year-old Wasn't applicable none of his friends could drive.

Stay overnight at the home of a friend you do not know He never asked. I know all the friends he'd want to stay over with

Use public transport alone at night YES

Regulate their own sleep, even if this means getting out of bed at 3pm on a weekend YES (though I hated it - at 18 he's now better at it)

Stay home alone overnight or for multiple days YES but "multiple = maybe 2

Be out and about without you know really knowing exactly where they are at any given moment YES but expect a general idea

"Parenting by 17 is almost exclusively by consent"

This ^

If you haven't taught them to cope with most of the issues byu 17 you've really run out of time.

People actually have trackers on their older teenagers phones?

That’s my aim. And it is terribly hard as a parent to let go. It’s even trickier as my 15 yo dd has a medical condition. But we are getting there. She is now willing to tell those, who don’t know about it and they really really need to know to keep her safe and not panic if it’s triggered. My issue is when to be ok with going on public transport by herself. I’m talking about in the day. It’s a seizure condition. Her heart stops beating then restarts but she can’t move or speak for at least an hour, often more.

Yes. I use it every day to collect dd from the bus. I don’t really track her that much if she’s out and about. Just a quick check now and again. Some teens opt to keep it past 18. I hope dd will due to her condition. I won’t be sitting up looking at it when she’s in a nightclub. But it gives a certain amount of security if she has a seizure, someone calls me from the emergency list and I can track where she is.

Yes all pretty reasonable, my two are in their twenties now, but at college we’re always driving their mates around.

Have completely unrestricted and unsupervised phone access (so not even having to leave phone downstairs at nighttime)
I found the 'not even' wording curious as I would say that is the exception not the norm! We have recently taken the night cut off for DC17 about to turn 18 on the basis will need to learn to regulate by university. It is not unrestricted e.g. no adult content. Slightly concerned on effect on A levels though so keeping an eye on number of hours a day, what time they are up till etc. Same DC made a big fuss at 16 about phone and gaming restrictions but now says wouldn't have got the same GCSE results if we hadn't. (And at that point I didn't realise Bill Gates for example didn't let children have phones till 14 and restricted them til they left home). We are also deliberating a whole house cut off at night for all of us!

Work part-time if still at school or college.
Would love them to, but they can't be bothered! Only one summer job at 16. We have let it go for now with A level exams coming up. Will expect them to get a summer job. Younger DC has a part-time job which has been great for them.

Learn to drive (either self-funded from wages or with parental help)
Would love them too, but they can't be bothered! Younger DC already has some money saved towards this.

Travel in a car driven by a 17-year-old
Unsure. Not crossed this bridge yet.

Stay overnight at the home of a friend you do not know
No. Would check where they were staying. I'd rather this didn't happen till they go to university, but at the least end of year 12 when all are over 18. Age of consent is 16, but there's some risks till everyone 18. Although at 17 there is also chance they could be hanging out with some under 16 year olds.

Use public transport alone at night
Yes.

Regulate their own sleep, even if this means getting out of bed at 3pm on a weekend
Yes. Leave them to it unless it impacted their studies. Not happened.

Stay home alone overnight or for multiple days
Yes, have done this. Probably not for the younger DC mentioned above when they are 17 (much more likely to get into trouble!)

Be out and about without you know really knowing exactly where they are at any given moment
Literally 'given' moment don't need to know where they are.

Not even if he was the one driving? Or are your own teens automatically better drivers than their friends?

Are you the mum of a boy? You don’t want your teenage boy in the car with other teenage boys, no matter which of them is driving. It’s when they are most likely to die in a car accident because they are most likely to get each other going and acting up and showing off.

My kids aren’t that age yet but it is a huge concern for me because I have two boys and I don’t want them dead in a car crash because of laddish messing around.

See I consider driving a life skill just as much as cooking

But this also happens with drivers that are 21 or 25. My son ( just turned 20) is a much much better driver than his 29 year old sister

Yes I have a son who started driving at 17. Him and his 2 best friends tend to be sensible.

I know someone who tracked her teen at uni - “ooh Izzy doesn’t go out much, she’s always in her room” wtaf

Yes to all although my son only worked in the summer holidays whilst at college and until he passed his driving test at 18, we did give him lots of lifts so he didn’t use public transport that much.

He’s 20 now and at uni, but when he is home, he still let’s me know where he is going and if his plans change. Everyone does that in our household, just a quick text. My daughter isn’t 17 yet but it’ll be the same for her, although we’ll probably provide more lifts for her.

We have a family group in Life360 so I can see where my 17yo and 19yo are (the latter at uni) and they can see where we are. It's often useful and we all like having it.

It does happen at all ages, but let’s not kid ourselves that just because older people also do it, it isn’t a much bigger risk when they’re younger.

Male drivers 17 - 24 are FOUR times more likely to be killed or seriously injured in a road traffic accident compared with all drivers over 25.

And while we have a cultural tendency to see women’s driving as “worse”, they tend to be “worse” in a less risky way (often simply sticking to lower speeds) and are far less likely to kill or be killed.

Yes to all for both DS and DD.

Have completely unrestricted and unsupervised phone access (so not even having to leave phone downstairs at nighttime)- yes

Work part-time if still at school or college.- yes, encourage it

Learn to drive (either self-funded from wages or with parental help)- yes, encourage it

Travel in a car driven by a 17-year-old- yes

Stay overnight at the home of a friend you do not know- yes

Use public transport alone at night- yes

Regulate their own sleep, even if this means getting out of bed at 3pm on a weekend- to an extent. We normally have a chat about plans for the weekend, how much revision is being done etc and agree timings

Stay home alone overnight or for multiple days- yes

Be out and about without you know really knowing exactly where they are at any given moment- to an extent. We usually have a chat about this sort of thing. So for example DS will say "I'm going to a party in X then staying overnight at Y's" and that's fine, I don't need to know any more. But I wouldn't be happy if he just disappeared and I didn't know where. Just as I wouldn't disappear without telling my husband and kids what my plans were.

You're right, not all the UK-England and Wales.

Also, I know someone who used Life360 to find their missing 17yo when he got drunk, possibly hit his head (doesn't remember) and fell asleep (or concussed) in the stairwell of a random block of flats.