Do you allow your 17-year-old to…

[Topray]

Have completely unrestricted and unsupervised phone access (so not even having to leave phone downstairs at nighttime)

Work part-time if still at school or college.

Learn to drive (either self-funded from wages or with parental help)

Travel in a car driven by a 17-year-old

Stay overnight at the home of a friend you do not know

Use public transport alone at night

Regulate their own sleep, even if this means getting out of bed at 3pm on a weekend

Stay home alone overnight or for multiple days

Be out and about without you know really knowing exactly where they are at any given moment

Yes to all of them 🙂 They are enjoying the choices and independence they now have.

She chooses not to do those things. In this day and age I want to keep my child safe, so I want her to feel that she can call me anytime day or night.. I trust her more than most parents.

@MrsRClark If she’s not ready to do certain things, that’s fine, she will eventually. Once she turns 18, she’s an adult anyway.

Yes to most as you need to encourage independence and give your 17 year old the confidence to become streetwise and gain confidence if that’s what they are asking for/ ready for .

The only thing I wouldn't allow is unsupervised access to a phone if I was paying for it. All the rest, fine.

Jesus. You’d go through the phone of your 17 year old just because you pay the bill? You pay the mortgage too; would you go through their room?

Yes except I wouldn't be a fan of them being driven by a 17 year old. Nor would I be leaving them alone at night either home or elsewhere.

Genuine non-goady question @pollymere -why wouldn’t you leave a 17-year-old at home overnight? We didn’t do it often with DD, but she loved the freedom when we did! She usually invited a friend to sleep over and we have a dog for company as well. We always let the neighbors know as they were happy to help her out in an emergency (this never happened but they were available if necessary).

Yes to all. I had certain restrictions at 17 (to suit my parents) that I found really degrading. For example, I was deemed old enough to have a job and had to get public transport in the evening when I didn’t feel safe, but I still had a bedtime and didn’t have unrestricted access to media.

Yes - all of it
She screws up sometimes - but rarely, and is learning
Just like I did

Loads of people go through their 17 year olds room, loads of people I know still clean their 17 year olds' rooms.
I don't know anyone who would go through their phones though (or admit to it anyway)

Yes

Yes. I like to know where they're going, I do wake them in the morning (they have an alarm too) and I'd like to know who they're staying with. It's a tricky age.

No.

We know where our teens are at 17. More or less. We have very open communication between all of us, for safety.
I wouldn’t leave them alone for multiple nights either.

Everyone’s phone is downstairs in the evening, automatic habit.
I wouldn’t be keen on another 17 year old driving them, and would say so.

Will this all change when they are 18?

@Topray
"Have completely unrestricted and unsupervised phone access (so not even having to leave phone downstairs at nighttime)"

Yes, but he left it downstairs overnight until age 15, and if I ask to see his phone he hands it over without a fuss (unlike his older brother, who was much more secretive, but only because he had a girlfriend).

"Work part-time if still at school or college."

Yes, though "Casual", not part time. He's a casual lifeguard for a local-authority swimming pool. They send out a list shifts and he chooses them based on his availability. He only works a couple of shifts a month (more in school holidays).

"Learn to drive (either self-funded from wages or with parental help)"

Definitely! It's a right of passage! His test is coming up in April.

"Travel in a car driven by a 17-year-old"

I wouldn't be happy about this, but luckily it has never arisen. We live in London, so most places are easy to get to by public transport.

"Stay overnight at the home of a friend you do not know"

This hasn't arisen yet, but I'd be inclined to trust his judgement.

"Use public transport alone at night"

Define night! He is sporty, and we usually pick him up from evening training at 10pm, but occasionally he has got the bus.

"Regulate their own sleep, even if this means getting out of bed at 3pm on a weekend"

I would knock on the bedroom door if he wasn't up by mid-morning. He is usually awake, but often lies in bed all morning using his phone.

"Stay home alone overnight or for multiple days"

This has never arisen. I would trust him, but would worry that he might be lonely.

"Be out and about without you know really knowing exactly where they are at any given moment"

We use Life 360, so always know where he is, and he knows where we are too. It's reassuring.

I did. I was hugely uncomfortable with him getting into cars driven by his friends though.

We never had to wake him, and he never slept until 3pm. He’s always been an early riser.

Hmmm. I always felt insecure being in the house by myself if my parents were out late so I think it stems from that. I guess it depends very much on the maturity of the 17 y/o. Mine at that age wouldn't have coped with an emergency and I don't really have a network of neighbours they could turn to in that situation.

Yes to everything mine are 18 and 23 but when out i still text and ask if there ok and they always reply when they can and have done this since been given a phone and especially when they both learnt to drive at 17 but same goes they both text me randomly to make sure im ok even though im in the house 24/7

At 17 I had graduated High School, had a job and was renting an apartment with my best friend.

I had a deal with mine- we live in an area with lots of small towns and villages. The deal was they always let me know what town or village they were in, and where they were going to spend the night. The bottom line was don't do anything that would make me look like a bad parent if they went missing and I had to appear on a police appeal.

I have a 15 yr old who I could easily leave alone (I wouldn't!!) 17 yr old freaks out if in the house alone in the day!!!
Phone access I have never checked either phone since they were about 12. Driving - yes.

Driving with another teen - does scare me and 17 yr old has been out with friends who have just passed their test but in the day.
Public transport at night - would allow but she doesn't venture out much.
Staying at someones house you don't know - again she doesn't like staying from home.
Work part time - yes
Sleep - would try and make sure they were up by midday.

Not really. I have older teens.
We encourage them to think about who they are driving with, and how safe they are.
Phone location - their choice, but they are self disciplined now.
We always know where each other is. Even adults. We are a close family.
I would encourage them to invite a friend if we were away for multiple nights.
Mine are at uni and we always check in.

Well my youngest child is 20 but yes.

Taking my youngest as an example - first three yes for sure

Yes he travelled in a friend's car who had not long passed their test - tho he was 18 I think.

Not got a problem with the overnight at a friend's tho I would want to know where they were - pretty sure DS did this once or twice. Not a common thing tbf.

Public transport - yes if you mean a 10pm bus. We don't have buses later than midnight here.

All mine slept as they needed and wanted from about 13-14. Tho tbf they all had a paper round (see earlier query re job).

DS2 stayed at home for a week on his own when we went away - he was 17 and a half. He could have come but didn't want to.

Obviously the last one is fine. I would know where they were roughly (as in - out at friend's/out in town etc)

Pretty much yes. In fact my 16 (nearly 17) Yr old does all this.

Yes, but I can track him in his phone so I know where he is..
and he’s with friends all the time