Anonymous FB messages

[BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam]

My ex and I broke up in 2022, when our little one was born. Things were quite volatile between us for a few months, a lot of arguing. However we've not spoken for well over a year.

Since the middle of last year, I've received a couple of anonymous Facebook messages, from two different accounts with different names, no profile pic etc.

The first one was along the lines of "Paul (not real name) has moved on, they've bought a house together, time for you to step back".

The latest one, last week was "Paul's got what he always wanted, a little boy, Oscar, time for you to disappear and let him move on with his family".

I don't speak to my ex at all and haven't done for over a year, bar the odd text mesaage in regards to our child. All contact with our child is done by him picking her up from nursery, keeping her overnight and dropping back to nursery the next day. I know nothing of his life these days however after the latest message, I did a bit of digging and it turns out he has had a kid, born recently. It rankled a little as our kid isn't even 2 yet, but we certainly weren't ever going to get back together, so whatever.

I'm actually feeling really unsettled by these messages. I don't know who is sending them, him? The new woman? We don't have mutual friends. I don't have anything to do with him so why would I care if he's bought a house and had a baby with someone.

Would I be unreasonable to go to the police about these messages? It's creeping me out knowing that there is someone who is contacting me but that I don't know who they are. Would the police even act and trace who it is and tell them to back off? I feel really....I don't know....invaded.

My first thought is that it's the woman he is in a relationship with. From what you've said, it doesn't sound likes it's him.

To be honest I'm not sure what the police would do as it doesn't sound like they are threatening as such, though I could be wrong. I would probably screenshot them, send them to him and say you have no idea who is sending these messages or why. Let him deal with it- he might not be happy if someone is trying to ruin his relationship with his child.

Keep screenshots, in case it escalates but the police won't do anything at this point, just lock down your settings so strangers can't message.

Sounds like your ex is making up stories and his partner is trying to make you back off.

If I were you I’d probably just ignore it. I suspect it’s his new partner just trying to cause problems but I don’t understand why as you never see him. Maybe she wants him to cut ties with your child, who knows?! I doubt the police would do much other than just take note but maybe you should screenshot and keep in case anything comes of it.

That's what's stopping me from going to the police, there is no actual threat in them and its only a couple of messages. I just feel really unnerved, I live alone with my young daughter and I don't know for definite who is behind these.

I'd screenshot them and send them to him. Asking if he knows who is sending them.
I'd be concerned about who my DD was staying with. I assume it's the new woman and if that's the case, she's in the role of your DDs step mum. It sounds like she doesn't want your ex to have DD there. So I'd have to ask the questions.

I bet his new partner thinks he is cheating and suspects you. So is sending the messages to try and make you back off. Obviously to no avail

YWBU to contact the police. Surely the logical next step is to post screen shots to your ex and let him know you’ve had some weird messages?

This. If your child had no contact, then I’d just ignore them. But this is a bit concerning. Also, the “disappear” reference is pretty close to a threat, even though likely an empty one.

If you’re really un-nerved by them then maybe just send to your ex and ask if he knows anything about it. I think maybe his new partner doesn’t trust him - I had similar when my ex left me when I was 6 months pregnant and I used to get messages of a similar nature and phone calls in the middle of the night. Bloody annoying if anything as I didn’t want the cheating knob back plus I had a newborn that kept getting woken up at all hours!

Maybe he tells her he has been coming to see your DD but is lying about it?

Just change your settings on Facebook so only people you know can message you.

Dont even give it another thought.

Does it not bother you that you know nothing about where your DD is staying to the point that you didn't know she had a new sibling?

It's almost certainly the new woman feeling threatened.

Not a police matter though.

This.

Screenshot and send to him saying you'll report to the police if it continues.

I'd also be telling him these type of messages may raise potential welfare concerns that he should be aware of should he wish to continue with contact.

This. Definitely not a police matter.

Just ignore them. Or laugh that someone feels threatened by you.

Very much so. But what can I do about it? If I cut contcet then he'll go to courts to get access and gain it, as hes not abusive, a danger to her etc. After several months of a break between them, it would be so confusing snd unsettling for her to then go back to contact with him.

I'd screen shot it and send to him, ask him who he thinks might be sending them. Sounds like it could be his new partner but I didn't know you could send anonymous messages on fb.

I would consider it a pretty serious safeguarding concern that he didn't tell you he had another child (and partner?) and that he was living with them while having contact with your 2yo toddler.

Do you even know his address?

Same here. It's good that you've been able to negotiate ccontact without any drama, but it sounds as though his partner (or possibly someone else) is intent on stirring the pot. My child staying with them would make me uneasy if that's the case and I would show him and ask him for his input. It could be someone else though - a friend or relative of hers perhaps.

It's reasonable for you to send him the messages and tell him your concerns though. You don't have to be confrontational about it. You can just say you want to make sure whoever is sending them isn't somebody who might have contact with your DD

I don't necessarily think it's him sending the messages, if it's his current partner then he might be unaware that she's batshit.

Screenshot them and send them to him.

I agree with screenshotting them and sending them to him except I’d say that you are planning on reporting to the police if a third one is sent.

Yes. I would do this. Make it clear you are not accusing him, but if he has any idea where it's coming from, could he ensure it stops.

My money is on his mum or a sister. Not sure about the new partner because they would know you have no contact...... Unless he is using you as an excuse for not being at home.

I bet it’s his new partner acting like a jealous saddo. Tell her how pathetic she is and keep blocking. She’s clearly threatened by you. Who the fuck even has time for that sort of thing? I will never understand 🤣

Definitely not his mum, her and I had a really good relationship and she doesn't have a social media presence herself, uses an old Nokia phone ie no smart phone etc. Definitely not her. He doesn't have a sister or any close or semi close female relatives.