Anonymous FB messages

[BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam]

My ex and I broke up in 2022, when our little one was born. Things were quite volatile between us for a few months, a lot of arguing. However we've not spoken for well over a year.

Since the middle of last year, I've received a couple of anonymous Facebook messages, from two different accounts with different names, no profile pic etc.

The first one was along the lines of "Paul (not real name) has moved on, they've bought a house together, time for you to step back".

The latest one, last week was "Paul's got what he always wanted, a little boy, Oscar, time for you to disappear and let him move on with his family".

I don't speak to my ex at all and haven't done for over a year, bar the odd text mesaage in regards to our child. All contact with our child is done by him picking her up from nursery, keeping her overnight and dropping back to nursery the next day. I know nothing of his life these days however after the latest message, I did a bit of digging and it turns out he has had a kid, born recently. It rankled a little as our kid isn't even 2 yet, but we certainly weren't ever going to get back together, so whatever.

I'm actually feeling really unsettled by these messages. I don't know who is sending them, him? The new woman? We don't have mutual friends. I don't have anything to do with him so why would I care if he's bought a house and had a baby with someone.

Would I be unreasonable to go to the police about these messages? It's creeping me out knowing that there is someone who is contacting me but that I don't know who they are. Would the police even act and trace who it is and tell them to back off? I feel really....I don't know....invaded.

It's either him or his new woman trying to be petty and pathetic AF. Are they in a primary school playground.
Take it as nonsense and block them. The police I think is a bit strong, but if it carries on I guess it could be classed as some type of stalking. I would show no evidence of it when you see your ex.
You have no involvement whatsoever in his life so keep it that way.

You can change your settings on Facebook so only friends can message you. I'd do this so no one else can.

I'm really not the type to be threatened by things like this, I can stand up for myself, it's just living on my own with my little one and not knowing who has some sort of vengeance against me. The more i think about it, the more worried I get.

Screen shot and send him. Ask him if he knows about it because you are concerned by the reference to 'disappearing'. Tell him you're not sure why you are being sent these messages because you have no contact with him and are in his life only to communicate about your daughter but it sounds like whoever is behind the messages wants her out of the picture. Tell him you are keeping the messages and considering if you need to flag to the police. He'll know who it is and probably not being impressed either.

I know. He's 42 and holds a professional job and out of curiosity, I looked her up online after the latest message. Found her linkedin, going by the date that she graduated, she's 44/45 and she also holds down a professional job. Yet the messaging is just juvenile and weird. I just can't imagine him doing it and if she's not long had a baby, I can't imagine her having the time, inclination or mindspace to bother with these messages. So I'm thinking is it one of them? Or is it someone who holds some sort of grudge against me? I can't imagine who though.

@BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam I know it's tempting but don't be 'playing them at their own game'.
F her Linkedin. F his shit.
You have contact with him over the kids only. If you react to it then they are winning. Totally ignore it. It's childish and awful but don't go to their level.

Screenshot and send to him.

I've just this second received a friend request from a random account with no profile pic. I will do as pps have advised, and close down my Facebook as much as possible.

It really would be best to screenshot everything and ask him about it. Tell him it's very unnerving and does he have any idea who would be sending them. If he says no then tell him it is concerning and you will take them to the police as you'd like them to be aware in case this escalated.

Well it’s definitely her or him isn’t it. My moneys on her, my ex has a girlfriend of almost 40 that does similar inane rubbish.

I would report to the police online, it sounds overkill but it’ll help in the long run if this escalates at all. Then you’ve got a paper trail of when it started happening and what happened.

If it doesn’t escalate past this then never mind, you’ve not wasted anyone’s time reporting an incident without crime online.

Also agree with PP to send him some screenshots, maybe ask him if he knows what this might be about and can he step in to prevent a third message being sent.

I’d be tempted to print them off, and put a note with them and put them on dd’s person so Ex sees them. Note to say something like “look, I’m getting these messages, I’m sure its not you, but just so you know, there’s been another attempt this week so will go to police as it’s freaking me out.

id also add, for the record, I’m happy for you if you’re happy, and i wish you all the best etc etc

Don't report to the police they have enough on their plate.
Send it to Facebook.

Ignore fr from people you don't know. Lock down your settings as said.
Don't mention it. Ignore.

"Time for you to disappear" when you haven't spoken in so long is really horrible. How much time was there between the messages?

Is your ex a reasonable guy?

Not to start a row on here, but I really don’t agree with this. When my ex’s girlfriend escalated her behaviour against me and I had to involve the police. The first thing they asked me was ‘why didn’t you report this sooner’ and her behaviour started with the same incidents. Malicious messages, repeated adds from fake accounts, LinkedIn views etc. It started with bizarre low level cyber stalking then escalated.

If you report online you have the option to report it as a non crime. The most you’ll get back is a phone-call to check everything’s okay. But most importantly you’ll have a record of the crimes and crime ref numbers.

If it doesn’t escalate then no harm done. Hopefully if you ask ex about it they’ll both be embarrassed and it’ll stop.

Or he’s shagging about and using your dc as an excuse and new partner thinks he’s seeing you. Anyway, sending him the messages is a good call

He was a reasonable guy but he changes like a chameleon depending on who he's with, so I don't know anymore tbh. There was about 3 or 4 months between the messages.

I've just deleted my entire Facebook account, I don't want anymore of this. I don't use it too much, so no big loss. I'll send him a message to tell him about the messages and that I want it to stop and hopefully that'll be the end of it.

Is he paying child maintenance as they should tell you he’s had another child.
I would screen shot them, send to him with a message like ‘I’ve known your situation for a while, I haven’t mentioned it to you because I genuinely don’t care so could you please stop whoever is sending these pathetic messages. Thanks’

Op this is awful behaviour from whoever it is. I agree with other posters it’s likely his girlfriend. If she has only had a baby maybe she actually does have too much time on her hands! She could be awake all night even if the baby is asleep and she could be alone in the day with the baby asleep too. Possibly aswell as others said that he is using your child as an excuse to cheat on her!!! I would send him them and let him know your not best pleased as it’s clearly from his side whoever it is!

Lock Facebook down.
Check you've done that right.

Screen grab the messages and send to him with a polite but brief note.

And stop looking at people on LinkedIn.

I don't think there's enough to the Police with but I do agree that you need to raise this with him.

I'd also be tempted to reply and state that you have nothing to do with him outside of essential communication re DC and not to ever contact you again. Then block.

I agree it's probably the new partner, her Dsis or friend.

I've deleted my facebook, I really don't have the energy to be dealing with this and it's making me quite nervy. Hopefully that's the end of it.

If you were logged into Linkedin she will know you viewed her profile.

Then maybe she'll twig that I'm onto her and leave me alone.

He is but on an informal basis so it doesn't going through the child maintenance service.

I would contact him - include the messages and outline what lifebegins says - that you have safeguarding concerns because of these messages and someone connected to him must have sent them. I would ask him to look into it.

I suspect it is the new partner but I also suspect she will try to suggest your jealous that he is with her and sent them yourself.

You could suggest you are going to see if an IT tech can do some digging - and if it is the new girlfriend make her nervous enough to believe they could find it is her and it makes her stop.