Anonymous FB messages

[BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam]

My ex and I broke up in 2022, when our little one was born. Things were quite volatile between us for a few months, a lot of arguing. However we've not spoken for well over a year.

Since the middle of last year, I've received a couple of anonymous Facebook messages, from two different accounts with different names, no profile pic etc.

The first one was along the lines of "Paul (not real name) has moved on, they've bought a house together, time for you to step back".

The latest one, last week was "Paul's got what he always wanted, a little boy, Oscar, time for you to disappear and let him move on with his family".

I don't speak to my ex at all and haven't done for over a year, bar the odd text mesaage in regards to our child. All contact with our child is done by him picking her up from nursery, keeping her overnight and dropping back to nursery the next day. I know nothing of his life these days however after the latest message, I did a bit of digging and it turns out he has had a kid, born recently. It rankled a little as our kid isn't even 2 yet, but we certainly weren't ever going to get back together, so whatever.

I'm actually feeling really unsettled by these messages. I don't know who is sending them, him? The new woman? We don't have mutual friends. I don't have anything to do with him so why would I care if he's bought a house and had a baby with someone.

Would I be unreasonable to go to the police about these messages? It's creeping me out knowing that there is someone who is contacting me but that I don't know who they are. Would the police even act and trace who it is and tell them to back off? I feel really....I don't know....invaded.

This is what would concern my. Your dd is only little and it certainly sounds like the new gf does not want ant reminder of you around which your dd definitely is. It's a bit scary considering all the things you see on the news

Not necessarily, depends what your settings are.

Message him and say
“Just to let you know I’ve been getting messages saying I need to move on from
you and disappear. They’ve also shared personal details about your life that you’ve chosen not to share with me. I’m confused as to the purpose of the messages because I have moved on. As the only remaining link to us is our child I wonder if the comment about disappearing is them hoping I’ll stop your contact, which I wouldn’t want to do. I have no idea who they’re from but I’m obviously concerned that someone in your life who may have access to our child is sending them and what that means for our daughter. If the messages continue I’ll have to ask the police to trace the ip address they originate from so that they can find the home address the ip address originated from.”
Then turn your Facebook back on so you can check if further messages come through.

Just wanted to add, I work in children's social care and what the OP is saying is quite normal. If there is a threat of abuse etc towards the ex partner, then it is absolutely normal for personal details such as address etc, not to be shared.
I can understand why people may find that odd but in reality it's the safest thing to do.
If there is no concern over a child's relationship with the other parent, then as long as there are contact details eg phone numbers and a 2nd phone number (family member etc) then address are not necessary.
It protects everyone.

She would only see you have looked at her linked in if were looking from a logged in account yourself

A contact centre is not the norm it's for people that have relationships that have broken down often because of abusive behaviour to the point they need to use them and not knowing direct contact details is for safeguarding or a bail requirement etc so comparing your situation to that and suggesting it's normal doesn't make sense.

How old is your daughter because you have said 2 and 1

I'm sorry but it's completely insane not to know where your baby is and saying it's ok because she's with her dad doesn't cut it because for a start you can't even trust him to know your address and you actually have no clue she's always with him.

The messages are not the worst thing here just an additional red flag

If it is the new partner then it sounds to me like she thinks you are more involved with him than you are. You say when you were pregnant he was messaging other women, perhaps he has done the same to her but used you as a cover for texting a lot or when he has gone out to meet other people.

I'd do this.

Op this situation is horrible I'm sorry

It's obviously the new woman. She wants to cut you and your child out of their life. I'd send screen shots to your ex, and ask if he knows who sent these? If your child is unsettled when she returns home, I'd tell him to go back to one night.

Do you think that he's cheating on her, and she wrongly thinks it's you? He could be using you as an excuse for being late home/popping out etc.

I'd just reply "I don't care".

It's the new woman, I knew that straight away from the context of the messages.
I'd just send screenshots to him, so he can see he for what she really is, she definitely wouldn't be expecting that 😄
I'd love to message her back to say to grow some balls, but maybe ignorance is bliss. She willl know you think it's her from the screenshots you send to him, suspecting it's her anyway.

Probably he new woman I would think. Maybe see what the police say ,I dont know if they would get involved though

I would say it's either the new gf, or her mum/sister.

Screenshot the messages. He'll have no idea they've been sent. However, he's obviously telling someone that you're still chasing him/causing problems etc, or he's been saying he's having to go to yours because you're being problematic (to hide the fact he's having an affair or something)

Honestly, he'll shit himself when he sees them because he'll realise he's started a game that's got out of control and this is the first step of it coming back to bite him in the ass.

From working in one previously, a contact centre is generally for abusive situations however we alao had parents who could not get along with one another to the point where they couldn't meet due to how toxic things were between them, so they used the CC as neutral ground.

My daughter is one. I haven't said she's 2. The only place where I said 2 in regards to her age is when i said "she isn't even 2 yet".

As I've said, I thought I knew where she was going. I thought she was going to our old shared house, he didn't say otherwise and allowed me to think that this was where she was going. The first message, I was a bit unnerved but wrote it off as shitstirring. I certainly didn't believe he'd be buying a house with someone thst he must've been with for what must've been 10/11 months at that point, max bang on one year, as hed generally a savvy man with financial matters (as opoosed to condoms clearly). The second message about the baby is where I did some digging and found out a lot of this to be true. Shes obviously gotten pregnant months into the relationshp and that's why they've decided to move in together etc. I don't care who he moves in with but I do care when it's my daughter that will be exposed to it all. He's not had her to stay since this last message as my subsequent digging and discovery of all of this following the message was only a few days ago.

Thank you, I like the sound of this message and it isn't conformnational/likely to cause issues.

It sounds to me like it’s his new woman and she probably thinks you’re still seeing each other or something along those lines.

their relationship obviously isn’t going well if she’s feeling the need to do this. Pity her and ignore it.

Your ex is making up stories so his new girlfriend thinks hes hot material to other women. Its a controlling tactic.
Personally id message back saying ... I didnt want him a year ago..certainly dont want him now. No matter what he implies to you , have you thought he is probably trying to keep you on your toes? Hes not that special else i would still be with him and he is telling you fibs about me being interested. Take care.

Then id block any messages that arent from friends..id also block ex profile if hes on your friends.
You only have to converse about DC

You can trace her yourself. There are websites that generate links that will show the ip address of the person who clicks on it. I'd send her a link back and see where the person is that clicks on it.

Do you still have any kind of relationship with his mother? Is it worth speaking to her?

The thing is, I don't think he would've said that I'm still chasing him, it would cause him hassle. He's very much a man that wants a relationship where he gets peace and quiet and sex. If he's getting that then he wouldn't risk bringing drama in.

I've not spoken to her in over a year. Talking to her would just cause problems I feel as he'd be angry that I'd got in touch with her seeing as we're no longer together and that would potentially stir up drama.

Why don't you change your security settings so you can'tget messages from random people. Won't help with messages you already have but in the future anyway.

"Hot material" 😂 Sorry but this made me laugh, you'd only need to look at him to know he's not hot material!

I've completely deleted facebook, if it is her then she can send herself mad thinking whatever. I blocked messages that weren't from friends however I then, yesterday, recieved a friend request from an anonymous profile. The pair of them are blocked from my profile, or were, it's now deleted.

I've just deleted the whole thing. I've been wanting to move away from social media for a while now, it's a waste of time, so this has been the excuse I needed to get rid.