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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Anonymous FB messages

156 replies

BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam · 24/02/2024 18:05

My ex and I broke up in 2022, when our little one was born. Things were quite volatile between us for a few months, a lot of arguing. However we've not spoken for well over a year.

Since the middle of last year, I've received a couple of anonymous Facebook messages, from two different accounts with different names, no profile pic etc.

The first one was along the lines of "Paul (not real name) has moved on, they've bought a house together, time for you to step back".

The latest one, last week was "Paul's got what he always wanted, a little boy, Oscar, time for you to disappear and let him move on with his family".

I don't speak to my ex at all and haven't done for over a year, bar the odd text mesaage in regards to our child. All contact with our child is done by him picking her up from nursery, keeping her overnight and dropping back to nursery the next day. I know nothing of his life these days however after the latest message, I did a bit of digging and it turns out he has had a kid, born recently. It rankled a little as our kid isn't even 2 yet, but we certainly weren't ever going to get back together, so whatever.

I'm actually feeling really unsettled by these messages. I don't know who is sending them, him? The new woman? We don't have mutual friends. I don't have anything to do with him so why would I care if he's bought a house and had a baby with someone.

Would I be unreasonable to go to the police about these messages? It's creeping me out knowing that there is someone who is contacting me but that I don't know who they are. Would the police even act and trace who it is and tell them to back off? I feel really....I don't know....invaded.

OP posts:
Pantsonfire5 · 25/02/2024 22:40

BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam · 25/02/2024 22:30

I do appreciate what you're saying. To be honest, I don't really have much feelings, good or bad, towards him. More just feelings of disappointment at the kind of man he's turned out to be is all. My hesitancy at meeting up with him is mainly due to the fact that he pretty much destroyed me when he acted as he did when I was weeks/very early months post partum and he was pissing off for 3 nights every week (even though we were separated at that point) and clearly meeting up with other women. Along with messaging them/this new woman when my child was weeks old. It was very very hurtful, even though i don't know if i had the right to feel hurt as we weren't actually together at that point.

I've worked so hard to move on from that level of hurt and mental pain he caused me and I'm in a pretty good place now and doing well. I'm just scared that seeing him will, I don't know, stir up those old feelings of overwhelming hurt and put me right back to that place where I was mentally, following her birth. If I did get in that headspace again then I wouldn't be at my best for my daughter, which I need to be.

I do understand and I'm sure you've had a tough time and are doing your best. Hopefully with a few more months of healing you'll feel able to have a bit more contact, maybe with another neutral person there to facilitate.

Codlingmoths · 25/02/2024 22:45

You can also ask the daycare if they’ve seen any behaviour changes from her and to please let you know if they do, you’ve seen some.

PawsisShady · 25/02/2024 23:41

I don't get the issue over not knowing the address. If it was a situation where OP had left an abusive man, nobody would be posting telling the man he deserves to know the address

What would people post if OP had said
"I have left an abusive and violent partner and he wants to know who my daughter is in contact with, about my new baby, new partner, my full address, if she shares a room..." people would be saying tell him to fuck off

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 26/02/2024 00:06

I think his new woman feels insecure and possibly jealous, about his first family. "She" sounds rather stupid sending messages like that. I'd screenshot them and save them, and not worry over it.

TotoroElla · 26/02/2024 18:35

BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam · 25/02/2024 11:12

Well this is my main concern - these are massive changes in a childs life, especially a 1 year old who can't understand what's going on and he has chosen the easiest path, keeping it all hush hush, instead of being honest with me, as awkward as it may be, explaining that he's already had another baby with someone while our child is still only 1 year old.

I messaged him a month or two back saying that she had been unsettled the past couple of times she had returned to me and that I was concerned that the increase in nights was what was unsettling her. He still chose to say nothing at that point, instead blaming her being unsettled on potentially a growth spurt.

He's a real coward, isn't he?

BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam · 26/02/2024 18:50

TotoroElla · 26/02/2024 18:35

He's a real coward, isn't he?

The shittiest coward I've ever met.

OP posts:
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