Solo parenting for a weekend

[Mamabear04]

I know it's a bit ridiculous to post this but DH is going on a stag doo next weekend for 2 nights/3 days and I am secretly worried how I'll cope looking after DC alone. They are 4 years and 19 months and while I know I can do it I just feel slightly overwhelmed at the workload that's coming my way. DH helps out a lot with the kids and always pulls his weight. I'm a SAHM and DH works from home and will help where he can (putting on jackets and shoes when we go out or will prep lunch for when we come back from wherever we've been), DS is an early waker (usually 5am ish) and he always gets up with him so I can sleep until 7am and then when he finishes work he always baths the kids because by bedtime I'm usually exhausted. I know I am very fortunate having so much help but I'm also worried that I'll be really exhausted. My 4 year olds behaviour hasn't been so good the past couple of weeks and DS is tantrum central atm. I feel like a bit of a failure even admitting this as I know so many mums with such little help from their partners and then I am in awe of single parents (how do they even do it?!) AIBU to feel this way?

You’re not being unreasonable to feel that way at all but it isn’t a bad thing to be able to cope without him there - it might actually really help you to show you that you can cope and you can manage.

try and prepare as much as you can before he goes away and just do what you can - don’t stress about everything being perfect.

You can do it! Just limit the expectations of what you’ll be doing - go with easy activities inside and don’t bother bathing them - just a top and tail won’t hurt them for a couple of days. Get some easy food in and camp out watching Disney movies! (Or whatever works!) Good luck!

Is it anxiety?

You probably will be tired but it will be fine. Make plans do make things easy.

Parenting can be overwhelming sometimes OP . Just think ahead. Easy meal options , even paper plates.
Tell son it’s an adventure & he gets to cuddle in your bed or play in your room til 7 as a special treat x
Parenthood isn’t about perfection. But kids pick up on your anxiety and take no prisoners x
Concentrate on having fun and not perfection - you’ll be fine x

YANBU- if it’s how you feel it’s how you feel. Plenty of parents feel this way at times.

If say, lower expectations for the weekend (so don’t worry about house being perfect), plan activities that work well for you and the children (eg a nice park they enjoy that you know is safe and easy to supervise them in) and prep things that will help (eg pre-made easy dinners etc) .

You’re capable of managing, but obviously it’ll be harder than usual if your usual is to have another very proactive parent about.

Think of a way to make the time away special. Whenever my husband is out me and the kids have ‘special mummy bedtime’ we watch an episode each (2kids so 2episofes) of something in my bed together before all reading a story and heading to bed. I set the expectations early that they need to be extra good so we have time (eg bridging teeth on first ask, getting pjs on independently etc.). It makes bedtime super easy for me and they get so excited as soon as I say special mummy bedtime 😂

DH works 12hr shifts. Add in travel time and a shedload of overtime and he’s not really around a lot. I’m full time but more flexible so everything falls to me if he’s working.

My tips are plan ahead, make some meals you can heat up, have a time table to stick to and make sure you have milk, bread, eggs etc. You’ll be fine

I feel the same way, DH works from the office but it very hands on so when he’s away I have to be super organised. Organisation is the key, meal prep/easy meals, do thing’s immediately like tidying up, washing up, don’t let it pile up because after they are in bed you’ll be knackered.

I find being out for as long as possible helpful, it limits the damage they can do at home. So I’d be planning a full weekend of activities. With DD I leave in the morning and we are back in time for dinner, she watches a bit of telly while I clear up and then its bath and bedtime.

Thanks everyone, I guess I maybe do feel anxious because my 4 year old seems to have outgrown being at home if that makes sense? She is only at nursery part time so I tend to do a lot of activities during the week and I'm worried if she just has me all weekend she'll be bored and make it more difficult. The past few weeks have been very tricky with her pushing the boundaries because she is bored but it's tricky to balance activities for both ages and attention spans.

I really like the idea of doing something special but my 19 month old will not sit still on my bed and thinks of it as a giant at home soft play so is 100% not relaxing. My kids also actually aren't bothered by TV so it never holds their attention for very long unless they are super tired or unwell otherwise I would have utilised this for sure!

Already thinking of how to prep meals etc. Thanks for all your advice x

I'm a lone parent of 3 so I don't really get it but if thats how you feel then it's how you feel. If they're little balls of energy, just take them out during the day to soft play or the park. See if any friends are free to meet up with the kids. If you have family nearby, maybe call in for a coffee. Grab a chippy or a pizza on the way home and an early bed time. That way you don't have as much mess to clean up!

Oh and he's had a weekend away so you can book yourself a spa weekend in return 🤣

Enlist the four year old to help out. I always found with my eldest that she responded very well to being given age appropriate responsibilities and didn’t mess around too much

Yes you will be exhausted…that’s to be expected but make life easy and perhaps prep meals…make favourite/easy foods only do there’s less stress and tantrums.
organise an activity or two for each day. Park/soft play with a friend.
visit a parent or family another day perhaps.
But some new play doh or something that your 4yr old will enjoy
bath time was always a time waster for me at that age too.

DH has always regularly gone away for a few weeks at a time, so I’ve had to learn to manage alone but the first few times were scary!

The important thing is to break the day up and to have plans. So arrange play dates/museum trips/playground trips.

Prep meals in advance/make sure you have all the easy groceries etc you need.

Also make up “busy bags” to buy you some time for a break when you get overwhelmed - these are small bags with a few new (cheap!) toys/stickers/pots of play doh etc. anything your kids will find exciting because it’s new and will be able to play with for 5 mins without bothering you.

Your feelings are your feelings but come on, you’re their mum. I think it’s a bit pathetic not to be able to look after your own kids. Woman up for gods sake. You’ll probably enjoy having some time to yourself in the end anyway. I’m on a 10 day solo stint myself at present.

Have to say I agree, this is ridiculous! You are having anxiety about being in your own home with your own kids without your partner? Definitely time to crack this one, unless there are mental health issues you haven't mentioned.

I would arrange some play dates with mums and kids you like, plan food in advance and don’t worry about mess at all.

I always dreaded when mine went away when they were younger but we always had a fab chilled out time in the end. There was one year he was away for a week he left on the Sunday afternoon late january for an evening flight and Sunday evening our boiler packed in. No biggie the heating company were around on the Monday and offered to install a new one straight away. Except the heating and hot water system he wanted had to be ordered and couldn't get it put in until the Friday which was very conveniently the day he got home. I could have had some very strong words about that boiler he picked out whilst he was in his nice warm hotel room without the DC (who were 4 and 1 at the time so a handful) but somehow with hot water bottles and using out neighbours bathroom we got through it.

He's in a different role now and doesn't travel at all for work 😁

If you feel anxious then that's how you feel. But honestly i think you need to get some perspective or its going to be a long week if worrying, us lone parents manage :)

I'm not being funny but if your other half is working from home, he should be doing just that, working. Not helping you with the kids, that is not what he is being paid for. This is why companies like children to be in childcare for people working from home.

Hey!

I am a single parent but I do sympathise - I only have one and sometimes wonder if I could cope if I had two. My child is very high energy though too - I think that makes a difference

my tips when I’m having a taxing week and am tired would be:

grab a mcDs drive thru for supper (it’s fun?) and a take out for urself one evening (finances dependent) to treat yourself

Soft play session/s to zone out a bit…,or is there a play cafe near you?

getting a few stickers and new bits for craft table (play dough?) to occupy your daughter in a tough or tired moment
planning a schedule for yourself ie morning/afternoon block activities even if it’s just park trips

As others have said - make sure you’ve got food basics in

if you’re sensitive/neurodivergent maybe it’s just the thought of overwhelm and stimulation all day?

if so - plan for places that are good for you as well as kids as far as poss, or get some ear plugs like loop for soft play :)

being solo means accepting things being rough round the edges and sometimes going a bit slower

shame (from entertainment respect) your kids aren’t into tv but maybe picking a film with your daughter if you think that would make a difference?

Presumably the preparing lunch is on his lunchbreak and the helping with goats etc is quick and if he saves on commute time he probably has extra time available to help out with that,

Think of the single mums that do it every day with no help.
I raised 2 has a single parent 17 months apart no help no man no nothing.
I have to be honest having anxiety about being in your own home with your own kids your the mum the adult look after you own kids...

You feel how you feel, of course if you have never been on your own before it will feel overwhelming.
But your be absolutely fine, just don't expect things to be perfect and don't worry about the small things.
Also you are not lucky to have a partner that is a good dad, this should be standard!

Sorry but I also think you are being a bit of a wuss if you are already the SAHM. I routinely have weekends or weeks of solo parenting. And others do it all the time. Just make sure you have all the food etc you need as it’s quite annoying having to herd 2 little ones to the shops!

Think you're getting a hard time here OP because lots of people do cope quite successfully with 2 children alone. However I understand where you're coming from- clearly your normal (and mine, actually) is to have a very helpful partner around so it's only natural that the second pair of hands being absent is going to mean more work for you. I have two, one newborn, and will readily admit to finding parenting much much easier when DH is around. He'll be going on a stag do in a few months and I will be planning and preparing beforehand as you are. I'm sure we'll both be fine! I want to not feel stressed and shouty and enjoy my time with them so to me that translates as needing to be organised. It's overkill to some no doubt but each to their own. Managing in the day is fine but there'll be no bedtime respite or help if we have a terrible night and that does make me feel a little anxious.
I'm thinking plan all the meals and snacks, plan in activities for morning and afternoon both at home and out, decide our clothes, new book or toy to produce if chaos is descending.