Solo parenting for a weekend

[Mamabear04]

I know it's a bit ridiculous to post this but DH is going on a stag doo next weekend for 2 nights/3 days and I am secretly worried how I'll cope looking after DC alone. They are 4 years and 19 months and while I know I can do it I just feel slightly overwhelmed at the workload that's coming my way. DH helps out a lot with the kids and always pulls his weight. I'm a SAHM and DH works from home and will help where he can (putting on jackets and shoes when we go out or will prep lunch for when we come back from wherever we've been), DS is an early waker (usually 5am ish) and he always gets up with him so I can sleep until 7am and then when he finishes work he always baths the kids because by bedtime I'm usually exhausted. I know I am very fortunate having so much help but I'm also worried that I'll be really exhausted. My 4 year olds behaviour hasn't been so good the past couple of weeks and DS is tantrum central atm. I feel like a bit of a failure even admitting this as I know so many mums with such little help from their partners and then I am in awe of single parents (how do they even do it?!) AIBU to feel this way?

You're not a very good person.

Agree with this. You’ve almost been over spoilt by how available your DH is-that’s very unusual. It’s a weekend.

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@FlissyPaps of course they should be helping! Do you really believe all a four-year-old's time should be spent playing? Do lots of people believe this? It would explain a lot actually. They absolutely should spend some time helping and learning from that, it's extremely important.

I sympathise OP, I'm currently doing 8 days solo with DS8 and DS 15mo (overseas where we live in a quite a challenging place) while DH has flown abroad for a course and while I wasn't exactly anxious about it I have been dreading it. I've been ill for the last month, not seriously but with one thing after another, am sick again today and just feeling lousy and dreary managing everything and wish I could just lie down for a bit until I stop feeling like I'm going to throw up. My DH does a lot too and it's stressful deviating from a routine that works. The fact that single parents exist does not mean you have an obligation to not be worried. You will be okay though.

@Rosesanddaisies1 she has not been SPOILT by her children having a father who takes an active part in caring for them, what a terrible, low-bar attitude.

@Lassiata of course they should be helping! Do you really believe all a four-year-old's time should be spent playing? Do lots of people believe this? It would explain a lot actually. They absolutely should spend some time helping and learning from that, it's extremely important.

Helping with what exactly?

Please can somebody explain how a 4 year old child should be helping an adult parent?

And please don’t say “putting toys away/fetching their empty plate to the sink etc” because that is not helping an adult parent. That’s basic skills that children learn.

As someone who has been in this position where I had a very helpful partner - yes, you can be spoilt.

I remember being used to having lie-ins whilst he dropped the children off and having dinner ready every evening. I really struggled to look after dc on my own even for a few days because I was a bit pampered. It's easy to fall into the pattern of relying on someone else. And that works if they're constantly around- but your dp isn't always going to be there (not even taking about splitting up here)

With all due respect OP, you posted in AIBU. So you were asking for opinions in a part of the site renowned for blunt responses. If you had posted in Parenting the tone of the replies might have been different.

You're literally looking after your own children for two days!

Christ almighty.

You sound like good parents and I think your worrying for nothing. You just gotta get on and do it we have 3 under 3 and recently had them for a while week alone as hubby was away family emergency and it was all fine, exhausting yes but hey when are we not 😀

Op I hope your weekend goes well. I’m sure you can pick out some of the helpful suggestions from this thread and am sure the weekend won’t be as bad as you imagine.

I’d ignore a large swath of the comments here. As you say, it is possible to give feedback whilst still being kind. AIBU Can be brutal and the honestly is helpful sometimes….just some posters fonts know the difference between being direct and honest and just being purposefully harsh and rude.

Be good to hear how you get on. Maybe it’s a sign for you and partner to each take time away more so the other experiences parenting alone and you each also get a break.

Sounds like DH does Quite a lot of parenting on top of working, not saying he shouldn't but you should be able to manage it for a few days.

That was not very lovely, Theresa ☹️.

@Mamabear04 , you may find this is the making of you. You have a wonderfully supportive husband, and you’ve naturally rely on that - not an issue at all.

Now you’ll discover how wonderfully capable you are, after getting through the weekend. Plan, be organised, get the kids to bed early so you can have some rest before the 5am starts.

You will be okay!

Plan where you can and do things to keep things nice. Maybe buy some pre made pancakes and then just cut up some fruit each morning and let them fill the pancakes and add some sauce each morning (keeps them busy) while you have a cuppa.

Then structure the days similar each day which keeps it simple for them (and you). Planned outing at X time, lunch and dinner same time each day, perhaps let them have soup with bread to dip in for lunch both days - then all there is to do is heat the soup really :)

Depending on the kids sometimes you can play 'production line' e.g. when washing up you wash with youngest, and maybe the youngest can dry and put them on the side to put away. One gets stuff out the laundry basket the other puts in the machine etc. again that depends on the children! Some will some won't - if they won't then it's finding bits to keep them busy, or just let mess mount up and quickly do it once they're in bed.

Let yourself go to bed when they do even after a quick tidy up even if you just read or whatever.

It's ok to worry about it but it will help you to find methods. Mostly it's trial and error as they're just all different but you will find methods that work to get periods of entertained, periods of peace etc! :)

I can’t really relate to your feelings as although I’m not a single parent, my husband works (not from home/often weekends/overnight/very early or late shifts etc) so isn’t available at all when working. I think it’s because you are in the fortunate position to have just never had to do this before and if you did, you would just get used to it.

Your husband is very kind to get up at 5am everyday before work whilst you have a lie in! I knew someone similar whose husband worked from home and helped her with everything (e.g. getting kids out the car when they got home from an acticity etc) which I thought was crazy as if you’re meant to be working, you’re meant to be working. It didn’t help her in the long run either as every time her husband went away she would go to her mother in laws as didn’t want to cope on her own. I think you have been spoilt a bit with having him so available but you’ll be just fine.

I’ve just recently done this when DP went away with his dad for a couple of days. I made sure we had something planned for morning and night each of the days. We’d do the morning activity, come home for lunch and the babies nap then go back out. We did

Day 1 AM- local woodland walk
Day 1 PM - trip into town to run errands and got coffee and cake
Day 2 AM - soft play
Day 2 PM - went to my mums for a couple of hours

It meant we weren’t trapped in the house getting cabin fever and the kids were worn out enough to sleep well. I also pre cooked dinner for both days while DP was around, made a lasagna and a cottage pie so I could just bang them in the oven. I accepted the house would be a bomb site, but spent 1 hr from 7:30-8:30 cleaning what I could, the rest could wait til DP got back.

I also made sure I had lots of good snacks for myself and my favourite drinks and caught up on Netflix and my book in the evening.

It was fine and you’ll be fine, although my hat absolutely goes off to parents who do this by themselves 100% of the time, it is no joke!

She didn't say she couldn't do it though, did she? She just feels anxious about it because it's a new experience and those feelings are valid.

I'm late to the party here but I completely empathise with you, OP. My husband has had 2 stag dos abroad for the last two years, and tomorrow he goes on his third stag do. We have 2 kids, 5 and 1, we both work and we both pull our weight as parents, and even though I should be seasoned at him going off on these annual stag dos by now, I still feel anxiety at the thought of the next 3 days and nights on my own with them both, esp the high energy 5 year old who typically doesn't listen and loves to wind his little sister up!

It's understandable to feel anxious if it's not your norm and whilst it's hats off to all those who solo parent on the reg, there's no need for people here to be catty and start questioning the state of OP's mental health because she opened up and reached out for support!