Solo parenting for a weekend

[Mamabear04]

I know it's a bit ridiculous to post this but DH is going on a stag doo next weekend for 2 nights/3 days and I am secretly worried how I'll cope looking after DC alone. They are 4 years and 19 months and while I know I can do it I just feel slightly overwhelmed at the workload that's coming my way. DH helps out a lot with the kids and always pulls his weight. I'm a SAHM and DH works from home and will help where he can (putting on jackets and shoes when we go out or will prep lunch for when we come back from wherever we've been), DS is an early waker (usually 5am ish) and he always gets up with him so I can sleep until 7am and then when he finishes work he always baths the kids because by bedtime I'm usually exhausted. I know I am very fortunate having so much help but I'm also worried that I'll be really exhausted. My 4 year olds behaviour hasn't been so good the past couple of weeks and DS is tantrum central atm. I feel like a bit of a failure even admitting this as I know so many mums with such little help from their partners and then I am in awe of single parents (how do they even do it?!) AIBU to feel this way?

@LovelyTheresa next time I see my friend whose DH dropped dead at 45, and she’s telling me she’s having a hard time, I’ll just take your queue as say, well bad luck.

Ugh, random strangers in the internet and all that. Next.

Theresa is probably in a similar boat to op and a bit touchy. Obviously, being ignorant (maybe a bit rude) about single parenthood is not good strategy to get people to see your POV. It comes from a place of defensiveness.

@SquidwardsBigBIowhoIe Yes, agreed, let’s hope empathy will not have to be acquired through experience for them 😊

My ex husband moved to Dubai when my youngest was six weeks, my middle child was 16 months and my eldest was just ten months older than her.

You'll be fine op.

You can do this op! I understand the fear. Being super organised will make things a ton easier( make lunches the night before, set out clothes! And my favourite, an earlier bedtime with books if you can get away with it. Plenty of activities for the four year old that will engross her, I can get an entire hour out of magic sand for my pair and it gives me a chance to do some jobs that need doing. An early shower or bath will also entertain and use up time for you, this has been a godsend for me and I find it mellows my four year old out. I think it’s the anticipation is the worst, once you are in the thick of it the time will fly by!

I'm on day 1 of a 9 week solo stint with an eight month old and 3yo. It sucks. For those saying it's easy, how on earth do you manage bed time alone? Neither of mine can/will go to bed alone and I'm currently stuck feeding baby whilst toddler screams as she wants her bedtime stories. I can manage all day but when it comes to bedtime everything goes to shit 😂

@Mnk711 read the story whilst you feed the baby?

It is really daunting if you're not used to it.

Go out as much as you can, try to make the most of the evenings once they're in bed, go easy on yourself with cooking, housework, etc. You will feel proud of yourself once you've done it!

Oh and make sure you've got things like bread, milk, nappies, etc as obviously you can't just pop to the corner shop if you realise you need something at 8pm!

There are obviously advantages to having someone else around with young children but I also found advantages when my DH was away (for short periods) . Firstly there was no other adult for the children to refer to, so whatever I decided was what happened and no "but daddy said". All my attention was on them - no chatting to my DH freed up time to get tasks done more quickly. And knowing no one else was there made me knuckle down and get on with everything. Plus no need to prepare food for him meant I could slum it a bit eating-wise or just eat when the kids did.

Op, in the kindest way, you do probably need to get a bit of a grip.

A few trips out, even if just to the park, some easy meals and you'll be fine. Go to bed early and it'll be over before you know it.

When my DH goes away I make everything as calm and easy as possible. Early and quiet bedtimes, easy meals, fresh air if possible to wear them out. We get into our own little routine and it's fine.

I used to get really anxious and my mum brought me up entirely alone. I honestly don't know how she did it but she had no choice. I'm lucky to have a hands on DH but being alone for the first time with two kids felt really overwhelming at the time. We're used to it now. You'll be fine OP.

I think you need to calm down a bit dear! I didn’t mean getting a part time job. Have you never said to your four year old ‘will you help mummy with …?’ Most four year olds spend their play time pretending to be adults.

Is it fear of the unknown?

I know it’s daunting, but you are their mum, you know what you’re doing. Have some faith in yourself. I’m a lone parent of three, and parenting does not come naturally to me. If I can do it anyone can!

Personally I don't really get it....it's one weekend...with kids you have all day anyway since you don't work. I think you need to get a grip

I really don't get this seemingly modern phenomena where mothers can't seem to parent their kids on their own for an extended period of time (excluding us single parents of course who just get on with it)

I will try and be understanding OP as you are not used to being on your own, but this is normal life for a hell of alot of people. I do at least half the weekends in the year by myself, have 2 DC and always have done due to DH’s job. I was on my own with our newborn from 2 days old. We don’t have any family nearby. I also work most of the week.

Dont put any pressure on yourself and if the weekend is stressful, its one weekend to forget about. I find it easier to have a rough plan of what you are going to do - maybe some tv in the early morning whilst you get a few things done (washing etc), then out to the park or soft play. Soft play is always good as wears them out and doesn’t matter what the weathers like. Back home, bath and some chill out time whilst you get dinner ready.

You have the advantage of being a SAHM (I know not easy) but at least you wont have the pressure of needing to get all the housework done at the weekend too. Save the housework for when your DH is home (to help you with it ofcourse!).

I think you might find you’ll enjoy it more than you think. Me and my OH are very much 50/50 parents and we gave lots of support. When im alone my two (3 months and 2.5yrs) it’s hard but I like it. You don’t get a chance to do much aside from look after them and I’d make sure you plan to be out the house most of the time but you’ll have loads of fun. Look at it like an opportunity for some special time with them 😊

I always dreaded DH being away for the weekend when the DC were really little so YANBU there.

But not because I couldn’t cope, but because the weekend was my break as I was a sahm and DH worked 10-12 hour days, and worked away in the week fairly often.

Make plans with friends and be out as much as you can. I find the time passes so much faster. Get some nice food for you and enjoy the tv the yourself!

oh and make sure you have all the shopping and things you need before he goes. Then at least that’s one less thing to worry about.

morning toddler cinema is (a) cheap and (b) may give you a chance to close your eyes for a bit! Throw in some duck feeding and help making rice crispie cakes and that’s a good day done. Get the play doh out or dressing up costumes and save the laundry for your DH when he gets home!

Single parents cope because they have to and many may also be a mass of insecurities they hide from anyone else. You too will cope because you will have to. Minimise housework. Prep as much beforehand and enlist the 4 year olds help while her dad is away. Kids generally like helping on their terms of course 😂😂. Have a few ideas of where you can go if the older one is bored at home.

It will give you confidence and 1 on 1 time with your children.

Jings, I really wish I had never posted this. Some people are are so bitter.

I can cope with my kids, it's not my first time looking after them by myself. DC are both going through a difficult stages, we've been inundated with winter bugs and I have had some serious health problems the past year and have spent time in hospital. I am worried about being physically exhausted because of that as there have been times this past year when I been physically unable to cope and DH/DP have had to help me. DH works from home but not every day. He doesn't make lunch every day and when he does it will be something like making a cheese sandwich for the kids while the kettle boils for his coffee. He doesn't help every time I leave the house and only if he has time. He runs the bath and washes the kids and I wait outside the bathroom until they are done and then I help dry and dress them. I put them to bed. I'm sorry a lot of you think I'm pathetic for having a partner that actually wants to be present in his kids lives. I never ask him to help, he always offers.

Big thank you for all the practical tips to keep them amused. I hadn't thought about laying their clothes out etc and some good activity ideas. Thanks for all the support and well wishes.

Don't think I'll be coming back to this thread!

Well I'm glad you did post OP because as I said before I'll be in your position soon enough and it's given me some ideas and solidarity if only from you!
Can't understand how others can't see that we all are used to our own normal lives and a deviation from that might make someone feel nervous. I totally get your worry about feeling physically exhausted. I really look forward to my DH's return home to let me have 5 mins on the loo in peace and a sit down. This phrase springs to mind 'it's not hard to look after young children, it's hard to do anything else whilst looking after young children '. Some days I barely get chance to answer WhatsApp messages. Surely it's not weird to question how you'll cope when your relief person is absent. All these comments about how single parents cope, it's not a race to the bottom, jeez. They cope because they have to as will you OP but nothing wrong in sharing your thoughts about how you feel!

You’ve lost almost all my sympathy by describing women many of whom have been in abusive relationships as bitter. It such a shitty way to label single mothers. For future reference, frustrated disappointed, sad at the injustice for their children are more apt descriptors.

Nobody called you pathetic because your children have a father who fulfils his role either, one PP said it’s pathetic you can’t manage for a little over 24 hrs looking after your own children when you don’t seem to have a nanny as it is, which is another option for your weekend, there are lots a excellent agencies who provide support for these situations.

Your challenges are not unique and nobody was being nasty in pointing that out, in fact I’d go as far as to say they weren’t even minimising your issues, just trying to highlight the fact you will be absolutely fine, as many women are not according to another poster ‘lucky’ enough to have any support and manage just fine.

Good luck OP I hope you have a peaceful weekend, and do consider an agency as they can be very helpful, especially in the evenings.

Yes, and it's not just those bitter single mothers who think you should be able to cope - it's women in relationships. Fathers should be able to, too. It's great that you have help, and I hope the practical tips make it easier whilst he's gone.

I never once referenced single mums as bitter. There have been loads of single parents who have been really nice and supportive while acknowledging that they have a harder situation. I am referring to all the people who called me pathetic or woman up or ridiculous for not being able to cope with my kids. It is possible to still be kind with your words and acknowledge someone else's feelings even if you don't understand where they are coming from. I thought MN was supposed to be a parenting support forum to offer advice and encourage eachother, not somewhere to tear other people down.

“Calm down a bit dear?” 😂😂😂😂

But to answer your question, no, I have never asked a 4 year old to help me parent. As I said, they should be playing not helping out an adult.